Tales of the Unexpected

I was supposed to have blogged two days ago about the similarities and differences between my worldwide friends, but Thursdays are iffy days for blogging, mostly because I usually have company all day. I figured I wouldn't worry about it and blog on Friday instead, no sweat, right?

But yesterday was a strange day. I had no inkling that it was a strange day until around 7pm, but it was a strange day all the same. I followed my usual Friday routine of getting up, making packed lunches for the kids and seeing them off to school. Then I ventured into Canton (the nearest decent place to grocery shop) and stocked up on the essentials for the weekend before returning home and giving the house the pre-weekend tidy up. I managed to quickly write my status short story for this week's challenge (a new thing I've been participating in which requires you to write a short story in 420 characters or less and post it as your Facebook status every Friday).

So far, so good. I mean, I was running late, but that's pretty normal for me so I wasn't worried. I figured I'd catch up with the rest of the online stuff when I got back from the school run. I had my blog to do, I'd planned a little more networking on Facebook, and I wanted to drabble for my writer's group.

But then the day became strange. One minute I was fine, the next I suddenly nosedived into a pit of paranoia and panic. I have no idea why this happened, and I didn't have any of the usual warning signs. It was weird.

Many of you know that I have been suffering with depression for the last five months, and the depression has been the cause of my long absences from not only blogging, but the internet in general. Through trial and error, my doctor finally prescribed me something that, much to my surprise, appears to be working, and my episodic depression seems to be talking a back seat most of the time.  A couple of months ago I was a basket case most days, whereas now I am mostly back to normal. I managed two weeks without a large 'dip', and the dip only lasted a day instead of much longer.  That was last week, and I remember thinking how pleased I was to have gone fourteen days without turning into Mrs Cry Baby.

But yesterday my inner It returned. Now usually I have a day or two's warning; I feel a bit off - still able to function, just not quite right. It's awful, because I know I'm heading towards a really bad day, but at least I know it's coming and I can prepare for it somewhat. Yesterday's re-emergence of It was completely unexpected. The only warning I had was that I was blocked when it came to writing, but because I have always had these blocks I didn't recognise it as a warning sign. By the time I'd put the kids to bed I was antsy. An hour later and I was climbing the walls.

What followed was a couple of hours experiencing a mild panic attack, and a night mostly spent trying to get to sleep, but failing abysmally. I don't know whether it's nerves or something, but when It comes to visit, I spend half the night needing to pee (sorry if that's too much information).

Anyway, I managed to fall asleep eventually, only to be woken up by the 6:30am alarm for my hubby. I knocked it off and within the space of about thirty seconds was deeply asleep again. But then the alarm went off again because I'd hit the 'snooze' button instead of the 'off 'button. My few minutes of deep slumber were cruelly ended and suddenly I was wide awake. Isn't it odd how you can be so deeply asleep one minute, and wide awake the next? I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep again so I got up.

Of course, now I am exhausted and will no doubt fall asleep at some point during the day (if my kids allow it), but on the good side, It seems to be largely absent, so her visit was only a short one this time around. She left just as suddenly as she arrived. Odd, that - but I'm not complaining.

Anyway, that's today's ramble for you. I may yet get to that blogging about my worldwide friends thingy, but I now have this foible where I tend to avoid things that were triggers or reminders of my It moments, so it's not looking likely. It's definitely a Stubborn Thing rather than a Logic Thing, because I know that blogging was NOT a trigger for my inner It visiting, but logic never comes into play when I am playing host to It, so I've given up trying to to reason with Stubborn Thing because I know that I'm never going to win.

And here endeth today's blog thingy.

Random Blog Thingy

I didn't get a request for today's blog. *pouts* Therefore I have no idea what I'm going to type - just so you know. It's not a disaster as such, because at least half of my blogs started off with me typing and hoping I'd get inspiration in the duration. Still, a request would have been nice.

I could tell you about the two things I did to my blog page the other day, I suppose. That will fill a paragraph or two, yes? The first thing I did was add a flag counter. It's interesting to see where my readers come from, definitely. I had a rough idea anyway, partly because I obviously know where my regular readers come from, and partly because I had another counter installed ages ago. But the flag counter is way cooler. I know, for example, that I had somebody from Belgium pop by the other day. I don't think I know anyone from Belgium, so if you come back, reader from Belgium, please say hello, it would be nice to meet you! The same goes to the reader from Italy; I'd love to interact with an Italian, mostly because I would love to emigrate there. I've not travelled far in the past, but I spent time in Italy as a schoolgirl, and I absolutely loved it there.

