Procrastinating Forevah

So yeah, procrastinating is still my thing (obviously). In fact, I've been procrastinating from posting on my procrastination blog (another obviously). The problem is, even when I do post on my procrastinating blog, it is only because I am doing so in order to procrastinate from doing other stuff.

Makes sense, right?

Also rambling. (See above paragraph). Still do that, too. (I really want to put 'obviously' in parenthesis again, but that would be repetitive).

So. Procrastinating and rambling. They really do go hand in hand. Ask me a question, and I will invariably go around the houses (as well as catch a bus, travel to the city centre, and pop to the cinema) before you get an answer (which will most likely not even be a straight answer, more like a bendy one).

Hmm. Parenthesis are clearly also a 'thing' with me (as is placing words inside inverted commas). Apparently I have lots of 'things'. Sadly, one of them is not sticking to regular blog updates.

Anywho, life is not much changed for me. I still work in the same place, I still wonder how I will stretch my wages to last a month, and I still have vague plans to get back to writing 'properly' again. So why have I decided to randomly blog today? Well... I think it's mostly because I have encouraged my daughter to blog as a distraction for her (she suffers poor mental health). And I would be a poor example to her if I said 'do as I said' rather than 'do as I do'. 

So I do. Or I did. Or... well, you know what I mean. Will try to add a quick post weekly, though I will not formally commit, as that really doesn't mean anything to a procrastinating rambler like myself.

In the meantime, here is a picture of myself with my daughter taken from last year (I am the hobbit, she is the gorgeous one), and a picture of my youngest boy (because he is clearly so adorable that he needs no excuse to have his picture shared).

Man, I really need to get a grip on my parenthesis thingy...

Long time, No see...

Dear blogosphere, it has been over three years since my last confession blog, and really, there's not a lot I can say about that except, well.. I am the Princess of Procrastination.

Long story short(ish), life happened. And when I say 'life', I quite literally mean it. 'Life' is currently two years and three months old, and is as mischievous as toddlers can be. Master Oliver Harry Smith was a late addition to my family, and is a thoroughly spoiled little man, but we loves him, precious, yes we do.

Sadly, babies/toddlers + full-time job + procrastination tendencies = no blogging from yours truly. Though it has to be said, I wasn't much for keeping faithfully up to date on here anyway. *shifty*

It's been a funny few years; not only did I have a new kiddie winkle, but just prior to that little surprise I became immersed in fanfiction writing for several months (so I can honestly say that I did actually do some writing, even if it wasn't for a 'real' book, or posts for this neglected blog). I actually wrote a 50k fanfiction in six weeks. As in, a finished 50k fanfiction. Go me! And several shorter length stories and drabbles too. This, I should point out, is more a testament to my obsessive nature when it comes to nerdy fandoms, than to any new found non-procrastinating habits. Maybe one day I can apply my OCD geekyness to writing another novel.

On the subject of geeks, I also geeked out majorly over the phenomenon that is Game of Thrones (several nerdgasms were had, I kid you not).But I'm pretty sure I'm not alone there. I would say that I should make a new tag for GoT, but let's be honest here, no-one is holding their breath for more Princessy blog posts (least of all me... I know myself too well).

So this is just a 'hello' post, really. And probably a 'is anyone going to actually read this' post. And also a 'blimey, I remembered my login details AND how to compose a post' post.

I'm hoping to leave you with a picture of my Ollie-Pop as an end to this , but in all fairness, this could turn into an 'oops, I forgot how to add a picture to my blog post' post. We shall see...

Blimey, I think it worked" *faints*

Jumping

J is for Jumping

I'm not much of an exercise freak

I'm more likely to play hide and seek

I suffer a lack

Of Jumping a Jack

So sadly, my joints tend to creak... 

Nope, that's definitely not me... Original image.

