*is spamming*

Well, I'm not really spamming, because if I were then I wouldn't be using my own blog, as spamming generally means bombarding someone with a load of links to other websites. Or if I were being stricter with the term, spam is usually what we call all those junk emails. But still, if I want to say I am spamming, then I will.

Somebody does keep spamming my blog page though. Not frequently, but often enough. Back last year I had somebody post a huge comment on the subject of, erm, people who saw what G Hove A did (don't want to type the real words in case I get ranted at again). Now, it wasn't as if I'd insulted Mr G Hove A, but apparently just typing the words activated some sort of automatic response. Anywho, I definitely won't be making that mistake again.

My most frequent spammer appears to be Chinese though. At least, the person leaves a comment in Chinese characters and has a Chinese name (also in Chinese characters). As far as I can tell, the actual characters aren't actual spamming for the most part, but there usually appears a series of '.........' at the end of each comment, and when you run the mouse over them you see several website links on the bottom of the computer screen. Most are illegible - you don't really know what they are - but sometimes you see a word and you just know it is something smutty.

The thing with spam, is that most of the time it is porn. Or if not porn, then something associated with sex. For example, around 90% of the junk mail that I get are usually emails that are asking me if I want to buy either Viagra (or something similar), or something magical that will enhance the size of my penis (which, lets be honest, would have to be magical, since the last time I checked, I don't have a penis.*snort*). The other 10% is usually about the latest watch on the market. (No, I don't get it, either).

Getting back to the porn thing though, I just really find it funny, and you'll need to bear with me here because what I find funny doesn't always correspond with what others find funny. *shifty* You see, to me 'spam' will always be a tin of what I loosely call meat (check out the selection they have below - it's porktastic! *snort*).Or, to be more specific, chopped ham and pork. Now, to understand why I think this is funny, you need to know that I always get 'pork' and 'porn' muddled up. Well, not always - I mean, I don't go to the butchers and ask for a bit of porn for my tea or anything (because if I did, I think I might scare the poor man) - but when I see either of these words written down (or on a computer screen), I always have to double check. I see 'pork' as 'porn', and 'porn' as 'pork'.

To make matters more confusing, around here a slang term for, ahem, sexual relations, is porking. As in, 'ooh, fancy coming back to mine for a good porking?' (Youknowzitmakezsense!)

Perhaps you can see my dilemma.....

Another thing that makes me laugh is that spam (the chopped ham and pork stuff) is universally reviled as far as I know. I mean, there are some people who actually like the stuff, but mostly we tend to avoid buying it if we can. There are people who are trying to make spam more popular (check out the official Spam website *snort*), but I think they're fighting a losing battle.  Spam is just something that makes people roll their eyes and snigger. Honestly, just saying the word makes me laugh (I told you I was weird).

I believe that spam first came into existence somewhere in the 1940's (but I could be wrong). It certainly became popular around about then at any rate. Spam was advertised as the must-have food product, mostly because it was cheap and plentiful during a time when all decent food was rationed. What strikes me as funny in today's world is that Spam is actually quite expensive now. I mean, to feed a family of four to six people, you would need a few tins, and honestly, you can get a fresh chicken for around the same amount of money (or less money, even, if you shop around).

Anyway, before I look for some spammy pictures, I can't stop typing without mentioning Spamalot - not least because it contains the word 'spam' (which is funny) and 'alot' (which is genius *nods*). Mostly I'm bringing it up though because it is Python related (as in Monty Python, not 'snake' python). and I love Monty Python (alot!). I could ramble extensively about my love of all things Pythonesque, but one, if you are already a fan I don't need to, and two, if you don't know who Monty Python are then I strongly suspect you wouldn't get any of the references. I'll just say that if you don't know who Monty Python are, then you need to do some research and watch as many of their movies as possible. And if you can find any of their TV sketches on Youtube, watch those as well. You'll probably die laughing, but what a way to go, eh?

I'll end it there I think. Nothing like finishing off with a Python or two. *winks* But before I go, I'm asking for a wee favour. My next blog post will be my 100th - ! - and I have no idea what to blog about. I'd like to make it memorable, so I'm open to suggestions. Unlike when I ask for requests, I'm not going to use the first suggestion that I see, but wait until I see one that makes me laugh out loud and think 'Yes! I SO have to do that one!'. So, I need a really good suggestion - no pressure or anything - that will ignite my imagination. So hop to it!

