Pimping my Pal & Begonia Bribing

The Pimping...

I talk to a LOT of people in the online community. A LOT. I've been active online for around nine years now, give or take, and I'm far more outgoing online than I am in real life. Online, I can let loose the crazy person inside and have virtually no fear of being given the raised Eyebrows of Doom. Well, I probably still get the Eyebrows of Doom, but because I don't see it, it doesn't matter.

My first online home was HPANA (The Harry Potter Automatic News Aggregator), which sadly shut down a while back so I can't provide a link. I was deeply engrossed in the Potter fandom and picked HPANA as my online outlet - and it literally changed my life. I started writing shortly after joining the site, and I can honestly say that without HPANA, I wouldn't currently be biting my nails about whether my debut novel is selling or not.

But I digress (something I do an awful lot, but embrace because one of my earliest online friends advocates digression as a religion).

Anyway, what got me actually writing was plucking up the courage to join the fanfic community on HPANA. I stumbled into the Fan Fun forum one day, and I was happy to find lots of lovely Harry Potter stories that I could lose myself in while I waited for book six to arrive. I started my own writing with a pretty mediocre fanfic called 'The Wedding', which was a novella length story about Ron and Hermione's big day. I'll be honest, it was crap. And I do mean crap. But people seemed to like it, and when I started the sequel (Harry, Ginevra, and the Rocky Road of Romance - yeah, that really was the title *snort*) I had a pretty strong fan base. In fact, I would say that 'Rocky Road' is a good comparison to my current novel, as the wacky and crazy tone is a pretty close match.

The Watery Tart

Anyway, as well as the crazies, I also attempted a couple of more serious stories. One of them, 'Lily's Choice', was the first, and it was a fanfic based on my theory of Harry's mother, the deceased Lily Potter. This was the story that brought me more interest, and one of my biggest supporters was Tami. From day one, she was just fabulous, and when she started posting her first fanfic, 'The Other Prince'(the sublime story of Snape's mother, Eileen Prince), well I of course had to read right away and offer my support in return.

Let me tell you, 'The Other Prince' was more than sublime, it was brilliant. And it was very obvious that Tami was a gifted writer, who would one day end up being published. And not only did we support each other's stories, we also became friends. Real friends. Tami just has zany humour, and we really clicked because I am the same way.

When Tami started posting her second fanfic, 'The Best Laid Plans (Sometimes Go Awry)', I was on board right way, and it was just as fantastic as her first story, though the tone was very similar in many ways to my 'Rocky Road' story. We both told a serious story, but we both infused our work with crazy scenes.

By now, we were big mutual fans, and it was the start of a real friendship. When HPANA shut down, we were sad, but we still contacted each other. We had Facebook. We had our writer's group (made up entirely of HPANA members, by the way). And we actually met in real life a few years ago, too, which is pretty amazing seeing as Tami is from Ann Arbor, Michigan, and I am from little old Cardiff, in Wales (our writer's group met up in Cardiff several years ago when the opportunity arose to showcase some of our drabbles [100 word pieces of fiction] at a Cardiff art gallery).

Anyway, ANYWAY... basically, we mind melded virtually from the start. We just share the same humour, and sometimes even share the same thought, wacky though that sounds. There are only a handful of people I can say that about, and these are the people that I call my best friends. I have a few of these people in the real world, which is awesome, but for me to have that in the online world, too... well it's nuts. I don't know where I'd be without my HPANA buddies. The website may have gone, but the friendships have remained.

The Bribing...

Well it's not really a bribe, but the fabulous Tami (aka Alyse Carlson) has a book baby birthday today!! Her second cozy, 'The Begonia Bribe', has just hit the shelves!! *throws confetti* I'm so thrilled that Tami took her writing to the next level, and so proud of my mind melding friend. Her first cozy was a BEST SELLER!! And I'm pretty sure that the follow up will rocket too. *nods* Here's the deets, and HUGE CONGRATS to my friend, the awesomest Watery Tart in the world! *glomps Tami*


The Blurb:

Roanoke, Virginia, is home to some of the country’s most exquisite gardens, and it’s Camellia Harris’s job to promote them. But when a pint-sized beauty contest comes to town, someone decides to deliver a final judgment …

A beauty pageant for little girls—the Little Miss Begonia Pageant—has decided to hold their event in a Roanoke park. Camellia is called in to help deal with the botanical details, the cute contestants, and their catty mothers. She soon realizes that the drama onstage is nothing compared to the judges row. There’s jealousy, betrayal, and a love triangle involving local newsman—and known lothario—Telly Stevens. And a mysterious saboteur is trying to stop the pageant from happening at all.

But the drama turns deadly when Stevens is found dead, poisoned by some sort of plant. With a full flowerbed of potential suspects, Cam needs to dig through the evidence to uproot a killer with a deadly green thumb.

by Alyse Carlson

Available at Amazon, and pretty much anywhere that sells books. So, you know, go buy it. *smiles winsomely*

Published Princess

What's that? Published Princess???

Yes, you read correctly! I have no idea how it happened - it really is a mystery to me! - but I appear to have gotten myself a publisher for my innuendo-filled Cardiff tale. *is still recovering from shock*

Now, if you are one of my Facebook friends, you will already know this (as I announced it yesterday), but this announcing thing is fun, and surely it deserves a post of it's own on here. *nods* I'll be updating the Cardiffella Blog over the next few weeks with news as and when it happens, but for now, I'll just quickly say that in a little over two months - April 29th to be exact - my prudish pussy(cat) will be unleashed on the world!!

My pussy is going to be famous! Well, sort of...

Who'd have thought that my feline fairy godmother would make it, eh?

More to the point, who'd have thought that a Procrastinating Princess would ever kick her own butt enough to keep querying her innuendo-filled novel? This is why it's a mystery, you see...

Those of you in the know will remember that I wrote Cardiffella way back in 2009 during NaNoWriMo (you know, that crazy event where you write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November). It was great fun - what with the pussy jokes and the obligatory mention of wobbly sausages - but it was also NUTSO when it came to doing it. Particularly since I wrote it between three computers, not a one of them in full working condition. Between the three, there was just about enough to make ONE decent computer. Of course, they all died on me several times (and obviously came back to life), and between THAT and the 'boken keboa' (that was extremely fwuztwatin, let me tell you), it was a truly heroic effort.

But anyway, it was done. And I was proud of myself for not putting it off and actually finishing it. So proud, in fact, that I let it sit on my hard drive for over two years before doing anything with it. *shifty*

Last year I managed to talk myself into fixing it up so that I could submit it to a publisher. I formatted like crazy so that it looked nicer; I cleared up the (thousands of) typos, took a few words out (and added a few here and there). Finally, in September, I sent out two queries. Not being delusional (well, actually, I AM delusional for the most part, but you know what I mean), I figured there was no way it would be accepted (which it wasn't). But more than anything, I wanted a little feedback as to what would be needed to make it publishable, and I wanted the feedback from someone in the publishing game.

To my surprise, although it wasn't accepted, it actually did rather well - making it as far as the acquisitions team, no less. It failed at the final hurdle, which was, while disappointing, also extremely encouraging. Now, this happened in the last week of January - so a mere few weeks ago - and I thought to myself, well, if it made it THAT far, maybe I should just keep submitting. I told myself that I would submit it to another four publishers, and if I didn't get any feedback, then I would work on it some more before submitting again.

At no point, you see, did I think that it was going to be accepted.

So I sent out to another four publishers and heard back from one on the very same day. They told me it was a 'fun idea', and that they 'loved my voice', but as they were already working on  a similar series, they would have to decline.