Just made it again!! Pesky late night shifts... *mutters*

Tara vs Tara vs Tara

Original image

 I'm a self-confessed ditherer. I keep doing OTHER stuff - not even important stuff - rather than work on my next book. Now that I actually HAVE important(ish) stuff to do (like get as many of the 56 blog posts ready for the April A-Z - I signed up BOTH blogs... I keep having to remind myself about that. *shifty*) I have decided that now is the time I should work on the next book. *rolls eyes* Ah well, at least I managed the first week of posts for both blogs before I got sidetracked (though half of those were already done, in all fairness, so it's not such a great feat).

See, I had an idea pop in my head for the opening scene, and once it was there, it had to get out. This is not the first time this has happened, and I know from experience that if I don't get it written right away, it will poke and pester at me and drive me nuts.

This time, though, I am determined to keep going. In the last... year?... I have started the next book three times (not including this time), with varying degrees of success when it came to continuing with it. One draft was under five thousand words, little more than a chapter or two. The longest was over 25k, but I ran out of steam.

Now, a normal person would have backed these files up and revisited them, and I did. At least, for a while, at any rate. But during one of my (thankfully) infrequent dips into The Pit (I suffer with episodic depression), I went on a purging spree and deleted virtually everything from my laptop. Regretted it the following day, obviously, but when my Inner It comes for a visit, she's mouthy, pushy, and pretty hard to stand up to.

Anyway, as I said above, I have started the follow up to If the Shoe Fits, and this time I will email any and all progress to my sister for safe keeping. Just in case I have that Purge Urge again.

I'm also currently having numerous conversations with my multiple personalities about the title of my next book. The conversations are sort of like this:

Serious Brain Tara: It needs to have a beast in there somewhere. But not a beauty reference. Don't want it to be too bluergh. I want something snappy.

Serious Brain Tara #2:  Yes. How about what your friend suggested? To Beast Or Not To Beast?

Serious Brain Tara: Well, I like that, but I worry that potential readers might think it will be similar to a Shakespearean story, and really, I think the talking cat might shock them.

Serious Brain Tara #2: I see your point. What about Truly, Madly, Beastly?

Serious Brain Tara: Hmmm. Not loving it, but it's a start.

Serious Brain Tara #2: What about words that rhyme with beast?

Serious Brain Tara: Yes, that's a good idea! Feast! There's one! We could play with quotes that have feast in them!

Serious Brain Tara #2: A Beast for the Eyes, maybe?

Serious Brain Tara: Not enamoured, I have to admit. What other words rhyme with beast, anyway?

Silly Brain Tara: Yeast!

Serious Brain Tara & Serious Brain Tara #2: *blank stare*

Silly Brain Tara: I got it!! Beast Infection!!!!

*dies* Sometimes, I scare myself, I really do...

See you Monday, for the first April A-Z post!

Summoning Some Silliness

So... I think I need to familiarise myself with my blog again, because, sadly, its been a long time since I've been here. I did a post before about how time seems to be stuck on fast forward the older you get, and LORDY, that was bang on. Where the heck does the time go? Christmas is a month away. A month. And I haven't blogged nearly as much as I wanted to this year.

I seem to have backed myself up against a wall though. Without intending to, this blog has tended to fall in the Nutty Category. Of course, by nature I am a bit of a loon, so this is not a complete surprise, but still... it can be a little daunting knowing that the majority of my followers (if indeed they are still around because I am a bad, bad, procrastinator) usually expect The Crazies when they read my posts. And sometimes, you know, The Crazies won't oblige me. It seems to me, in fact, that when I want a visit from The Crazies, they decide to stay away. This might be considered as helpful for many people, but for Yours Truly, it isn't really conductive to writing something in the Nutty Category.

The thing is, I rarely attempt to write anything amusing, but somehow that's usually how it ends up. When I don't think about it, the words flow through my fingers almost faster than I can type them. My funniest stories/blog posts were written at such a fast pace that it felt as if they wrote themselves. When I went back to read them before posting them, it was like reading something that somebody else wrote. That zone, that lovely state of writing without thinking about it, is a place I really want to establish again.

I've attempted to get back to this zone several times. When I ask for requests, the prompts usually force my brain into thinking of something, and then I tend to try using a slight twist on the request and see where The Crazies take me. This year has been a bit of a doozy for me, though. I've had a few health problems that have definitely set me behind on my goal to be Prolific Writer Of The Year.