Most of the other flagged countries came as no surprise. Columbia, Austria, Australia, The Netherlands, Norway, America and, of course, the UK - I have buddies from all of those places, and the majority of them have posted here from time to time. It's still very interesting though, no question.

The other thing I did was change my blog template. I'm not sure that I like the new background, but the black was getting boring for me, plus a few of my friends had mentioned having trouble reading the text, so I thought a change might be nice. Whether the background will stay like this is another thing, we shall see.

Am I boring you yet? See, this is what happens when you don't give me a request. *wags finger*

Let me see, what else can I ramble about? So far there are *scans the page* four paragraphs (and an odd line). That's not nearly long enough, oh dear me, no. I shall need to at least double the length for it to be enough to satisfy me. *nods*

I could tell you about my day, I suppose. About how I only just about escaped with my life after venturing into my son's bedroom in order to clean it. How a tiny attic bedroom can take an hour and a half to clean is beyond me, but then again it is occupied by my almost-fourteen-year-old. There aren't a lot of toys any more, just two small tubs of bits and pieces, but the toys have been replaced with about a gazillion media discs, which my son seems to think prefer to be spread out all over the room rather than neatly put away in their cases.  I had a pile of discs about six inches tall, with a mixture of Wii games, PS2 games and DVDs  making up the numbers. After collecting the various discs from all over the floor/desk/under the bed/TV stand, I then put them in three piles according to disc type. So far so good, but then I had to collect all of the covers, which, as per the discs, were to be found anywhere and everywhere. By the time I finished sorting through them (finding x amount of odd socks, some pyjamas, a pair of jeans, two plastic bowls, three empty juice bottles, and an empty tube of haribos in the process), 45 minutes had passed. *mutters darkly*

Of course, I was left with odd discs with no covers, and odd covers with no discs. That's a given when it comes to my son (and my daughter, for that matter). It drives me nuts! It's not as though I don't tell them to put things away when they're finished with them. I swear I spend half my life yelling at them to look after their stuff. *mutters again*

Anywho, after dusting, polishing, vacuuming and changing the bedding, an hour and a half had passed, and I still had the rest of the house to do. I have small house; as well as the attic bedroom (which is small in itself), there's my bedroom, my daughter's box bedroom and the bathroom on the upper floor, and my living room and the kitchen downstairs. Barring the kitchen (which I had to leave until after the school run), I cleaned the rest of the house in less than half an hour. That's two bedrooms, the bathroom, the living room, and the hall, landing and stairs. All dusted, polished, tidied and vacuumed (according to need) in a third of the time it took to clean ONE room. Honestly, my son needs a good talking to. Again.

You should definitely be bored by now, so I guess I'll leave it there. And let that be a lesson to you! If you don't want to read about housework and changes made to blog pages, then for pity's sake give this poor blogger a subject to ramble about. Who knows what'll be typed up next unless someone comes to the rescue....

One last request?

Mixed Mutterings

I'm on day six of my requests now, and today's going to be the trickiest one so far. I needed a request, so I posted a Facebook status asking for suggestions. I immediately got three, and, because the whole point of this request thingy is that I don't get to choose, I updated my status and started a poll. Whichever subject had the most votes would be blogged about today. Sounds fairly simple, yes? That's what I thought, at any rate. Only when I went to check on the progress, it appeared that the most votes went to an option that I hadn't even thought of - namely, blog about all three suggestions.

My three suggestions were jelly (or jello to my across-the-pond buddies), Monty Python, and insane friendships. As if that wasn't tricky enough, I also had votes for chocolate and coffee. So today's ramble is going to be even more rambling than it usually is, and that's something I thought wasn't possible. *snort*

So, where do I begin? I guess I'll go with chocolate first, seeing as that is something I have mostly given up in the last five months, and is something that almost everyone loves. Now you can get all kinds of chocolate - white, dark, milk, nutty, toffee etc - and you can spend as little or as much as you choose, depending whether you buy the corner shop bar or the box of Thornton's-I-Have-To-Many-Calories-For-You-To-Even-Contemplate-Deluxe-Extraordinaire. As with many things, I prefer the cheaper option. Offer me a couple of 15p Freddo bars (I'm still mourning the increase from 10p to 15p a couple of years ago), or a box of Thornton's, and I'd typically go for the Freddo bars. I think it's mostly because Freddo bars make me feel like a kid again (although they seem terribly small now compared to 25 years ago). Thinking about it, ALL chocolate bars seem tiny now. Okay, I'm a lot bigger than I was at six years of age, but I'm still pretty sure that Mars bars are about half the size they used to be....