*sigh*

But you know, that was even more encouraging than the previous rejection. I mean, this time the editor had given me a little feedback, even if it was only a few words. I was resigned, but still feeling pretty good. Surely I'll get a 'revise and resubmit' soon, I thought.

But - shocked and stunned as I was - I got much better! Last Thursday I got an acceptance, and I signed the contract over the weekend. Pretty cool, huh?

As I said, I'll be giving more details on the whole she-bang over on the book blog, but I just HAD to swing by my Procrastinating Princess blog to formally 'come out'.

Onwards and upwards, my friends, onwards and upwards!

Image self-taken.

I really likes it, like innit...

Last night I waz avin sum wine like, and nosin around Facebook, azyoudoo, and I fort I'd do a status update fingy where I menshunned the fact that it would be nice to like, like it when people 'like' sumfink. On Facebook, see, if you iz feelin layzee and dunt want to bovver commentin on sumone's status, you can 'like' it, like innit? Only sumtimes, you might not like the fing that is on the status, but you might like the fact that sumone likes it nuntheless, youknowarrimean?  So there should definitely be sum way to like a like, like.

Anywayz, when I posted this yer conundrum, lotsa peeps started liking it, like. And then the peeps wot weren't being layzee also commented, and then they liked the comments about liking the likes too, like. And then I fort, bluddy ell, imagine bloggin about the likes in Taff speak, coz we Taffies always says like, like anyway.

Anywayz, by the end ov the night, like, there were like twenty odd notifications on my Facebook omepage, and most ov them waz likes. Peeps had been liking all over the place, like, it waz bluddy bangin! Course, I may ave fort it waz bangin coz of the wine, like, and praps the vodka might ave had a lirrlebi to do wiv it too. But it dunt marrer, like, one way or the ovver, coz I still fort it waz funny. Youknowzitmakezsense!

While I iz yer, like, I should probbly menshun that I have been feelin a lirrlebi guilty like, about the fact that I aven't blogged much so far this yer. In fact, this iz only like my second blog post of two fousand and leven. I iz a very norty Taffy and obviously needs a good spankin like, innit. I aven't been a total layzee slag though, coz I ave been working on my fantasee novel in and out, plus my normal working and home stuff too. The fing wiv blogs though, iz that I needs a subject to tork about, like, and I iz still aving probs finking ov stuff. No marrer, though, coz az lon az I dunt leave it for munths on end like I did last yer, like, then this yer will be an improovemunt, like innit.

Next week I will be mostlee bizzi wiv this and that, but I iz aiming to get sumfink posted aroundabou Wensdee, like, and praps I can put togevver anovver post for Saturdee too, like. We'll see. In the meantime, if you az a Facebook 'coount, maybee you should try liking everyfink on there. Even if you dunt like it. If nuffink else, it passes the time, like innit?

Youknowzitmakezsense!

Image permission.

10 Things...

Tami's asked for a list of distractions that are responsible for me not doing what I should be doing -namely writing (or editing, you decide) - for her third request, and it is probably the easiest of my blogging challenges so far.  Look no further for...

10 Things That Are Very, Very Bad For Procrastinating Princesses

1 - The Television.

I'm not a huge watcher of television, but I do have my obsessions. I'm a nut for American stuff, from Supernatural to Fringe, from House to Eureka (and a lot of stuff in between). Luckily they don't all schedule at the same time of the year, but there are usually three or four serials that I watch weekly. Not a huge distraction by all means, but a distraction nonetheless. I'm also a nut for the X Factor (American Idol is the equivalent across the pond), and as we are currently in prime X Factor season, I am fearing multiple distractions for the next two months, though thankfully it only applies for a couple of hours at the weekend, so it is workable.

2 - My Job.

I only work sixteen hours a week (barring overtime), but they are all early shifts, so tiredness is a major bane of my life. Unplanned (but totally required) naps eat up several hours a week that could be otherwise more usefully occupied.

3 - Kids.

My son doesn't take a huge amount of my time up as such, but quite a large chunk of my time is swallowed up with pointless arguments and the stress that comes with having a teenager under your roof. My daughter, although not quite nine, takes up even more time with her constant demands for attention, and her inability to understand that she is not the centre of everyones' universe.

4 - Confidence (or lack of it).

Sometimes I think to myself that what I have written is the pantsiest thing ever, and I wonder if editing it is really worth my while. Moods like this are not conductive to getting things done at all. Which leads me to...

5 - Mood Swings.

Yup, I get them a lot. My episodic depression is mostly under control now, but I still get days here and there when all I want to do is sleep, cry, or clean like a mad woman. I have no control over this and just have to go with the flow. Thankfully these days are getting more sporadic, and when I do get them, they only last a day or two at a time.

6 - Facebook.

This is a biggie. I check in several times a day just to be nosy more than anything, but if that was the only thing that distracted me, I wouldn't be worried. It's those silly games, they're a nightmare for people with an addictive nature (like me, for example). I'm talking about Bejeweled Blitz mostly, though the recent discovery of Vegas Nights (very similar to Blitz, but with the added bonus of tournaments) is proving to be as much of an obsession as those shiny gems ever were.

7 - Other Online Duties.

I moderate on the fan fiction forum over at HPANA, and though the site is pretty quiet now that the Harry Potter books are finished, there's still stuff to keep me occupied. We're currently holding our annual fanfic awards, and while I don't really have much to do at present, there will be votes to tally and posts to compose for the results. All new forum posts by members need to be skimmed on a daily basis too to make sure the rules are being followed and nobody needs spanking (or editing, as the case may be).

8 - Reading.

I read every day, and seriously don't see a time when I won't. This is a good thing mostly, but if I really get sucked in to a story, I won't put the book down until I am done. It's a nice habit, no question, but when the Reading Bug attacks me, it's not good for my Writing Mojo at all.

9 - Cleaning.

I'm by no means a clean freak, but one of my coping strategies for my recent descent into madness was housework. Dusting, polishing, vacuuming, cleaning the oven, scrubbing the bathroom.... you name it, I did it. Mostly to eat up the time (which seems to drag terribly when you are feeling down), but also because housework is incredibly mind-numbing, and therefore essential when you want to have a couple of blissful, thought-free hours

10 - Wikipedia.

I use Wiki a lot, mostly because I'm pretty clueless about a ton of stuff and often have to look things up. The problem with Wiki is that they have these lovely, lovely hyperlinks which can take you to magical places where you can find out even more (usually pointless) information. Seriously, it's like that seven degrees of separation thingy. You type in something along the lines of , ooh, I don't know, lets say Jensen Ackles for the sake of argument (*shifty*), and suddenly you are clicking on the link that takes you to the page for one of his movies. Then you come across another actor who interests you, and so you click on his shiny link too. Before you know it, you've clicked about twenty hyperlinks, and three hours later you find yourself wondering why you are reading about soap powder (or something else equally as random).

So there we have it. Ten distractions that usually make me fall off the Writing Wagon. And believe me, that's just the tip of the iceberg....

*is doomed*

A New Start

The start of a new month, the start of the second (and better) half of the year, the start of the summer proper, and the start of a new project. Not to mention that I'm writing an entry for Rowan Coleman's Short Story Competition, which, funnily enough, has the theme of - you guessed it - 'a new start'. That's a fair few new starts for the month of July, is it not?

I really like July. *sighs happily* It's my birth month, so while I hate getting older (which, by the way, seems to accelerate as the years go by), it's still nice because my birthday is the one day of the year where I get to be treated. This year it's even better because it will fall on a Saturday, and somehow birthdays are always nice if they coincide with the weekend, yes?