It's quite possible that I can put my lack of motivation and general forgetfulness down to my usual procrastinating nature, but in reality these problems have been escalated due to the attack of shingles that I had back in April. While I  have recovered from this, the residual tiredness has not gone away. I am exhausted. Quite literally. I'm still taking a nap every day, seven months after the inital attack. Things that I plan to do are either forgotten about, or pushed to one side because I just don't have the energy to do them.

Thankfully I've still managed to work on my writing projects. Not as much as I would have liked, but enough to say that they are 'works in progress' without feeling that I am lying about it. My fantasy is slowly coming along, and as I've always known this project would take a long time to come together, I don't let it worry me that the word count isn't climbing too swiftly. My Cardiff Fairytales series is also coming along quite nicely. While I anxiously wait out the final few weeks in the sixteen week submission process for the first book, the second story is past the half way mark, and ideas for book three have been dutifully noted.

While I am happy that I'm managing to to mostly keep up with my writing projects, I'm a little sad that I've negelected this blog. I've had so much fun on here in the last couple of years, and I miss it.

So I'm sending out a plea to The Crazies... please come back!!

Image borrowed from here.

10 Things...

Tami's asked for a list of distractions that are responsible for me not doing what I should be doing -namely writing (or editing, you decide) - for her third request, and it is probably the easiest of my blogging challenges so far.  Look no further for...

10 Things That Are Very, Very Bad For Procrastinating Princesses

1 - The Television.

I'm not a huge watcher of television, but I do have my obsessions. I'm a nut for American stuff, from Supernatural to Fringe, from House to Eureka (and a lot of stuff in between). Luckily they don't all schedule at the same time of the year, but there are usually three or four serials that I watch weekly. Not a huge distraction by all means, but a distraction nonetheless. I'm also a nut for the X Factor (American Idol is the equivalent across the pond), and as we are currently in prime X Factor season, I am fearing multiple distractions for the next two months, though thankfully it only applies for a couple of hours at the weekend, so it is workable.

2 - My Job.

I only work sixteen hours a week (barring overtime), but they are all early shifts, so tiredness is a major bane of my life. Unplanned (but totally required) naps eat up several hours a week that could be otherwise more usefully occupied.

3 - Kids.

My son doesn't take a huge amount of my time up as such, but quite a large chunk of my time is swallowed up with pointless arguments and the stress that comes with having a teenager under your roof. My daughter, although not quite nine, takes up even more time with her constant demands for attention, and her inability to understand that she is not the centre of everyones' universe.

4 - Confidence (or lack of it).

Sometimes I think to myself that what I have written is the pantsiest thing ever, and I wonder if editing it is really worth my while. Moods like this are not conductive to getting things done at all. Which leads me to...

5 - Mood Swings.

Yup, I get them a lot. My episodic depression is mostly under control now, but I still get days here and there when all I want to do is sleep, cry, or clean like a mad woman. I have no control over this and just have to go with the flow. Thankfully these days are getting more sporadic, and when I do get them, they only last a day or two at a time.

6 - Facebook.

This is a biggie. I check in several times a day just to be nosy more than anything, but if that was the only thing that distracted me, I wouldn't be worried. It's those silly games, they're a nightmare for people with an addictive nature (like me, for example). I'm talking about Bejeweled Blitz mostly, though the recent discovery of Vegas Nights (very similar to Blitz, but with the added bonus of tournaments) is proving to be as much of an obsession as those shiny gems ever were.

7 - Other Online Duties.

I moderate on the fan fiction forum over at HPANA, and though the site is pretty quiet now that the Harry Potter books are finished, there's still stuff to keep me occupied. We're currently holding our annual fanfic awards, and while I don't really have much to do at present, there will be votes to tally and posts to compose for the results. All new forum posts by members need to be skimmed on a daily basis too to make sure the rules are being followed and nobody needs spanking (or editing, as the case may be).

8 - Reading.