Anyway, from chocolate to coffee, because that seems like a natural progression, yes? It might not seem that way to you, but it does to me. At least it seems the most suitable leap when compared to the other subjects. Actually, I'd thought of jelly being next, but I have an actual link to another topic for that one, so I'm saving it till later. I know you wanted to know that.

So, coffee. I enjoy a cup of frothy coffee as much as the next person (unless that person is allergic to caffeine, of course), but I'm not dependent on the stuff. I'll have a two or three cups a week, but I'm more of a tea girl. But when I do have coffee, my absolute favorite is a cappuccino - preferably with plenty of chocolate sprinkled over the top (Ha! See! That's how I leaped from chocolate to coffee! I'm not mad at all!) Of course, Starbucks is the best place to get said cappuccino, but the nearest Starbucks to me is a half hour bus ride away, so not really practical. I've tried the homemade ones, but they're just not the same. Plus you don't get to have them in a spiffy Starbucks mug ,unless you want to pay £10 for one (or 'borrow' one when it has accidentally fallen into the back of your daughter's buggy) *shifty*

But yeah, I can see the attraction of coffee, especially because it has the ability to make some people very hyper, with the added bonus of not having to drink alcohol to get that way. Then again, some people mix their alcohol with coffee, and then they turn absolutely bonkers.

Which leads me very nicely to Monty Python. (See! I do have a plan to get from one topic to another!)

I adore Monty Python, though I'm by no means an expert. Of course, I could probably say ten things off the top of my head if we were playing the word association game and the prompt was 'Monty Python', but I'm not so knowledgeable about them that I can quote entire scenes word for word.  What I do know, is that practically everyone on the planet has heard of them, and most people have a favorite quote. I'm actually torn, because I have favorite quotes from two of their best movies - Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Life of Brian. I love both movies, but I think Grail might just have the edge. Brian may possibly have my all-time favorite movie quote ever - "He's NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY naughty boy!" - but Grail is just a roller coaster of laughs from beginning to end. From the coconut-wielding party of 'questers', to the slightly dubious minstrel; from Castle Anthrax to the Knights of Ni; from shrubberies to the 'it's just a flesh wound' arm-less guard, it's pure hysteria for the entire duration. I haven't watched these movies for years, but talking about them now makes me want to watch them right now....

Of course, Monty Python were years ahead of their time, in my opinion, and their humor never seems to date. Some comedies lose their sparkle when watched a decade or two after they were first broadcast, but Monty Python's strain of alternative comedy is just as funny now as it ever was, and continues to draw new fans. I think a lot of it is due to the fact you can just tell this group had lots of fun while they worked. The rapport between the Pythons was as obvious as it was infectious; you simply couldn't watch them without at least giggling, though I'd wager that full-bellied laughs were (and are) the usual reaction.

The fondness and obvious connection between the Pythons brings me very nicely to the subject of insane friendships. Now, I'm not talking about your average friends here, I'm talking about the people that you'd never have thought would be in your life. I have good friends from different 'areas' of my life. I'm still friends with several of my school buddies, and we still see each other and reminisce fondly about old times, at the same time creating brand new memories to reminisce upon in the years to come.  I have friends who are ex-colleagues from various jobs, and when meet up we still have a blast. Then there are the friends that are actually family members, both from my side and my husband's. But I'm not talking about these friends, much as I love them. I'm talking about online friends.

It really is insane how we can click with people that we will probably never meet. I had the good fortune to meet up with several of my online friends almost two years ago, but until we all land that magical publishing contract, this is unlikely to happen again any time soon. My online buddies are spread worldwide - literally, so meeting up with them is mostly a pipe dream. Yet although we've only ever spoken to each other online, I'm about as close as I can get to them as I could be. My very first two friends I met online were Ana and Corvis (Corvis is a nickname, and although she now uses her real name, she will always be Cor to me). Ana and Corvis.... wow, I don't know how to explain our incredible friendship without rambling for at least 10,000 words, and I'm pretty sure nobody wants to read 10,000 words about people they've never heard of.