Anyway, I wanted to blog on the first of July mainly because my writer's group is currently in the final stages of setting up our blog. We go live on the 5th, and as one of the contributors I have the dubious honor of having THIS blog on the blogroll. Now, as we are aiming to be entertaining, helpful and professional, I figured I didn't want my most recent blog title 'advertising' me. Somehow I don't think *is a failure* quite gets across an image I'm happy with.

Anyway, the new blog is really exciting for me personally because I get to work on a permanent project with my writer's group (The Burrow, for those of you who aren't experiencing Deja Vu). We work on projects several times a year, but this time it will be something that will be ongoing, so I get to enjoy the whole 'group working' thing on a regular basis. It will also hopefully open up a wider network for The Burrow as a whole. We've been 'together' for several years now, and have gone from a small forum thread to bigger and better things. We have a fabulous website which showcases our work (those projects I mentioned before), and are well on the way to becoming the authors we all aspire to be. We've gone from writing fan fiction, to displaying drabbles to images in an art gallery, to debut novels, and although it's been a long road and we're mostly all still travelling, one of us has secured a publishing deal (the fabulous Tami, of Confessions of a Watery Tart). 2010 is looking to be our best year yet, obviously!

Another new start for me this month is that I am back in the land of employment again. I returned to my previous job last week, and although it's only three days a week mostly (except when there's overtime, which already I am doing *rolls eyes*), it's going to suck a whole lot of time up. All my shifts start at 6am, which means I have to be up at 4:30am. *dies*. One of those days is a Sunday, too, which is already my worst day of the week.  Of course, this means that I have to go to bed earlier the night before each shift (which cuts writing time). I also end up going to bed earlier on the actual day of the shift too, which means that five nights a week I am losing at least two hours of writing time. As I tend to write the best during the late evening, this is a major loss.

On the other hand, because I do NOT want to spend the next x amount of years counting newspapers and cashing up tills, it is incredible incentive for me to crack on with the serious job of editing Cardiffella. I remember thinking two years ago (which was when I resigned) that I couldn't wait to be unemployed so that I could concentrate on my writing. Of course, being the Princess of Procrastination meant that the actual writing didn't really happen. Sure, I have written over the last two years, but it's definitely been far from the daily habit that I initially hoped for. I have dithered away a good few months, procrastinated for a couple more, avoided almost completely for three months or so, and wasted time on Facebook and what-not for another few months. Less than half of the last two years (heck, probably only as little as three months or so, let's be brutally honest here) has been used for the writing that I was so intent on accomplishing.

Life gets in the way of course, so I'm not going to take responsibility for stuff that's been out of my control, but even if I ignore the last six months, that's still eighteen months that could have been used much better. The funny thing is, I'm actually a little bit glad to be working again, despite the sucky hours. For some strange reason I seem to work better when I don't have too much time on my hands. I think the thought of being 'free' from employment went to my head, and instead of doing what I should have done, I ended up doing anything and everything else, just because I could.

So....  that's a new month, a story about a new start, a new blog, a new life routine, and a new incentive to get my novel ready for submission. Lots of 'news'. Or lots of news, whichever way you want to look at it.

Keep an eye out for the new blog next week. I'm sure myself and my fellow Burrowers will all share the link not only on our blogs, but on our Facebook profiles too. We've all shared details of our writer's group on our individual blogs before, so it will be lovely to have you visit an off-shoot of The Burrow where several of us will contribute. Maybe you'll get to know us a little better, and hopefully we'll help and inspire as well as entertain.

Happy July 1st everyone!

*shifty*

Ten Things To Do When Procrastinating Over Writing Your BuNo Novel....

Randomly decide that today will be the best day ever to sort out the cupboard under the kitchen sink. Of course, when cupboard under the kitchen sink is arranged in a more orderly manner, other cupboards in the kitchen will obviously need a little tidying too.

For research purposes, spend a little time observing the family cat in order to document feline daily behaviour. Forget that your family's puss is in fact an ordinary cat and not the talking puss from your novel, and waste further time by trying to engage said cat in an intellectual conversation. Nuff said.

Play Bejeweled Blitz.

Get extremely annoyed and vexed because your Writing Mojo didn't do his job properly and spank you when he caught you playing Bejeweled Blitz.

Get sucked into watching iCarly with your daughter, even though you usually plug your ears and ignore the TV at all other times.

Write pointless blogs which will probably only be read by the author, and which only serve the purpose of filling another space in order to be one step closer to that magical 100th blog post goal.

Log into Facebook, scroll down the homepage with your eyes closed and randomly left-click your mouse. Open your eyes and read the entire page of wherever the magic mouse click took you. Bonus points if you click on Bejeweled Blitz.

Go to the shop and buy a lottery ticket. Spend an hour daydreaming about how you would spend your millions, and fine tune the shortlist of publishing houses that you intend to 'donate' to in return for publishing your novel.

Forgo the usual exasperated "You are not watching THIS again!" speech when daughter puts on a movie, then spend 90-odd minutes guiltily being entertained by Johnny Depp's Cry Baby.

Waste half an hour thinking up a tenth thing for the Ten Things To Do When Procrastinating Over Writing Your BuNo Novel list.

The Fairy Godmother's Handbook

Yes, all Fairy Godmothers have to follow rules, and they have a trusty handbook to refer to in times of need. There is also the Godmother Council, of which the Chief Fairy holds supreme authority over, and has the power to strip a Fairy Godmother of her abilities. 
No, I'm not going mad (mostly because that would suggest I was sane to begin with), I've just been working on my prologue for Cardiffella in the last week or so, and during the process I came up with the idea of a handbook for Fairy Godmothers. You see, my Fairy Godmother is a cat - a talking tabby cat to be more specific - and there had to be a reason why I had a talking cat in my novel. I've always known her back story, I just never figured out how I would explain it in the novel. As I began to type last week, the idea for a handbook popped into my head, and before I knew it I had a Chief Godmother, a whole court system, and a complete godmother history champing at the bit to come out of my brain. Mad, eh?

Anywho, seeing as I am writing the sequel next month for BuNoWriMo (Lordy, that sounds really scary now *snort*), it's probably just as well that I had the idea for the handbook right at this moment. My talking cat is set to appear in not only the sequel to Cardiffella, but several more books too. Suddenly my Fairy Godmother is not a peripheral character, she's the main character. Suddenly my interfering pussy is taking over the world (or my stories, at any rate).

Anywho, I thought I'd post up the first five rules from The Fairy Godmother's Handbook, but before I did that I needed to explain a little bit about what it was all about. Hence the ramble posted above. *snort* I'm toying with the idea of having a different 'rule'  included at the beginning of every chapter (not necessarily in any particular order). I'm not one for creating chapter titles anyway (I usually stick to the boring 'Chapter One' etc format) and I thought that using a rule to kick off each chapter might be a nice little gimmick. Thus I now present you with the provisional first five rules as printed in the official Fairy Godmother's Handbook, and endorsed by none other than the Chief Fairy Godmother herself.

Rule Number One - Only accept true damsels as clients; fake damsels, wicked widows, evil step-mothers and witches-in-disguise need not apply.

Rule Number Two - When performing one's duties, a Fairy Godmother must at all times remain ladylike and polite. Profanity, vulgar language and displays of temper are not encouraged lest they set a poor example to the client.

Rule Number Three - Always remember that the client is never right, and doesn't know what is good for them.

Rule Number Four - Never allow a client to expose themselves publicly. Remember, a true damsel remains covered from the neck down at all times.

Rule Number Five - Exercise is important. All clients should be encouraged to partake in some exercise on a regular basis. This will not only benefit the general health of your client, but also will also facilitate 'accidental' meetings with their prospective partners.