I read every day, and seriously don't see a time when I won't. This is a good thing mostly, but if I really get sucked in to a story, I won't put the book down until I am done. It's a nice habit, no question, but when the Reading Bug attacks me, it's not good for my Writing Mojo at all.

9 - Cleaning.

I'm by no means a clean freak, but one of my coping strategies for my recent descent into madness was housework. Dusting, polishing, vacuuming, cleaning the oven, scrubbing the bathroom.... you name it, I did it. Mostly to eat up the time (which seems to drag terribly when you are feeling down), but also because housework is incredibly mind-numbing, and therefore essential when you want to have a couple of blissful, thought-free hours

10 - Wikipedia.

I use Wiki a lot, mostly because I'm pretty clueless about a ton of stuff and often have to look things up. The problem with Wiki is that they have these lovely, lovely hyperlinks which can take you to magical places where you can find out even more (usually pointless) information. Seriously, it's like that seven degrees of separation thingy. You type in something along the lines of , ooh, I don't know, lets say Jensen Ackles for the sake of argument (*shifty*), and suddenly you are clicking on the link that takes you to the page for one of his movies. Then you come across another actor who interests you, and so you click on his shiny link too. Before you know it, you've clicked about twenty hyperlinks, and three hours later you find yourself wondering why you are reading about soap powder (or something else equally as random).

So there we have it. Ten distractions that usually make me fall off the Writing Wagon. And believe me, that's just the tip of the iceberg....

*is doomed*

That Was The Year That Was....

Today is the last day of my thirty-third year, and what a year it has been! I think that the last year has probably had the most life-changing events for me personally than any other in the past (barring the birth of my children, that is). There has been  a fair few ups and downs this past year, and most of them have contributed to the person that I am now on this, the eve of my thirty-fourth birthday. Sure, events from every year of our lives shape the people that we are today - experiences alter our view of things, mistakes help us to learn to do better, and successes help drive us forward - but it sometimes happens that some years are almost non-eventful, while others have a spate of occurrences that somehow wake you up from the Plodding Through Life slumber.  My thirty-third year definitely falls into the latter category.

July 2009

My birthday falls on the 24th, so technically I can't include all of July in my recap of the last year, but the last week of July in 2009 can definitely be mentioned. I remember waking up in a mixed mood. I was feeling a bit down because my husband was starting his annual two weeks of working away from home that day, so I only got to see him for an hour or so - not the best start to my birthday. But then I logged into Facebook and was bombarded with lots and lots of lovely birthday messages, which cheered me up no end. I saw my husband off and spent the day opening cards and gifts, then finished it with a few friends sharing a celebratory drink with me. Lovely!

August 2009

August can best be described as a blur of madness. Most days were spent trying to entertain my kids in the limbo that is The Summer Holidays. *cringes* All would be well and good if we actually had decent weather and plentiful funds, but when most of the days are rainy and miserable, and finances are tight, entertaining two highly active children for almost seven weeks is exhausting. Yup, August was a bit of a blur.

September 2009

Back to school joy-ness! Soon to be followed by back to school annoy-ness. *snort* Schools tend to hit you with purse-emptying events in the first month of the academic year. As if being skintified by the Buying School Uniform Gloominess wasn't enough, we are bombarded by school photos, school trips and 'fund raising' events in the very first few weeks of term. Still, at least we don't have to worry about entertaining the kids so much now, eh?

October 2009

I started blogging! The first big 'up' of the last year.*grins* I never thought I would ever start blogging - it's not really something that a procrastinator does because blogging generally means commitment. I did really well in my first month, and blogged every day. I made a few new friends, had a ball writing the daily blogs, and discovered that my personal brand of craziness was mostly accepted by the blogging community. Awesome!

November 2009

I wrote a novel! Seriously, I did! *faints* NaNoWriMo sucked me in for the first time ever, and not only did I finish my 50,000 word novel, I also blogged every day too (well, I missed one day, but I don't hold it against myself *winks*). I introduced requests to my blog this month too, and also let loose on the general public the loony-ness that is Taff. Best month ever, November. *nods*

December 2009

December passed swiftly, what with the Christmas build-up and the general busy-ness that it brings, and the extra excitement added from the daughter because her birthday falls so close to the festive season. Mostly a good month, but with some underlying tension which was a prelude to what was to come....