As briefly as I can, I'll try to explain:  Ana + Corvis + Tara = Evil Triplets. Evil Triplets love Lord of the Rings,  Harry Potter, and speaking in asterisks. Evil Triplets would quite happily spend all day role playing LotR and smacking the lames (the lames in question usually tend to be Harry, Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore from Harry Potter). Evil Triplets drink plenty of beer, vodka and rum as often as they can. Evil Triplets love 'borrowing' scripts from movies and putting their own (usually insane) spin on them. Evil Triplets share the bond of being unable to stick to one username on HPANA. And Evil Triplets all share the same dream; TTTing across New Zealand. That would be 'The Two Towers-ing across New Zealand', which translates to touring the fabulous landscape that formed the backdrop for the lovingly made Lord of the Rings movies.

Of course, with Ana hailing from Columbia, Cor from Chicago, and me from Wales, we're not real triplets (quite apart from being different ages), but I've never felt so connected to anyone as I do with these two. I remember Cor phoning me a couple of years ago - for the very first time - and we talked for around three hours. I don't think I've laughed so much in my entire life (though I think Cor almost died when she got her phone bill, partly from shock, and partly because her lame (er, not Harry et all, but her husband at the time) almost killed her. We just jelled (which I know should be 'gelled', but I need to get onto jelly. *winks*).  I really love all of my online friends - and I have a lot - but Ana and Cor are my soul sisters, most definitely.

Now, speaking of jelled *coughs*, how about that jelly? Lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly. There's a lot you can do with jelly. *nods wisely* Not only can you bribe your kids with it (be good and you can have some jelly for afters!), you can have food fights with them (nothing like flicking copious amounts of jelly across the room), you can make alcoholic shots with them (vodka jelly anyone?), and apparently you can put it on your hair if you're a synchronized swimmer (so Tami informs me. Tami also asked me how to get rid of said jelly after it clogs the drains too, but I really have no idea, sorry Tami!) And to add to all this, the lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly not only tastes good, but is so rubbery and pliable that it has almost limitless possibilities when it comes to non-eating activities *nudge nudge wink wink* ifyouknowwhatImean. Youknowzitmakezsense.

And on that note, I think it might be wise to stop. So I shall. Feel free to imagine all sorts of jelly-inspired non-eating activities, I know I will.

Next request?

Magnificent Mojos

This request buisness has been pretty good for my writing mojo. After successfully blogging for two solid months, then being pretty good in December (I managed to blog 15 times, which when I think about how mad December was, is not bad at all), I virtually disappeared. This is blog number eleven of 2010. Bad. Very bad. Anyway, as I was saying, this request malarkey is great, because it appears that by having someone suggest a topic for me, it has actually pushed me into writing regularly again. Okay, so we are only on the fifth consecutive day now, but my blog count for January was a big fat zero, while February only had one blog posted for the entire month.

Moving on.

My fave NaNo novel illustrator, Ana, came up with her second topic suggestion for this round of requests, and as usual, she has picked something close to my heart. Namely mojos.

Now, I have blogged about mojos before. In fact, I seem to remember saying that my 'Mojo Moments' would be a semi-regular blog topic. *coughs*  My first Mojo Moment was way back in my first week of blogging, and was all about my ultimate mojo, Aragorn (of Lord of the Rings fame). I rambled extensively about the advantages of being hot, dirty, and owning a big sword. Good fun for all, I would think. I think I forgot all about my intention of blogging about mojos semi-regularly after that (forgetfulness is one of the banes of being a procrastinator), until about seven weeks later.

The madness of November (NaNoWriMo anyone?) ended on a surprising high when I not only managed to blog almost every day (I missed once), but I also managed to complete the 50,000 word novel challenge that I had been suckered into by my good friend Tami (Confessions of a Watery Tart). What better way to celebrate than to blog all about the mojo that is Dean Winchester (a.k.a. Jensen Ackles) of Supernatural fame?  I got to insert plenty of innuendo into my post (always a good thing), managed to include several increasingly hot pictures of said mojo, and was also able to use copious amounts of asteriskisms, which are quite possibly my favorite things in the world. *fondly remembers asteriskisms blog post* [/shameless self-plugging once more].

Anywho, after only a mere *shifty* six months, here I am blogging about mojos again. Okay, so far all I have done is ramble about my previous blogs and added links (shameless plugs) to several things (mostly because I'm still strangely impressed that I can actually do this kind of thing without stuffing it up)  but I'm getting to new stuff, I swear.