Of course, these rules are in the draft stage and are subject to change, but I couldn't resist sharing my latest spurt of insanity, not least because I couldn't think of anything else to blog about. I am being overtaken by BuNoWriMo at the moment, and can think of nothing else but my talking cat. I sense that I may be blogging about her quite Alot * in the weeks to come....

*Not a typo, I intended to type 'Alot'. For you to understand the inside joke, then I am afraid that you'll have to become a member of BuNoWriMo and read their page on Facebook. Not that I'm bribing you or anything, honest.

Dear Writing Mojo

Dear Writing Mojo,

I realise that it has been quite some time since I required your services, but I am currently gearing up to participate in BuNoWriMo, which is, as I'm sure you know, a rip off borrowed concept of the more widely known NaNoWriMo. In just a few short days I shall find myself invisibly glued to my laptop in order to write around 1800 words a day for the duration of the month of June.

Now, as I'm sure you'll remember, you serviced me greatly last November when I took part in the previously mentioned NaNoWriMo. You weren't always obvious with your mentoring - indeed, some days I suspect you escaped to the local pub for a bevvy or two - but for the most part you did your job well. By the skin of my teeth, I finished my novel with a final word count of 50,091. Yay!

This time around, I wanted to make sure that you knew what your actual requirements were, for when you are employed as a Writing Mojo, there are certain things that you must be able to do. For instance, you must be able to be around as and when you are required, preferably during daylight hours, and most especially when I am without my children.

That means no more trips to the local pub.*glares*

Next, I would require you to maintain full cheerleader skills for the entire month. An aspiring author needs a little pom-pom waving and verbal encouragement on a daily basis if she wishes to achieve her goal. For that purpose, I am providing you with full outfit and accessories in order for you to fulfil your cheerleader requirements.

Now, seeing as 'Mojo' is part of your title, I am also demanding that you take the form of one of my mojos whenever you are in residence. I am not going to be overly picky here and demand a particular persona for you, but if you would be so good as to take the form of Jensen Ackles, Viggo Mortensen, Gerard Butler, Ian Somerhalder, or that bloke from Spartacus: Blood and Sand, I would be suitably grateful. And if you combine both mojo and cheer leading elements at the same time, I assure you that I would be most demonstrative with my gratitude.

Next up is something that is crucial to achieving my BuNoWriMo Winner status. You must - I repeat must - be sure to punish me when I am slacking. If you were to find me playing Bejeweled Blitz, for example, a thorough spanking would definitely be in order. Indeed, nothing else would do.

And if you catch me procrastinating in any way on Facebook or HPANA, then you have my full permission to put me in chains and punish me in which ever way you deem fit (I would suggest whips, and maybe a little ice cream, but the choice would be yours, of course).

When it comes to the actual writing of my BuNoWriMo novel, I have a couple of other demands requests. Obviously I will have to include several pussy jokes in the manuscript - one can't have a talking cat in a story and not have pussy jokes after all - but I would humbly ask that you keep an eye on me in case I go overboard. It's never a good idea to overuse a pussy, as I'm sure you'll agree.

Another thing is is innuendo. Once again, there has to be a certain amount of innuendo in this type of novel, but in order for me not to go crazy and include innuendo in every other sentence, I shall require you to nibble my earlobes at frequent intervals. The pleasure pain from these timely reminders should hopefully be enough to override any innuendo impulses that I may experience. *shifty*

Lastly, in order for me to truly succeed, my fingers will need to be in prime condition in order for me to type properly. As I'm sure you are aware, fingers that aren't in prime condition are liable to produce copious typos and spelling errors when one is writing a novel on one's laptop. After last year's NaNoWriMo effort - which I suspect had larger numbers of incorrectly spelled words than correctly spelled words - you really must make more of an effort this year. Suitable treatments for producing perfectly pliable fingers include massage and manicures, though my personal preference would be for you to suck on them occasionally. I really find that this type of treatment can work wonders on poor, overworked, and aching extremities.

If you could just confirm that the above suggestions are agreeable, I would be most grateful. I humbly ask that you reply as soon as you possibly could as I am anxious to get matters settled before the end of the month.

Sincerely,

Tara Smith

Writing Challenges

Hello all! A quick(ish) blog from me today, mostly because I have a ton of things that need doing, but also because I'm recovering from my trip to the dentist this morning (and the six injections I had to suffer through). *shudders*

The next few months look like they're going to be pretty busy ones. First off, there's the BuNoWriMo, which I briefly mentioned before. Like NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), BuNoWriMo promises to be manic. My writer's group (The Burrow) are hosting their own mini version of NaNoWriMo (hence the 'Bu' rather than the 'Na' at the start), and it starts in less than a week. The month of June should hopefully see lots of lovely new novels written by everyone who participates. These novels will be written at top speed, whether by hand or by typing, and they all promise to have many typos and plot gaps, but that's part of the fun. *grins*

"Fun?" you say. Yes, fun! Because although I'm betting more than a few of us will be stressing like mad during the process, the beauty of the challenge is that the completed novel isn't meant to be perfect. You are supposed to write, write, write - and that's it. No reading over what you have done, no spellchecking, no going back to tweak something that bothers you. Just write. It's quite liberating, actually, because you don't really have time to doubt yourself.

So I'm asking anyone and everyone who reads this to think about taking part in BuNoWriMo. Yes, I'm talking about YOU! All you need is a slight leaning towards insanity, plenty of pens/pencils and notebooks (or a working computer), and the will power to let go of those annoying I Must Write This Perfectly habits. Oh, and a Facebook account, because that's where we're hosting the official group.

Moving on quickly, I wanted to let you all know about a short story competition that I'm also writing for. It's only open to UK residents unfortunately, but the prizes are fabulous, and include online help from a published author, book vouchers, signed books, and, most impressive of all, a meeting with an agent from a publishing house! How awesome is that? The host of the competition is the author Rowan Coleman, and you can find full details of the competition and the prizes right here. Incidentally, Rowan also hosts a fabulous mini competition on her Facebook page every Friday. You have to write a short story in 420 characters or less and post it as your status. It's fun to do, and it doesn't take long to write. I've participated for the last three weeks and had a ball writing for it. It's open to everyone, and I highly recommend having a go!

And while I write for BuNoWriMo and the above competition, I shall also be continuing with the editing of Cardiffella, and possibly working too, depending if any of my job applications are successful. I'm also going to try and teach myself how to build a website, because I have an idea that's been fermenting for some time now, and I'm about ready to give it a shot (I'm not saying anything more until I have it ready. Which could be never, seeing as I'm so technically challenged.*snort*). Summer's going to be crazy this year! *faints*

Anywho, that's it for today,  I'll catch you all soon!

Image is courtesy of our lovely honorary Burrow member, Joris, who produces beautiful images for both our writing group, and for individual projects. You can contact Joris at jorisammerlaan@gmail.com

I iz Taffin' again....

Whassup, peeps? I is 'aving a bangin' day today! First ov all, itz bluddy BOILing yer in the Kair of Diff, itz unfriggin'believable how 'ot itz got in the last two dayz like, innit? I mean, it was bluddy rain, rain, and MORE rain a coupla dayz ago, but now itz like, I dunno, a bluddy foreign country or sumfink.

At the moment I iz sat on the sowfa and typing this yer blog like, with sum moozic blastin' in the background. Me doorter is bopping around like the Mini Disco Diva that she iz, and I iz tappin' me foot along to Lady Gaga. Issallgood, innt?

P-P-P-Poker face, p-p-poker face....