January through March 2010

Dire, very dire. New Year's day brought with it a change in my personal circumstances, and this change led to a very big dip in my well-being. I've always been prone to periods of depression throughout my adult life, but usually I pulled out of them all by myself. This time it took my GP to pull me back from the abyss. After several attempts, my doctor finally found the right medication for me, but it wasn't until the end of March that I started to feel more like myself. Although the first quarter of 2010 were the worst months of my life, they actually caused me to take a step back and reconsider a lot of things. I finally lost the bulk of the weight that had literally been bogging me down for the last seven years. Okay, the first twenty pounds fell off me with no effort at all - not eating or sleeping properly for a month will do that for you - but the next twenty pounds came away through sheer doggedness and refusal to slip back into bad habits. Coupled with the new determination to look my best was a change of attitude in general. After too many years of plodding along through life, I finally took charge and allowed myself to be heard. I let myself speak up for the things that I wanted, and for the first time in a long time I didn't always put everyone else first. I'll never say that I am grateful for the circumstances that started this chain of events, but I can honestly say that I would probably still be stuck in a rut if they hadn't have happened. It's funny how the worst things in life sometimes lead to the best things. Maybe there is a God up there after all, and maybe He does work in mysterious ways.

April/May 2010

I really started to get back to my usual self around about here, which could be taken two ways. For the good, I no longer turned into a cry-baby on a regular basis, so the episodic depression was thankfully under control. Unfortunately, the return of my normal self brought with it the return of the Procrastination Princess, so while it was nice to be in control of my feelings, the downside was knowing that my bad habits were slowly but surely creeping back into my life. But do you know what? Despite the fact that procrastination isn't really something to be proud of, I actually like being like this. I think if I became this organised person who did everything properly and kept to deadlines and what-not, I wouldn't be me. And for the first time ever, I am happy with who I am, procrastinator or not.

June 2010

The epic fail of BuNoWriMo should really have put me back into the Pit Of Doom, but thanks to the new-found acceptance of myself, I wasn't bothered that I didn't manage to complete my second WriMo. Oh, I felt disappointment in myself, sure, but it wasn't the kind of disappointment that sucked me into LaLa-Land and made me want to crawl into a corner and hide. I was able to shrug off the failure and see it for what it was - a blip in the general plan, but not something that would affect the rest of my life. I also started back at my old job this month, which in spite of the impact it will have on my writing, is actually a good thing. Getting out of the house for a few hours every week is actually fantastic for getting you out of a rut, and although I was feeling better in a lot of ways, I was still stuck in the Waste Time Just Because I Can zone. Now that my days are structured according to whether I am working or not, I have to fit things in as and when I can. Gone is the There's Always Tomorrow attitude, and it has been replaced with the Acckkk!! I Have To Do It Now Or Else It Will Never Be Done attitude. So despite having to get up at stupid o'clock three days a week, and having to deal with snarky customers and figures that don't always balance, going back to work was a good thing.

July 2010

Arriving back at my birthday again, in summary I would say that although the badness of last year probably outweighed the goodness, I am still in a much better place than I was on the eve of my thirty-third birthday. I'm healthier (dropping 40lbs was the best thing ever), I'm happier, both with myself and with my life in general, I've written a freaking novel - ! - and although far from being Blogger of the Year, I have mostly stuck with it and not delegated this blog to the Abandoned Projects pile (which is precariously teetering on the brink of collapsing owing to the size of it).

So that was the year that was.

A New Start

The start of a new month, the start of the second (and better) half of the year, the start of the summer proper, and the start of a new project. Not to mention that I'm writing an entry for Rowan Coleman's Short Story Competition, which, funnily enough, has the theme of - you guessed it - 'a new start'. That's a fair few new starts for the month of July, is it not?