My Mojo Cupboard is pretty full, I have to admit. Accompanying Aragorn the Hot and Dean the Droolworthy are more than a handful of gorgeous hunks that, as far as I'm concerned, were put on this earth for the purpose of making me (and several million other women) drool. Yes, I know that's a bit shallow.... Tara, these men are people too, not just eye candy! They are talented as well as hot, and would probably be insulted if they thought people only liked them for their looks.... but honestly, the whole point of mojos is that they give visual pleasure (at the very least) to hoards of women all over the world, and are unavailable, thus safe to fantasize over. Yes, they're intelligent, talented people who are more than just merely good -looking actors (or fictional characters, as the case may be), but when we fantasize about our mojos, we aren't imagining how sexy they would be if they were working out a quadratic equation.

And lets face it, mojos are perfect fantasy material. I'm pretty sure that there isn't a single perfect person, be it male or female, in the world right now. Everyone has faults, no matter how nice they are. But mojos are perfect. They always look perfect, always act in the way that you love, and sometimes wear sexy lingerie just the way you like it *coughs* Find me a man like that in real life and I'll eat my laptop. And this is why we love our mojos. It's pure escapism, fun, and a little bit naughty to have private droolfests over people we are never likely to meet in a million years. And quite honestly, I'm pretty sure that most of my mojos, while publicly holding themselves aloof, are privately a little bit chuffed that they bring so much pleasure to women all over the world. At least, I like to think so.

I suppose I can't finish today's blog without having a proper Mojo Moment. I've rambled a fair bit already, but haven't actually mentioned any of my other mojos. I could wax lyrical about Mr. Darcy, or perhaps enthusiastically witter away about Johnny Depp, but I think I'm going to go with Ian Somerhalder. Mr. Somerhalder stars as Damon Salvatore in the American TV series The Vampire Diaries.

Now, I've blogged before about my TV addictions, and this series is another habit that I have. I'm not one for vampires in general; I can't stand anything to do with Twilight, and the phenomenon that is True Blood has completely passed me by. To be truthful, The Vampire Diaries is not that great; the plot is contrived, the characters predictable, and the overuse of music with moody overtures can be a bit, well, overused. But I'm a sucker (no pun intended) for a bad boy, and Damon Salvatore is truly a bad boy. He treats women like dirt, traumatizes his brother on an hourly basis, and thoroughly enjoys himself when he is in full vampire mode. But as with all bad boys, you know that deep down (very deep down with this one) lies a poor wounded little boy lost. *sighs in Scarlett O'Hara fashion*

Okay, it's a fantasy, I know. Real-life bad boys are rarely soft and cuddly on the inside, but if you were paying attention, you would know that the word 'fantasy' is the key here.

As I said before, The Vampire Diaries is not fantastic. I think I would have given up on it a long time ago if it wasn't for the character of Damon. In fact, I already did give up on it last year. I watched two or three episodes and decided that it wasn't my cup of tea at all. Then the crappiness that is British TV at the moment forced me into looking online for other viewing pleasures, and I decided to give the series another shot. If nothing else, I can hit the mute button and freeze frame all the Damon scenes (especially the shirtless ones), right?

And don't roll your eyes at me, because I know you do that too (or at least I hope you do....)

Ahh, I loves me my mojos. *sighs happily*

Next request?

Don't Blow Your Top!

Day four of requests (which I'm thinking about extending to a full week rather than five days, by the way), and today's topic was suggested by my good HPANA buddy, Auriga. I'm going to immediately warn you that I have no idea what I'm going to end up typing here, because the subject that was given to me was the recent events concerning the Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland  (I had to copy and paste that one, I can't say it, never mind spell it).

I've visited the mostly trusty Wikipedia and read up on a few things, but seeing as Wiki tends to use lots of big words that, like the Eyja -thingy volcano, I can neither pronounce or spell (nor understand for that matter), I think I can safely say that what you won't be getting today is a clear and concise blog post. But honestly, that rarely happens anyway, so I'm not overly worried.

Apparently, the Volcano Now To Be Called 'Eyja' To Avoid Further Typos, while causing localized problems for the inhabitants of Iceland, has done little more than cause a few hiccups for several airlines. The cloud of ash that is still being emitted from Unpronounceable Eyja is spreading across international airspace and causing highly inconvenient interruptions and cancellations to flight traffic. I say 'little more' because although the media is rushing to report these delays and giving doomy predictions of dire consequences, nothing terribly bad has actually happened yet.

I mean, yes, the effects on importing and exporting, if affected in the long term, will cause all sorts of economic problems, but it's hard to get worked up about it when so far all it has done (for me) is cause a slight delay in receiving the goods I have ordered on eBay. That may sound like I'm being incredibly dim, or perhaps burying my head in the sand, but living in a world where we keep hearing all sorts of reports of a Serious Nature, but rarely have to deal with them coming to pass, maybe you can see what I'm getting at.