Anywayz, while Lady Gaga (digitally) warbles in me lugholes, I thought I'd squeeze a blog in. I've bin busy all day today, spending lotsa time and 'avin' lotsa fun wiv me very amoozing pussy. Now, if you've bin paying attenshun - and I 'ope you 'ave -  you'll know that me amoozing pussy is not anyfink rood like, itz just me furry little friend. *reads last sentence* That's still a bit innuendo-y, ain't it? What I ment is me pussy is me furry little literary friend, cos my pussy is called Muse and she is like a characta in me novel. 'onestly, you is all filfy-minded peeps, ain't ya?

Anyways, coz I 'ave to add, like, anuvver ten fousand words to me novel if I wants to submit it fer publishin', I needs to like add quite a bit to it. There's a coupla new charactas to squeeze in, and some scenes need a bit of lengthenin' like, but a good free fousand words is gunna come from the prologue. And this is where I've bin having fun wiv me pussy. See, Muse is a fairy godmother, and she's like a recurrin' characta. Okay, she's not a recurrin' characta as of yet, coz me novel is the only book she's in like, but me novel is book one of a planned series, so eventually she'll be a recurrin' characta, see? *nods*

So, today I've bin puttin' me pussy threw her paces. She's been reminiscin' on her previous cases, see, and itz in order to flesh out her characta. You see, there's nothin' better than a fleshed out pussy.

And that's anuvver fing; today's bin bangin' becoz I've bin innuendo-in' all day long, coz innuendo is like the best fing since sliced bred, innit? You could be 'aving the worst day evah, but as long as you get a bit of innuendo in, everyfing just seems a little bit betta, don't it? Youknowzitmakezsense!

In ovver Itz Bin A Bangin' Day So Far news, I'm chuffed to beans becoz me networkin' is definitely paying off. I've now got almost two hundred more Facebook friendz than I 'ad three weeks ago - thatz like, more than double what I 'ad before! Sweet! And everyone is like, so nice! I 'ave to admit, this adding and accepting new friends fingy is so addictive, itz like, I dunno, choclut or sumfink. I loves it, I do, I loves it!

Lastly, there is one more reason I is 'aving a bangin' day, and that's BuNoWriMo. Now, I know that reading 'BuNoWriMo' might make you fink "what the 'ell is that?", and 'onestly, I wouldn't blame you becoz, well, unless you is psychic, you won't have a bluddy clue what I is talkin' about. See, BuNoWriMo is basically NaNoWriMo, only wivout the 'Na' bit at the start (and wiv 'Bu' there instead). Now, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month, which is like a worldwide fing that 'appens in November, and 'as peeps from all ovah the planet attemptin' to write a 50,000 word novel in firty dayz. Itz bluddy manic, I can tell you, but lotsa fun too. The only reason I had a pussy to play with today is because of NaNoWriMo, so I loves it, I do, I loves it.

Anywayz, my writers group is doin' itz own version of NaNoWriMo, and coz we is called The Burrow, we like altered the name like, innit? We iz gonna attempt a 50,000 word novel in June. Now, this is where me recurrin' pussy comes into play, coz I is gonna write the sequel to my original NaNo novel for BuNoWriMo, and the provisional title is gunna be Beauty has the Beast (nuffink like an innuendo-y type title, is there?), and will once again be set in me home town, the Kair of Diff (that's 'Cardiff' to anyone who ain't familiar wiv Taff speak). I like, can't wait to get crackin' on it, so I iz like totally buzzin'!

If anyone would like to participate in BuNoWriMo, I'll be like posting details and stuff when I knowz more, and we will like advertise and stuff on our Burrow Facebook page. It's gunna be crazy, but fun, and the more peeps who take part, the betta!

I'll keep you posted on BuNoWriMo, but in the meantime I needz to go back and have sum more fun wiv me furry little friend, so I'll catch you all later! Byez fer now!

Dear Word....

Dear Word,

I have already had experience in doing battle with you, and have rambled extensively about your many annoying quirks, but today I am laughing at you. Ha! Ha ha ha! See, I'm laughing, and it's no mere chuckle, oh Irritating Adversary Of Mine, oh no indeed. It's a full on, laugh out loud, stomach-aching, almost-choke-to-death, big old belly laugh.

You first tried to defeat me with your army of red and green squiggles, but I found ways to avoid conflict. Ignoring is a good defence tactic, after all. Then you sent me copious Fragment; Consider Revising Missiles, but once again, I was able to deflect having mastered the intricate avoiding manoeuvres that are Ignoring, Sticking Up The Middle Finger, and Poking Out Tongue.

You'd have thought you'd have learned your lesson by now, but you had to keep trying, didn't you? For the last six weeks we have been engaged in a sporadic battle of headers and page numbers. Each time I thought I'd made a breakthrough, you'd sneak up and steal the advantage from me. Oh, you're a clever adversary, I'll give you that.

But not as clever as me.

Well, not as clever as my friend at any rate. *shifty*

You see, Oh Wily Word, I decided that our skirmishes needed to come to an end one way or another, and so I enlisted the help of the Facebook Fusiliers. All I had to do was request help, and help arrived. In the form of innuendo, no less (which is the best kind of help, don't you agree?).

And so, my defeated adversary, I have you licked. The Battle for Headers and Page Numbers is at an end, and it was little old me that was the victor.  So there.

And if you don't want to see me doing the victory dance (which includes shouting 'Yes!' repeatedly in an orgasmic manner, and hula-ing with the invisible hula hoop), then I suggest employing one of my favorite war tactics - that of ignoring. It works a treat.

Not that I'm gloating or anything....

Actually I am.

Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuuuuuh!

Sincerely,

Tara (I beat you, you sucker!) Smith

Tales of the Unexpected

I was supposed to have blogged two days ago about the similarities and differences between my worldwide friends, but Thursdays are iffy days for blogging, mostly because I usually have company all day. I figured I wouldn't worry about it and blog on Friday instead, no sweat, right?

But yesterday was a strange day. I had no inkling that it was a strange day until around 7pm, but it was a strange day all the same. I followed my usual Friday routine of getting up, making packed lunches for the kids and seeing them off to school. Then I ventured into Canton (the nearest decent place to grocery shop) and stocked up on the essentials for the weekend before returning home and giving the house the pre-weekend tidy up. I managed to quickly write my status short story for this week's challenge (a new thing I've been participating in which requires you to write a short story in 420 characters or less and post it as your Facebook status every Friday).

So far, so good. I mean, I was running late, but that's pretty normal for me so I wasn't worried. I figured I'd catch up with the rest of the online stuff when I got back from the school run. I had my blog to do, I'd planned a little more networking on Facebook, and I wanted to drabble for my writer's group.

But then the day became strange. One minute I was fine, the next I suddenly nosedived into a pit of paranoia and panic. I have no idea why this happened, and I didn't have any of the usual warning signs. It was weird.

Many of you know that I have been suffering with depression for the last five months, and the depression has been the cause of my long absences from not only blogging, but the internet in general. Through trial and error, my doctor finally prescribed me something that, much to my surprise, appears to be working, and my episodic depression seems to be talking a back seat most of the time.  A couple of months ago I was a basket case most days, whereas now I am mostly back to normal. I managed two weeks without a large 'dip', and the dip only lasted a day instead of much longer.  That was last week, and I remember thinking how pleased I was to have gone fourteen days without turning into Mrs Cry Baby.

But yesterday my inner It returned. Now usually I have a day or two's warning; I feel a bit off - still able to function, just not quite right. It's awful, because I know I'm heading towards a really bad day, but at least I know it's coming and I can prepare for it somewhat. Yesterday's re-emergence of It was completely unexpected. The only warning I had was that I was blocked when it came to writing, but because I have always had these blocks I didn't recognise it as a warning sign. By the time I'd put the kids to bed I was antsy. An hour later and I was climbing the walls.