I really like July. *sighs happily* It's my birth month, so while I hate getting older (which, by the way, seems to accelerate as the years go by), it's still nice because my birthday is the one day of the year where I get to be treated. This year it's even better because it will fall on a Saturday, and somehow birthdays are always nice if they coincide with the weekend, yes?

Anyway, I wanted to blog on the first of July mainly because my writer's group is currently in the final stages of setting up our blog. We go live on the 5th, and as one of the contributors I have the dubious honor of having THIS blog on the blogroll. Now, as we are aiming to be entertaining, helpful and professional, I figured I didn't want my most recent blog title 'advertising' me. Somehow I don't think *is a failure* quite gets across an image I'm happy with.

Anyway, the new blog is really exciting for me personally because I get to work on a permanent project with my writer's group (The Burrow, for those of you who aren't experiencing Deja Vu). We work on projects several times a year, but this time it will be something that will be ongoing, so I get to enjoy the whole 'group working' thing on a regular basis. It will also hopefully open up a wider network for The Burrow as a whole. We've been 'together' for several years now, and have gone from a small forum thread to bigger and better things. We have a fabulous website which showcases our work (those projects I mentioned before), and are well on the way to becoming the authors we all aspire to be. We've gone from writing fan fiction, to displaying drabbles to images in an art gallery, to debut novels, and although it's been a long road and we're mostly all still travelling, one of us has secured a publishing deal (the fabulous Tami, of Confessions of a Watery Tart). 2010 is looking to be our best year yet, obviously!

Another new start for me this month is that I am back in the land of employment again. I returned to my previous job last week, and although it's only three days a week mostly (except when there's overtime, which already I am doing *rolls eyes*), it's going to suck a whole lot of time up. All my shifts start at 6am, which means I have to be up at 4:30am. *dies*. One of those days is a Sunday, too, which is already my worst day of the week.  Of course, this means that I have to go to bed earlier the night before each shift (which cuts writing time). I also end up going to bed earlier on the actual day of the shift too, which means that five nights a week I am losing at least two hours of writing time. As I tend to write the best during the late evening, this is a major loss.

On the other hand, because I do NOT want to spend the next x amount of years counting newspapers and cashing up tills, it is incredible incentive for me to crack on with the serious job of editing Cardiffella. I remember thinking two years ago (which was when I resigned) that I couldn't wait to be unemployed so that I could concentrate on my writing. Of course, being the Princess of Procrastination meant that the actual writing didn't really happen. Sure, I have written over the last two years, but it's definitely been far from the daily habit that I initially hoped for. I have dithered away a good few months, procrastinated for a couple more, avoided almost completely for three months or so, and wasted time on Facebook and what-not for another few months. Less than half of the last two years (heck, probably only as little as three months or so, let's be brutally honest here) has been used for the writing that I was so intent on accomplishing.

Life gets in the way of course, so I'm not going to take responsibility for stuff that's been out of my control, but even if I ignore the last six months, that's still eighteen months that could have been used much better. The funny thing is, I'm actually a little bit glad to be working again, despite the sucky hours. For some strange reason I seem to work better when I don't have too much time on my hands. I think the thought of being 'free' from employment went to my head, and instead of doing what I should have done, I ended up doing anything and everything else, just because I could.

So....  that's a new month, a story about a new start, a new blog, a new life routine, and a new incentive to get my novel ready for submission. Lots of 'news'. Or lots of news, whichever way you want to look at it.

Keep an eye out for the new blog next week. I'm sure myself and my fellow Burrowers will all share the link not only on our blogs, but on our Facebook profiles too. We've all shared details of our writer's group on our individual blogs before, so it will be lovely to have you visit an off-shoot of The Burrow where several of us will contribute. Maybe you'll get to know us a little better, and hopefully we'll help and inspire as well as entertain.

Happy July 1st everyone!

*is a failure*

Yup, a great big fat failure, that's me. Now don't panic, I'm not about to depress everyone with tales of woe, I'm actually talking about a specific failure, not failure in general. In actual fact, despite personal blips here and there, I feel pretty good on the whole, and not a failure at all, so perhaps I shouldn't really call today's blog *is a failure* because that might be a tad misleading....