Mixed Mutterings

I'm on day six of my requests now, and today's going to be the trickiest one so far. I needed a request, so I posted a Facebook status asking for suggestions. I immediately got three, and, because the whole point of this request thingy is that I don't get to choose, I updated my status and started a poll. Whichever subject had the most votes would be blogged about today. Sounds fairly simple, yes? That's what I thought, at any rate. Only when I went to check on the progress, it appeared that the most votes went to an option that I hadn't even thought of - namely, blog about all three suggestions.

My three suggestions were jelly (or jello to my across-the-pond buddies), Monty Python, and insane friendships. As if that wasn't tricky enough, I also had votes for chocolate and coffee. So today's ramble is going to be even more rambling than it usually is, and that's something I thought wasn't possible. *snort*

So, where do I begin? I guess I'll go with chocolate first, seeing as that is something I have mostly given up in the last five months, and is something that almost everyone loves. Now you can get all kinds of chocolate - white, dark, milk, nutty, toffee etc - and you can spend as little or as much as you choose, depending whether you buy the corner shop bar or the box of Thornton's-I-Have-To-Many-Calories-For-You-To-Even-Contemplate-Deluxe-Extraordinaire. As with many things, I prefer the cheaper option. Offer me a couple of 15p Freddo bars (I'm still mourning the increase from 10p to 15p a couple of years ago), or a box of Thornton's, and I'd typically go for the Freddo bars. I think it's mostly because Freddo bars make me feel like a kid again (although they seem terribly small now compared to 25 years ago). Thinking about it, ALL chocolate bars seem tiny now. Okay, I'm a lot bigger than I was at six years of age, but I'm still pretty sure that Mars bars are about half the size they used to be....

Anyway, from chocolate to coffee, because that seems like a natural progression, yes? It might not seem that way to you, but it does to me. At least it seems the most suitable leap when compared to the other subjects. Actually, I'd thought of jelly being next, but I have an actual link to another topic for that one, so I'm saving it till later. I know you wanted to know that.

So, coffee. I enjoy a cup of frothy coffee as much as the next person (unless that person is allergic to caffeine, of course), but I'm not dependent on the stuff. I'll have a two or three cups a week, but I'm more of a tea girl. But when I do have coffee, my absolute favorite is a cappuccino - preferably with plenty of chocolate sprinkled over the top (Ha! See! That's how I leaped from chocolate to coffee! I'm not mad at all!) Of course, Starbucks is the best place to get said cappuccino, but the nearest Starbucks to me is a half hour bus ride away, so not really practical. I've tried the homemade ones, but they're just not the same. Plus you don't get to have them in a spiffy Starbucks mug ,unless you want to pay £10 for one (or 'borrow' one when it has accidentally fallen into the back of your daughter's buggy) *shifty*

But yeah, I can see the attraction of coffee, especially because it has the ability to make some people very hyper, with the added bonus of not having to drink alcohol to get that way. Then again, some people mix their alcohol with coffee, and then they turn absolutely bonkers.

Which leads me very nicely to Monty Python. (See! I do have a plan to get from one topic to another!)

I adore Monty Python, though I'm by no means an expert. Of course, I could probably say ten things off the top of my head if we were playing the word association game and the prompt was 'Monty Python', but I'm not so knowledgeable about them that I can quote entire scenes word for word.  What I do know, is that practically everyone on the planet has heard of them, and most people have a favorite quote. I'm actually torn, because I have favorite quotes from two of their best movies - Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Life of Brian. I love both movies, but I think Grail might just have the edge. Brian may possibly have my all-time favorite movie quote ever - "He's NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY naughty boy!" - but Grail is just a roller coaster of laughs from beginning to end. From the coconut-wielding party of 'questers', to the slightly dubious minstrel; from Castle Anthrax to the Knights of Ni; from shrubberies to the 'it's just a flesh wound' arm-less guard, it's pure hysteria for the entire duration. I haven't watched these movies for years, but talking about them now makes me want to watch them right now....