What followed was a couple of hours experiencing a mild panic attack, and a night mostly spent trying to get to sleep, but failing abysmally. I don't know whether it's nerves or something, but when It comes to visit, I spend half the night needing to pee (sorry if that's too much information).

Anyway, I managed to fall asleep eventually, only to be woken up by the 6:30am alarm for my hubby. I knocked it off and within the space of about thirty seconds was deeply asleep again. But then the alarm went off again because I'd hit the 'snooze' button instead of the 'off 'button. My few minutes of deep slumber were cruelly ended and suddenly I was wide awake. Isn't it odd how you can be so deeply asleep one minute, and wide awake the next? I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep again so I got up.

Of course, now I am exhausted and will no doubt fall asleep at some point during the day (if my kids allow it), but on the good side, It seems to be largely absent, so her visit was only a short one this time around. She left just as suddenly as she arrived. Odd, that - but I'm not complaining.

Anyway, that's today's ramble for you. I may yet get to that blogging about my worldwide friends thingy, but I now have this foible where I tend to avoid things that were triggers or reminders of my It moments, so it's not looking likely. It's definitely a Stubborn Thing rather than a Logic Thing, because I know that blogging was NOT a trigger for my inner It visiting, but logic never comes into play when I am playing host to It, so I've given up trying to to reason with Stubborn Thing because I know that I'm never going to win.

And here endeth today's blog thingy.

Mixed Mutterings

I'm on day six of my requests now, and today's going to be the trickiest one so far. I needed a request, so I posted a Facebook status asking for suggestions. I immediately got three, and, because the whole point of this request thingy is that I don't get to choose, I updated my status and started a poll. Whichever subject had the most votes would be blogged about today. Sounds fairly simple, yes? That's what I thought, at any rate. Only when I went to check on the progress, it appeared that the most votes went to an option that I hadn't even thought of - namely, blog about all three suggestions.

My three suggestions were jelly (or jello to my across-the-pond buddies), Monty Python, and insane friendships. As if that wasn't tricky enough, I also had votes for chocolate and coffee. So today's ramble is going to be even more rambling than it usually is, and that's something I thought wasn't possible. *snort*

So, where do I begin? I guess I'll go with chocolate first, seeing as that is something I have mostly given up in the last five months, and is something that almost everyone loves. Now you can get all kinds of chocolate - white, dark, milk, nutty, toffee etc - and you can spend as little or as much as you choose, depending whether you buy the corner shop bar or the box of Thornton's-I-Have-To-Many-Calories-For-You-To-Even-Contemplate-Deluxe-Extraordinaire. As with many things, I prefer the cheaper option. Offer me a couple of 15p Freddo bars (I'm still mourning the increase from 10p to 15p a couple of years ago), or a box of Thornton's, and I'd typically go for the Freddo bars. I think it's mostly because Freddo bars make me feel like a kid again (although they seem terribly small now compared to 25 years ago). Thinking about it, ALL chocolate bars seem tiny now. Okay, I'm a lot bigger than I was at six years of age, but I'm still pretty sure that Mars bars are about half the size they used to be....

Anyway, from chocolate to coffee, because that seems like a natural progression, yes? It might not seem that way to you, but it does to me. At least it seems the most suitable leap when compared to the other subjects. Actually, I'd thought of jelly being next, but I have an actual link to another topic for that one, so I'm saving it till later. I know you wanted to know that.

So, coffee. I enjoy a cup of frothy coffee as much as the next person (unless that person is allergic to caffeine, of course), but I'm not dependent on the stuff. I'll have a two or three cups a week, but I'm more of a tea girl. But when I do have coffee, my absolute favorite is a cappuccino - preferably with plenty of chocolate sprinkled over the top (Ha! See! That's how I leaped from chocolate to coffee! I'm not mad at all!) Of course, Starbucks is the best place to get said cappuccino, but the nearest Starbucks to me is a half hour bus ride away, so not really practical. I've tried the homemade ones, but they're just not the same. Plus you don't get to have them in a spiffy Starbucks mug ,unless you want to pay £10 for one (or 'borrow' one when it has accidentally fallen into the back of your daughter's buggy) *shifty*

But yeah, I can see the attraction of coffee, especially because it has the ability to make some people very hyper, with the added bonus of not having to drink alcohol to get that way. Then again, some people mix their alcohol with coffee, and then they turn absolutely bonkers.

Which leads me very nicely to Monty Python. (See! I do have a plan to get from one topic to another!)

I adore Monty Python, though I'm by no means an expert. Of course, I could probably say ten things off the top of my head if we were playing the word association game and the prompt was 'Monty Python', but I'm not so knowledgeable about them that I can quote entire scenes word for word.  What I do know, is that practically everyone on the planet has heard of them, and most people have a favorite quote. I'm actually torn, because I have favorite quotes from two of their best movies - Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Life of Brian. I love both movies, but I think Grail might just have the edge. Brian may possibly have my all-time favorite movie quote ever - "He's NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY naughty boy!" - but Grail is just a roller coaster of laughs from beginning to end. From the coconut-wielding party of 'questers', to the slightly dubious minstrel; from Castle Anthrax to the Knights of Ni; from shrubberies to the 'it's just a flesh wound' arm-less guard, it's pure hysteria for the entire duration. I haven't watched these movies for years, but talking about them now makes me want to watch them right now....

Of course, Monty Python were years ahead of their time, in my opinion, and their humor never seems to date. Some comedies lose their sparkle when watched a decade or two after they were first broadcast, but Monty Python's strain of alternative comedy is just as funny now as it ever was, and continues to draw new fans. I think a lot of it is due to the fact you can just tell this group had lots of fun while they worked. The rapport between the Pythons was as obvious as it was infectious; you simply couldn't watch them without at least giggling, though I'd wager that full-bellied laughs were (and are) the usual reaction.

The fondness and obvious connection between the Pythons brings me very nicely to the subject of insane friendships. Now, I'm not talking about your average friends here, I'm talking about the people that you'd never have thought would be in your life. I have good friends from different 'areas' of my life. I'm still friends with several of my school buddies, and we still see each other and reminisce fondly about old times, at the same time creating brand new memories to reminisce upon in the years to come.  I have friends who are ex-colleagues from various jobs, and when meet up we still have a blast. Then there are the friends that are actually family members, both from my side and my husband's. But I'm not talking about these friends, much as I love them. I'm talking about online friends.

It really is insane how we can click with people that we will probably never meet. I had the good fortune to meet up with several of my online friends almost two years ago, but until we all land that magical publishing contract, this is unlikely to happen again any time soon. My online buddies are spread worldwide - literally, so meeting up with them is mostly a pipe dream. Yet although we've only ever spoken to each other online, I'm about as close as I can get to them as I could be. My very first two friends I met online were Ana and Corvis (Corvis is a nickname, and although she now uses her real name, she will always be Cor to me). Ana and Corvis.... wow, I don't know how to explain our incredible friendship without rambling for at least 10,000 words, and I'm pretty sure nobody wants to read 10,000 words about people they've never heard of.

As briefly as I can, I'll try to explain:  Ana + Corvis + Tara = Evil Triplets. Evil Triplets love Lord of the Rings,  Harry Potter, and speaking in asterisks. Evil Triplets would quite happily spend all day role playing LotR and smacking the lames (the lames in question usually tend to be Harry, Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore from Harry Potter). Evil Triplets drink plenty of beer, vodka and rum as often as they can. Evil Triplets love 'borrowing' scripts from movies and putting their own (usually insane) spin on them. Evil Triplets share the bond of being unable to stick to one username on HPANA. And Evil Triplets all share the same dream; TTTing across New Zealand. That would be 'The Two Towers-ing across New Zealand', which translates to touring the fabulous landscape that formed the backdrop for the lovingly made Lord of the Rings movies.