Anywho, when I say a specific failure (which I'm quite sure I did somewhere in the above rambling paragraph), I'm talking about BuNoWriMo. You see, I was supposed to have written a 50,000 word novel in the month of June, but it's the 26th and I still haven't passed 10k. Tomorrow is a no-no for writing, it being a Sunday anallat (cooking, cleaning, general Sunday busy-ness etc), which leaves only three days of the month left in which I would have to write just over 40k words. Im. Poss. I. Ble. Thus *is a failure*

I don't quite know how and where I went wrong. Or perhaps I do, I just don't know why. Now, being a procrastinator of the highest order would usually mean that there should be no surprise that I have failed the challenge. I'm an 'avoider' by nature, and constantly put things off until the last possible moment. Why I do this, I don't know, but there we are. I know that I shouldn't do it, but can't seem to help myself. It's like when you are dieting and there is a cream cake in the bakers which appears to be glowing at you and labelled with a flashing arrow accompanied with a sign saying 'Eat Me, You Know You Want To.'

Anyway, like the glorious cream cake that beckons, I can't seem to resist procrastinating. Sometimes I shock myself and keep control over my avoiding tendencies - last year's NaNoWriMo is a perfect (and probably unique) example of this - but mostly I find myself slipping back into those horrible habits. These include copious amounts of cleaning (both horrible because it stops me from writing, and because cleaning is not exactly the nicest of jobs in the world), scandalous amounts of games of Bejeweled Blitz, reading fluff (which is a fairly new habit, but one which serves two purposes - one, it keeps me from writing *coughs*, and two, I can pretend that one day Mr Darcy will sweep me off my feet and pay homage to my boobage), and even more cleaning. I have no idea why I clean so much, because I absolutely loathe housework, but I still find myself endlessly polishing, sweeping, mopping and vacuuming on a daily basis.

The strange thing is, I was absolutely determined to write my novel this month, and was far more prepared than I was for NaNoWriMo. I wasn't at all concerned about the challenge. After all, I'd done it before, so I could do it again, right? Not to mention that this time around I had a core base of both characters and setting, and even a rough plot already worked out in my head. I should have breezed through it.

Rather than get all down in the mouth about it, I am going to shrug my shoulders and accept the fact that even the Best Laid Plans Sometimes Go Awry. *winks at Tami* There's no point beating myself up about it, and I still have almost ten thousand words written  and saved on my computer. That's pretty good when you consider that I haven't had the best of years so far, and is in actual fact the only real writing that I have done so far in 2010.

So maybe I shouldn't name today's ramble *is a failure*, even though technically I have failed BuNoWriMo. I prefer to see it as a step in the right direction, and as my friend often says (another nod to Tami), baby steps, baby steps.... or just keep swimming.

Though maybe I'll leave it at baby steps. Being a scaredy cat when it comes to water, I can't actually swim. *snort*

Leaving things half-finis...

No, there isn't a typo in the title of today's blog, it was an attempt at humour. I know you may not believe this, because a)I am a Typo Queen and b), well, it's not really funny. But it's the truth, so help me Aragorn (that wasn't a typo either, though to be fair it would be pretty difficult to to have 'Aragorn' as a typo for 'God'. Having said that, if you have Aragorn on the mind, anything is possible, so maybe it could have been a typo after all). Hmm.

Anyway,  what I wanted to talk about was my very bad habit of leaving things half-finished. This, I should also tell you, goes hand in hand with leaving things to the last minute. And also hand in hand (you may have to swap hands to achieve required handiness, or borrow a friend's extremities, you decide), with the tendency to dither, waste time, and generally procrastinate.

On Leaving Things half-finished....

These things could be anything, though then usually tend to be writing projects. *shifty* I have - wonder of wonders- actually completed no less than three longer length fan fictions. Now, three is quite a nice number, but when you consider that I have been writing fanfic for over four years now, three isn't an awful lot (and in fact, the very first fiction that I ever wrote and completed was short enough to be definitely dicey on the classification of 'longer fanfic').