Of course, Monty Python were years ahead of their time, in my opinion, and their humor never seems to date. Some comedies lose their sparkle when watched a decade or two after they were first broadcast, but Monty Python's strain of alternative comedy is just as funny now as it ever was, and continues to draw new fans. I think a lot of it is due to the fact you can just tell this group had lots of fun while they worked. The rapport between the Pythons was as obvious as it was infectious; you simply couldn't watch them without at least giggling, though I'd wager that full-bellied laughs were (and are) the usual reaction.

The fondness and obvious connection between the Pythons brings me very nicely to the subject of insane friendships. Now, I'm not talking about your average friends here, I'm talking about the people that you'd never have thought would be in your life. I have good friends from different 'areas' of my life. I'm still friends with several of my school buddies, and we still see each other and reminisce fondly about old times, at the same time creating brand new memories to reminisce upon in the years to come.  I have friends who are ex-colleagues from various jobs, and when meet up we still have a blast. Then there are the friends that are actually family members, both from my side and my husband's. But I'm not talking about these friends, much as I love them. I'm talking about online friends.

It really is insane how we can click with people that we will probably never meet. I had the good fortune to meet up with several of my online friends almost two years ago, but until we all land that magical publishing contract, this is unlikely to happen again any time soon. My online buddies are spread worldwide - literally, so meeting up with them is mostly a pipe dream. Yet although we've only ever spoken to each other online, I'm about as close as I can get to them as I could be. My very first two friends I met online were Ana and Corvis (Corvis is a nickname, and although she now uses her real name, she will always be Cor to me). Ana and Corvis.... wow, I don't know how to explain our incredible friendship without rambling for at least 10,000 words, and I'm pretty sure nobody wants to read 10,000 words about people they've never heard of.

As briefly as I can, I'll try to explain:  Ana + Corvis + Tara = Evil Triplets. Evil Triplets love Lord of the Rings,  Harry Potter, and speaking in asterisks. Evil Triplets would quite happily spend all day role playing LotR and smacking the lames (the lames in question usually tend to be Harry, Hermione, Ron and Dumbledore from Harry Potter). Evil Triplets drink plenty of beer, vodka and rum as often as they can. Evil Triplets love 'borrowing' scripts from movies and putting their own (usually insane) spin on them. Evil Triplets share the bond of being unable to stick to one username on HPANA. And Evil Triplets all share the same dream; TTTing across New Zealand. That would be 'The Two Towers-ing across New Zealand', which translates to touring the fabulous landscape that formed the backdrop for the lovingly made Lord of the Rings movies.

Of course, with Ana hailing from Columbia, Cor from Chicago, and me from Wales, we're not real triplets (quite apart from being different ages), but I've never felt so connected to anyone as I do with these two. I remember Cor phoning me a couple of years ago - for the very first time - and we talked for around three hours. I don't think I've laughed so much in my entire life (though I think Cor almost died when she got her phone bill, partly from shock, and partly because her lame (er, not Harry et all, but her husband at the time) almost killed her. We just jelled (which I know should be 'gelled', but I need to get onto jelly. *winks*).  I really love all of my online friends - and I have a lot - but Ana and Cor are my soul sisters, most definitely.

Now, speaking of jelled *coughs*, how about that jelly? Lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly. There's a lot you can do with jelly. *nods wisely* Not only can you bribe your kids with it (be good and you can have some jelly for afters!), you can have food fights with them (nothing like flicking copious amounts of jelly across the room), you can make alcoholic shots with them (vodka jelly anyone?), and apparently you can put it on your hair if you're a synchronized swimmer (so Tami informs me. Tami also asked me how to get rid of said jelly after it clogs the drains too, but I really have no idea, sorry Tami!) And to add to all this, the lovely jubbly, wibbly wobbly jelly not only tastes good, but is so rubbery and pliable that it has almost limitless possibilities when it comes to non-eating activities *nudge nudge wink wink* ifyouknowwhatImean. Youknowzitmakezsense.

And on that note, I think it might be wise to stop. So I shall. Feel free to imagine all sorts of jelly-inspired non-eating activities, I know I will.

Next request?