Of course, with Ana hailing from Columbia, Cor from Chicago, and me from Wales, we're not real triplets (quite apart from being different ages), but I've never felt so connected to anyone as I do with these two. I remember Cor phoning me a couple of years ago - for the very first time - and we talked for around three hours. I don't think I've laughed so much in my entire life (though I think Cor almost died when she got her phone bill, partly from shock, and partly because her lame (er, not Harry et all, but her husband at the time) almost killed her. We just jelled (which I know should be 'gelled', but I need to get onto jelly. *winks*).  I really love all of my online friends - and I have a lot - but Ana and Cor are my soul sisters, most definitely.

Now, speaking of jelled *coughs*, how about that jelly? Lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly. There's a lot you can do with jelly. *nods wisely* Not only can you bribe your kids with it (be good and you can have some jelly for afters!), you can have food fights with them (nothing like flicking copious amounts of jelly across the room), you can make alcoholic shots with them (vodka jelly anyone?), and apparently you can put it on your hair if you're a synchronized swimmer (so Tami informs me. Tami also asked me how to get rid of said jelly after it clogs the drains too, but I really have no idea, sorry Tami!) And to add to all this, the lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly not only tastes good, but is so rubbery and pliable that it has almost limitless possibilities when it comes to non-eating activities *nudge nudge wink wink* ifyouknowwhatImean. Youknowzitmakezsense.

And on that note, I think it might be wise to stop. So I shall. Feel free to imagine all sorts of jelly-inspired non-eating activities, I know I will.

Next request?

The Whole Networking Thingy

So I've finally gotten around to this networking malarkey that people keep telling me is so important in the frantic state that is Looking For A Publisher. I totally 'get' the process, but I'm not sure how successful I'll be. So far I've been friend requesting (on Facebook) as many authors as I can find - some are 'borrowed' from my current friends' friends lists, while others I have searched for manually. It's hit and miss - you don't always know that the person you're requesting to be friends with is actually the person you want. Like a wise man once said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get...."

It's also a bit awkward. I mean, it sort of feels cheeky friend requesting someone you have never met, especially because it sort of looks like you're only doing it to further your own interests. Which, okay, I sort of am, but not in a leechy kind of way. I wouldn't ask or expect anyone to help me hook an agent or a publisher, because at the end of the day that's something only I can do, with maybe a little help from Lady Luck (Say, I wonder if she is on Facebook? *snort*).

What I have already discovered, and this is only day one, is that the majority of authors out there (and not only authors, people in general I guess) are friendly, willing to help, and just basically nice human beings (being human always helps). Everyone starts off somewhere, and the important thing for me (and everyone else like me) to remember is that every published author out there today used to be right where I am now. Another important thing to remember is that in this internet evolved world, there are so many avenues open to aspiring authors than there was twenty or thirty years ago. You can google pretty much anything and everything, and if you research diligently, there is plenty of free help out there for struggling writers. You just need to know where to look.

Getting published will always be difficult, no matter how super-talented you are, or how fabulous your book is. But nobody is going to do it for you. So I'm embracing this networking thingy with open arms and hoping that being in the company of other authors - even if it is only internet-based company - will rub some positive energy onto me. A girl can hope, after all.

Meanwhile, I'm still going to try and find Lady Luck on Facebook though....

P.S. 

I'm not back to blogging every day, but am aiming for three or four times a week. In the interests of sticking to this new goal, I'm bringing back requests (seeing as it worked so well before). Some of you are familiar with the drill, but for those who aren't, the first person to post on today's blog gets to pick the subject for the next one. I figure I'll do five requests altogether, with the same stipulation.: first to post gets to make me blog about whatever they choose....

Try to be nice though. *snort*

I was only going to....

I think - and as I type this I am mentally crossing my fingers - I might actually be able to sit down long enough to type something. This is the fourth time today that I have attempted to update my blog. *rolls eyes* I've managed to get online a few times today, but each time was for about five minutes and I could do little more that 'like' a couple of friends' Facebook status messages. Okay, so I had a couple of games of Bejeweled too, but that was simply because there is a way to, ehm, tweak *coughs* the scores and I thought it might be funny to have a huge score, plus it only takes a couple of minutes. Anywho....

We have been snowed in here in the Kair of Diff. Well, mostly iced in if I am being truthful, but you know what I mean. Everyone has been panic buying milk, bread and vegetables, and there have been more than the usual amount of sirens blaring in the last couple of days owing to people slipping and sliding all over the place. Not good. Thankfully there hasn't been any major traffic accidents as far as I am aware, and I hope it stays that way.

Back to what I was saying before, this is the fourth time today that I have tried to blog. I had a 'spare' half an hour earlier (well, not exactly spare, but it was when hubby had popped out so it was a rare opportunity to nab the PC). Anywho, I thought I would blog, but I wanted to quickly check my emails and Facebook page in case anyone had left me a message (as you do). My step-daughter was online and I quickly grabbed the chance to ask her when she was calling for her Christmas presents. She has a phone, but I didn't have her new number (she changes her mobile about as often as I play Bejeweled. In other words, frequently).

Anyway (Lordy, I'm digressing today), I ended up chatting to her for a while (as you do) and we arranged for her to visit today. By the time we'd finished fixing times and lifts here and back home, hubby was home, so no blogging for me.

When she arrived she decided to pop down her nan's house as well as her bampy's house, so I thought - right! Time to blog! I decided to make a nice cup of tea to warm me up, and while I waited for the kettle to boil I started clearing up from the huge cooked breakfast that I had made earlier. I was only going to rinse the plates and stack them ready for washing up later on in the day, but once I started, I ended up cleaning the whole kitchen. By the time I poured my tea, hubby and step-daughter were back. Strike two.

I popped to the library to stock up on more books (these internet-free evenings are KILLING me), and grabbed the last quart of milk and two loaves of bread from the corner shop. Yay! I thought, no need to go out tomorrow! Of course, I almost broke my neck about five times walking up the hill back to my house (one step forward, three slips back), but I made it home safely, thank goodness. I made a well-earned cup of tea and grabbed a book to leaf through while the hubby played poker on Facebook.

Then hubby decided to go out, and I thought yes! This time I can DEFINITELY blog! Wahoo!!

*shifty*

I dutifully made the kids their tea at 5.45pm, only if you look at the time on this post (if you are in Britain, that is) you will notice that 5.45pm was well over two hours ago. I only went out the kitchen to prepare tea, but seeing as I had already cooked stuff earlier on, it was only a question of re-heating it and serving it up. I ended up changing bedding and putting the nth load of washing on, changing the chip pan oil (and all the cleaning that this job entails), bringing the hoard of Christmas goodies from my bedroom and finding homes for them in my already well-stocked kitchen cupboards, and just generally sorting things out.  I only went to get the kids their tea for crying out loud!! It wasn't as if I WANTED to do these things, I just became this robot that kept finding things to do. *scratches head in robot fashion*

Anywho, these are the perils of a procrastinator. Every day I have a 'I was only going to...' moment, and I swear they are never intentional, they just happen. What's makes it odd is that these moments are often linked to jobs that I absolutely HATE doing (*glares at chip pan*).