To put it into perspective, I currently have two 'ongoing' (and I use that term loosely) fanfictions. One was started in November of 2007 and was supposed to have been finished within two to three months. *pulls familiar shifty face* The other, probably my personal favorite in terms of writing for it, was started way back in March of 2006 (you all know how shifty I am looking now, right?). The first fic should have been finished at least a year ago. I stipulated two to three months because I thought it would be fairly short, but I ended up writing more scenes that I initially intended, so the plot became too much for a shorter length fic. Still, two years later, I am only half way through....

My second fic, though, was always meant to be longer. Having a extremely soft spot for Remus Lupin (of Harry Potter fame), I decided to write his life story based on the little canon that we knew about him. I have him at nine years old at the start, and the plan was (still is, in fact) to take him right the way up until his death.  The really good thing with this story is that I get to be evil. *nods* Remus Lupin is definitely a victim, and not only because if his Furry Little Problem (er, for the few of you who haven't read these books, our Remmy is a werewolf, bless him *hugs Remmy*). The poor soul is also without parents, not to mention virtually friendless, and without any means to support himself in a world that categorically hates werewolves (poor thing, I mean honestly, it's not like werewolves are dangerous, is it? )

Still, even though I intended the story to be long-lasting, we are now three and a half years later, and Remus is still only 14. *does the shifty foot shuffle* It's also a mark of how long I have been writing this fic that the banner actually has my original HPANA username on there (complete with obligatory typo), when I actually changed my username over two years ago. *snorts*

And then there are the three fictions that I abandoned completely.  My bad. Very bad. It's an absolute pain in the arse when you get involved in a story only to have the author give up on it half way through. I KNOW this, yet I have still committed this cardinal sin.

The thing is, it's not that I actively choose to abandon these stories, and it's not that I don't want to finish them, because I do, very much so. Obviously I am to blame, because I can't exactly blame it on someone else, but sometimes it really isn't my fault, I swear. Scout's Honour (okay, I'm not, nor ever have been, a scout, but you know what I mean). A good 50% of the blame can actually be apportioned to things that are out of my control. Lack of computer (this is the biggie), lack of time (some months more than others), and lack of ideas (you can't force a muse to appear, even with bribery, I tried) all contribute to the lack of writing. I could even add stress and depression to this, because I am a very up and down person who can experience quite scary mood-swings on a regular basis. The highs are very good, because they make me a little hyper, thus more inclined to write, but the lows are not at all conductive to story-telling.

On the other hand, there is also 50% worth of blame that still needs to be dished out, and I can't deny that this half of the problem is all down to me. You would be amazed at the amount of things I could find to do that would mean I could accidentally-forget-on-purpose that I am supposed to be writing. I've even been known to get the iron and ironing board out in order to put off that update that should have been written several days ago. *needs to have the word 'shifty' tattooed across my forehead).

I suppose that technically, it really isn't my fault as such. It's always been in my nature to dither and put things off, and it's a very hard habit to break. I have small breakthroughs now and again (NaNoWriMo was the biggest breakthrough EVER), but they are few and far between.  I'm trying to do better though.

Only, I've sort of noticed that this month is not going so well. I've not written anything at all in the last week, and I haven't managed to keep up with my blog.  Still, this is mostly because December is such a mad, mad month, and also because the hubby is currently off work so my computer time is severely hampered. I'm not too worried about it in actual fact. My fingers may be idle, but my brain is whizzing with activity, and I have managed to jot down plot ideas for the next two books in my proposed Fairy Tales series.  (Note that once again, my original 'original', Soul Identitiy, is on the back burner. One year I may actually write the darn thing, but seeing as at the moment my brain can only conjure chick-litty stuff, I'm letting that one stay in the dusty attic which is situated in the top left-hand corner of my brain for the time being).

Oh, and I forgot! I haven't 'not written anything at all' this month after all! I churned out two Christmas drabbles the other day. *grins* There, that's not so bad, is it?