Remember the panic of 1999? The whole world was in chaos as we counted down to the new millennium. Employment from the End Of The World Is Nigh placard company surely sky-rocketed, and the media was in competition for the Who Can Report On The Millennium Bug Most Often trophy. Doomy people everywhere were convinced that at the stroke of midnight, the world would spontaneously combust, or something equally catastrophic. And what happened? Well, apart from a few computer glitches, pretty much nothing. Very anti-climatic. Not that I wanted the world to spontaneously combust, you understand, but a few bells and whistles here and there might have been nice.

Of course, the threat from the Eyja volcano is based on scientific studies and what-not, so the warnings carry a little more weight. The most concern seems to be about Eyja's bigger (and easier to spell ) sister, Katla. Apparently, Katla has some serious activity every 80 years or so, and is over a decade overdue for another seismic event ( does anyone else see innuendo in that sentence?). Another apparently, is that the last three times Katla has exploded, it has been following an eruption from Eyja. Oh dear.

You see, Katla is Eyja's evil big sister, and an eruption from her could be about ten times as catastrophic when compared to her younger sibling. Wiki informed me that while not technically classed as a 'Supervolcano' (so no blue lycra or a red cape on this baby), Katla has the potential to cause all sorts of bad things when she erupts. Of course, they don't have any idea of when she will erupt, only that she will at some point. They also don't know how serious an eruption it will be, but are dutifully reporting the worst case scenario so that the world will be prepared.

The scary thing is, a huge eruption from Katla has the potential to drop the climate worldwide (don't know how this works, the techy stuff went over my head). Apparently (my fave word of the day, apparently *snort*), it was an eruption from a supervolcano that caused the extinction of the dinosaurs. *nods* So, the impression I am getting from all these doomy and gloomy possible scenarios, is that if and when Katla has a seismic episode, it could potentially cause the planet to slip into another Ice Age. On a scale of one to ten on the Worldwide Panic Scale, that's definitely at the higher end.

So what does this mean for us? That was the question Auriga posed when she suggested today's blog topic. Well, to be honest, I don't really know. I mean,  I'm slightly more clued up than I was yesterday, but I'm still largely befuddled by the whole thing. In the simplest of terms, if Eyja continues to spew up tons of ash, it will continue to disrupt airline traffic in the foreseeable future, which will have a knock on effect on world trade and the general economy. This is bad, no question, but quite likely the least of our problems if big sister Katla decides to follow in her sibling's footsteps. If Katla starts erupting, we are quite possibly doomed. Doomed, I say, doomed.

Unless you work for the media, that is, because if you do, you will have a field day.

Next request?

Science Fiction Double Feature

Third day in a row for blogging, and third request coming up....

I just love the fact that my friends know me so well. So far I've had Ana pick a subject that was probably the easiest thing to blog about in the world (at least for me), then Leesh picked HPANA, my favorite internet home. Today, I get the awesome Rocky Horror Picture Show courtesy of my fellow Burrower Leanne. Honestly, my friends are just fabulous....

Anywho; Rocky Horror. *sighs happily* Where do I even begin? This movie is like Marmite (a yeast extract used for cooking, spreading on toast etc) - you either love it or hate it. Obviously, I love it (the movie, that is,  not Marmite, can't stand the stuff. *shudders*). The thing is, it's not just a movie; the Rocky Horror Picture Show is a feast of delights best served with a group of friends, plentiful alcohol, and feather boas. And that's just for when you watch it at home - if you're wanting the full buffet, the theatre experience is what you should order.

I'd be fairly surprised if you haven't heard of this cult classic, but for the RHPS Virgins out there, I'll give a brief description (which probably won't be brief at all seeing as I love to ramble). A young and wholesome American couple, Brad (Barry Bostwick) and Janet (Susan Sarandon) stumble on a spooky castle when their car breaks down in a storm. They enter the castle to ask for help, but get much more than they bargained for.

Initially they are greeted by the butler, Riff-Raff (the sublime Richard O'Brien). Riff-Raff is not your ordinary butler by any stretch of the imagination. He has the suit, but that's about it. Coming complete with hunchback, pasty skin and stringy white hair, he's not someone you'd normally bump into in a stately home. Brad and Janet are plainly wary of this strange butler, but it's only the first of many surprises. They are soon hit with three more dodgy looking characters.