So that was my day, and I bet tomorrow will be just the same. I'm hoping to get online tomorrow evening, but if I don't, I'd like to wish everyone a fantastic Christmas, and I'd also like to say a great big THANK YOU to those of you have visited my crazy blog and been kind enough to read and comment on it.

*is a NaNo winner*

So I guess you probably noticed that I didn't blog yesterday. Well. I had a BRILLIANT excuse! *nods* Friday morning I still had ten thousand words to write if I wanted to complete this year's NaNoWriMo. I was doomed - well, I thought I was doomed at any rate. I'm pretty much all written out for the weekend, but rather than miss two days of blogging, I figured I post all of my status messages from the last two days or so. This covers two really good angles - one, I get to fill a blog, therefore only having my Missed Blog total stay a magnificant '1'. Two, posting my status updates from the last two days will probably explain what happened far better than any amount of rambling that I could possibly come up with. So, without further ado, I present...

Life Through A Facebook Lense (aka posting drivel to fill my blog).

Tara Smith  would
Fri at 07:43

Tara Smith  would like to write 5,000 words today. About as likely as winning the Euromillions tonight (seeing as I haven't entered it), but still, would LIKE to....
Fri at 07:44

Tara Smith  needs to give her daughter breakfast now....
Fri at 08:03

Tara Smith  *is Taffing again*
Fri at 19:43  (accompanied by blog link)

Tara Smith Latest NaNo excerpt (as in wrote in the last half an hour).
Yesterday at 00:30  (accompanied by Facebook Note)

Tara Smith  Hahaha, Ellie was cacking herself here.... it was hilarious! *is evil*
Yesterday at 01:13  (accompanied by photo of daughter trampoline-bungee-ing)

Tara Smith  Yay Tami!!!
Yesterday at 01:27 (accompanied by picture of high-fiving chickens)

Tara Smith  Lordy, I just found a half-decent piccy of myself in my friend's hubby's album! Crikey!
Yesterday at 02:36  (accompanied by link to said piccy)
 

Tara Smith  has checked her emails, done her NaNo sneak-peak duty as promised, cobbled together a drabble for The Burrow's advent calender, and gave the kids their breakfast. On to NaNo writing now, 9,097 words to go!
Yesterday at 10:15

Tara Smith  10 questions about your children....
Yesterday at 10:40  (obligatory procrastinating)

Tara Smith  7,896 words to go....
Yesterday at 11:47

Tara Smith  I LOVE themed parties! *steals pic*

Yesterday at 14:14  (more procrastinating, and accompanied by link to said piccy)

Tara Smith  Thanks hun!
Yesterday at 17:47   (accepting of Christmas card animation)

Tara Smith 6,876 words to go....
Yesterday at 18:20

Tara Smith  pussycat, pussycat, where have you been? I've been to Gretna to thwart a wicked queen (step-mother)......
Yesterday at 20:48

Tara Smith  Wicked step-mother thwarted, father saved, heroine on her way back to Cardiff, and 4,866 words to go!! *dances*
Yesterday at 22:02

Tara Smith  "Tara has written 47104 words so far for NaNo
WriMo 2009 ·" - And that's it for tonight, I'm all wrote
out. Only the grande finale to write now, which shall be done tomorrow, oh yes it shall.*nods* Only 2,896 words to go!! Woot!
15 hours ago

Tara Smith  is off to bed. Should have gone up an hour ago, but there we are....
14 hours ago

Tara Smith  1,088 words to go....
3 hours ago

Tara Smith Finished!!!! I wrote a freaking novel!! *faints*
2 hours ago

Tara Smith  Various positions open for readthroughs. The pay is crap (nil), you'll need to be able to decipher Tara-Typos (bad for the eyes), but on the good side, there are only 8 chapters*. (Admittedly, chapter 8 is sort of looong *coughsover30kcoughs*) Job open for selected time only, with priority for Burrowing buddies ;)
27 minutes ago

Tara Smith  For all my NaNo buddies and supporters - we kicked butt!! *glomps all*
22 minutes ago via iHeart  (Tara gave a Boom-Boom-Pow Heart to 29 friends.)

And that's the story of the last 48 hours..... see you tomorrow!!

*is confuzzlegasted*

Less than 24 hours ago, I blogged about not being able to blog for the next week, yet here I am. *shifty* The thing is, once you start, it's kind of hard to stop. I feel like I can't leave it in case I disturb my writing mojo, which so far has been pretty accommodating. Don't want to tempt fate (anallat).

Also, the very first comment after my blog about not blogging was *DIES*. That was it. One word. In caps lock. *faints* Not only was it from one of my favorite people in the whole world, it was from my (unpaid) illustrator. Seriously, I can't have her dying on me.

Then I had a message in my Facebook inbox. Another good friend (we have bonded permanently over our love of Remus Lupin, and our shared disgust at the way he was so brutally killed - off page too! - in the final Harry Potter book) informed me that I couldn't possibly NOT blog this week as apparently it was all she had to keep her going through the crappiest week of her life.

What's a girl to do? I simply cannot handle that much guilt, not all at the same time.

All this is very confuzzlegasting (confusing/puzzling/flabbergasting).*nods* Yes, I make up words, but honestly, sometimes you just have to make up words because one word alone doesn't convey what you want to say.

Confused.

Confused. (More so than usual because I can't get rid of that big red strip above. Hm).

I'm confused mainly because that's the way I am naturally. I'm always confused, it's just my way. I'm a natural Scratches Head On An Hourly Basis kind of girl.

Puzzled.

I'm puzzled because it just adds to the whole confused thing. Confusion is a natural state, but the puzzlement is the elevated version of mere confusion. *nods* (I hope I'm not confusing you).

Flabbergasted.

This is the biggie. You see, I'm really bemused (ohh, I could add that to my word, couldn't I - confuzzlegastemused - too much?) at the way my blog has apparently managed to get a few fans. I'm not new to fans as such. Without trying to sound big-headed, I have a steady fanbase for my fanfics, and at my writing peak two years ago I had hundreds (or maybe tens) of people pestering me for updates on a daily basis. Fans are lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely. But I never dreamed I would have people reading AND enjoying my blog. I mean, honestly, mostly it is just ramble, with plenty of insanity added to the mix. I knew I'd have a few friends read it, but that would be that. Or so I thought.

Taffing is Good.

Yes, Taffing is very good indeed, like, innit? It seems I have attracted a few more readers since I spouted rood words and Taffed about Kairdiff. I have no idea why this particular ramble interested so many people, but I've definitely noticed my view counter moving a lot faster since I Taffed. Now, to be fair, I'd hazard a guess that almost half of these views are from me. *shifty* I check in every time I'm at the PC. Mostly it's to edit, because every single post has about a gazillion typos, and each edit ups the view count. Then there's the times that I am doing anything at all rather than write *shifty once more*. I pop in, read a few of my older blogs (just to make sure that I am indeed as insane as I thought I was), and check out other blogs from my buddy list.

What was I saying before I digressed? Ah, yes. I'm bemused. I can't get my head around the fact that my blog is attracting readers. It's insane. All the blogs that I read (well, almost all) are informative and intelligent pieces of work, usually passing knowledge on to the reader. Quite obviously, mine is not at all like that. *snorts* Which is why I'm bemused.

And guilty. Yes, guilty. I mean, if people want to read my ramblings, who am I to say 'no'?  I can't let them down, it would go against the grain. As per normal, today's blog doesn't really have anything interesting to say, and most of it probably doesn't make sense, but hey, who cares? Hopefully it will have stopped Ana from DYING (note the use of caps lock), and will have helped LauLau (my fellow Lupin lover) forget about her nightmare week for a few minutes.

And now I don't have to feel guity for missing a day of blogging. That'll do for me.