We get to meet the host, one Frank N Furter, (affectionately known as Frankie). With full stage make-up, a curly hair-do, a basque, and endless legs encased in fishnet stockings, I'm guessing Brad and Janet were more than a little shocked by Mr Furter. Me, I loved him. Tim Curry played the role to perfection, and being a tall man, the suffering he endured in the scarily high platform shoes he had to wear must have been crippling. Not to mention his eyes, which by the end of the film look redder than a hot poker.

The other primary characters are Frankie's two sidekicks, Magenta (the frizzy-haired maid) and Columbia (not really sure what role she had in the household, except as the on-off girlfriend of Frankie [and Eddie, but that's another story]).

Keeping up with me? Good! By the time we've met the primary characters, we know that this movie is going to be a little different (though honestly, if you hadn't worked that out from the opening credits, you deserve to be shocked by the movie's content). Oh, and did I mention that it was a musical? No? How remiss of me!

Moving on.

Now that Brad and Janet have met the members of the household, they are properly introduced. In ordinary cultures, this might be a handshake, a few words of greeting, or maybe a formal bow or curtsy if you are meeting the upper classes. For Frankie and his gang, a proper introduction means scaring the life out of your unexpected guests by belting out the classic Best Way To Freak Out Your Guests song Sweet Transvestite. With lyrics including I'm just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania, and I see you shiver with antici.... (very long pause).... PATION, this is probably my favorite song from the movie. This scene also includes the hugely popular song The Time Warp, which even RHPS Virgins should be familiar with.

Frankie takes his guests (who by now have been stripped to their underwear and given lab coats to wear, as you do) to his laboratory where he has been working on making his man (with blond hair and a tan *winks*). Frankie's playmate is the 'Rocky' of the title, and though he doesn't say much (I don't think he says anything at all, actually), he is vital to the plot. Yes, the movie does have a plot, albeit a zany one.

I could go on and on here and guide you through the entire movie, and I would have a blast doing it, but I'm pretty sure this blog post is already too long, and I still have things to say. So I'll skip over the part where Frankie manages to do some naughty *coughs*  things to both Janet and Brad, and how brother and sister duo Riff-Raff and Magenta have a closer relationship than is strictly allowed between siblings, and I'll even gloss over the bit where Meatloaf randomly appears riding a motorcycle and kitted out in the very best from Leather R Us. I should probably mention, though, that most of the household are, in fact, aliens. From the transsexual planet of Transylvania, no less (see, this is why you need to pay attention to the song lyrics *winks*).

By the by, my son, when he was about three, managed to stumble into my living room one evening while I was hosting a Rocky Horror night. He coined the phrase 'Lipstick Aliens', and honestly, how perfect a description is that?

Anywho.... moving on again. I promise I'm almost done now, I swear.

The best thing about this movie (quite apart from the men in drag, the feather boas and the 'interesting' song lyrics (toucha toucha toucha meee, I wanna be diiiirty.... thrill me, chill me, fulfil meeeee, creature of the night.... *hums*) are the parts where the audience join in. You can do it at home, but it's definitely better when you're watching a live show [/ extra innuendo]. In order to participate properly, you need to dress up as one of the characters. I went for Magenta (the frizzy-haired maid), mostly because I already had the frizzy hair and basque (the two most important things), and also because I really love her character. When you are fully dressed up a la Rocky, you need a trusty bag of accessories, which include a newspaper,  water pistol, dried rice, and toilet paper (amongst other things).

Now you have your outfit and your props, you are almost ready. You need take nothing else with you except a good memory, because as with all the best audience participation movies, you have lines to remember. There are too many to list here, but there are many gems throughout the movie, and it is these ad-libbing extras that give you the thrill of the full Rocky Horror experience.

And when you're done throwing toilet paper and dried rice on the people in front of you, and you have finished yelling 'Vice' at the stage, you are in great spirits to move the night forwards; namely to a nightclub, accompanied by a couple of hundred basque-wearing, make-up plastered Frankie look-a-likes. Awesome!

If you fall into the 'Love It' category, I'd highly recommend seeing the show live. If you aren't brave enough to don a basque and fishnets (and that includes the guys - especially the guys), you can throw on a lab coat and a wee bit of eyeliner and probably get away with it. But if you are brave enough, go do it! It'll be the best night out that you've ever had, I guarantee it. And who knows, maybe you'll meet your very own personal love-slave. But not Rocky, because he's already taken (by several Lipstick Aliens, no less).

Next request?

HPANA Rules!

Today's request comes from one of my newest online buddies, Leesh. It's sort of fitting too, because the topic she suggested was HPANA - the very first internet home that I adopted - and also the place where I originally 'met' today's requestee (that's not a real word, I know, but you know how I like to make up words).

Where do I begin? Well, I should probably start by mentioning that yesterday was the fifth anniversary of my joining one of the most popular Harry Potter fansites on the web. I don't know why I chose this particular site - it wasn't the first 'hit' from google when I originally decided to type in 'Harry Potter' in the search bar. I think I was attracted by the simple layout more than anything (me being one of the most computer inept people on the planet). I'd only been actively using the internet for around three months when I joined HPANA, so a simple format to navigate was a must.

I initially ventured into the canon discussion areas, where I dived straight in and posted a theory about one of the characters. I don't know how it happened,  but eventually the topic became so popular that it became one of the elite 'pinned' threads. Nobody was more surprised than me, let me tell you. Anyway, a few months after joining, I gained a bit of confidence and began to explore the site. Up until that point I hadn't ventured much further than a couple of topics, and I really only posted in one or two.

Then I clicked on the link for Fan Fun - and opened up a whole new world. For the first time in my life, I discovered fan fiction. I seriously had never heard of it before, and it wasn't long before I became addicted to several of the ongoing fictions. It was only a small leap between reading and writing fanfic, and that's how I started writing again.

I've always loved writing, but in the years filled with stressing over bills, working horrible shifts, and bringing up a family, I sort of forgot my dream of one day being a novelist. Now I freely admit that my first fanfic was truly atrocious. Honestly, I look back on it now and cringe at how badly written it is - the plot was mediocre, the structure was terrible, and as for spelling and typos.... well, you probably get the picture. Nevertheless it proved strangely popular, despite its failings. Buoyed by the fabulous comments that I received throughout the posting duration, my brain started connecting my serious HPANA self to my fanfic madness HPANA self. I decided to make my original theory - that was still going strong in the discussion forum - into a fanfic.

And so the dream truly became solidified in my head. My second fanfic was probably my most popular story on the boards, and nothing I have ever written since has ever surpassed it. I've written three complete longer length stories, am still procrastinating over another three, and have numerous short stories under my belt, not to mention my 15,000 word novella that doesn't fit in either the 'short' or the 'long' category. They've all been fun to write, and when you compare my initial work to my later stuff, I firmly believe that I have improved a hundredfold. It's definitely a brilliant way to hone those writing skills.

Now onto other stuff, because as much as I love HPANA for giving me back my writing mojo, I also love it because I have made a ton of friends on there over the years. Every member of my writer's group, The Burrow was originally a member on HPANA, and it is on that site that we first connected (The Burrow as a name loosely inspired from our Harry Potter roots). I don't think I'll ever be able to express just how grateful - and proud - I am to be a member of this group. These people are fantastic in every way possible. They encourage my writing, they are enthusiastic about everything, they give honest feedback, and most importantly for me personally, are just the best friends you could ask for. A few of us managed to meet up in 2008 - no mean feat when you consider we are all from different countries - and it was astounding how well we got on together, it was like we had known each other for years. Which, of course, we had, but only in an online way. That's pretty incredible. The picture, left to right, is Jess, Leanne, Tami (Confessions of a Watery Tart), me, and Mari (The Giraffability of Digressions)

Besides my writer's group, I also have a bunch of other fantastic friends on HPANA, mostly my readers, and also other authors from the site. Prior to The Burrow, I was a member of another group, also a writing group, but perhaps not as serious. The NCWC (or Non-Comedy Writer's Club in its full dress) was crazy fun, writing challenges, glomping, poking and all sorts of other things rolled into one. We eventually vacated HPANA and moved to our own closed forum, and although we aren't nearly as active as we used to be, we have all remained the firmest of friends and still have a fond laugh for Barnbledore (a cross between Albus Dumbledore and Barney the Dinosaur) and the Fart Button. Good times....

Of course, now that the Harry Potter books have long finished, and the movies are almost done too, the participation on HPANA has dwindled a fair bit, but we still have that lovely community that, for all its smaller size, is still as addictive and fun as it ever was. I'm still making friends on there, even after five years, and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I'll always have a soft spot for Harry Potter, but I believe that it is HPANA that will inspire the fondest memories for me in the years to come.

Don't forget, first person to post gets to have control over me for my next blog post!