Rant Against A Romance Basher

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I woke up this morning feeling a few things; glad that I had a day off, looking forward to having a day of Nothing-To-Do-For-A-Change, and general thankfulness that I could go back to sleep if I should want to. I made a cuppa and saw my kids off to school for the day, and then made another cuppa to go with my morning scrawl through my Facebook newsfeed (oh what an exciting life I lead, huh?).

Then I came across a link that one of my Facebook friends shared, and started cussing. The link was to a blog post, and the more I read, the more I cussed. Then I got to reading the replies, and cussing doesn't even begin to describe what was going on inside my head.

I guess I should share the link here, though it goes against the grain to give this guy any more readership. I just don't think I can repeat what he said without cussing all over the place. There's nothing wrong with cussing - in fact, regular readers of this blog know that I enjoy cussing in my Taffish fashion quite often - but I don't really want half of the post to be excessive profanity.

Anyway, before I go further, you should probably READ THIS. I promise it won't take more than two minutes tops. Great, now that I've added the link, I can remove it from my bookmarks. *shudders*

Now, I don't want to get too personal, because that might mean that I end up insulting this nitwit. I don't even want to argue any of his useless and pathetic points. Honestly, I don't have a problem with the base of his post. The guy doesn't like the romance genre, and that's fair enough. It's just the way he did it. He insulted hundreds of readers and writers of romance in a few short paragraphs.

I might not have been so wound up about this if I had just read his post (insulting enough though that was, it was his opinion, and everyone is entitled to an opinion), but then I had the misfortune to read the comments, and Oh My Lordy. I take back my nitwit comment. That is far too kind a descriptions for this guy, and an insult to nitwits in general. Most nitwits have redeeming qualities. I - for example - am a complete nitwit, but I know how to laugh at myself and take no insult when somebody calls me one. I'd hazard a guess that if this guy ever read this post, he would sneer in a superior manner and post a stream of what he assumes to be blistering set-downs (though that would be pointless, because I would just laugh).

Anywho, I digress...

According to this guy, because I read romance, I am a woman still stuck in her teenage years who has no right to be bothering with romance when I am grown up and should know better. Now, I'm not directly quoting here, but that's the gist. Also, even if I manage to get published, it won't matter because romance will never be considered 'good writing'; when compared to other genres, so being published won't mean that my work is considered 'good'. Blimey, if I'd have known that, I wouldn't have wasted my time writing the darn thing. Thanks for the tip.

Furthermore, if a book is termed romance, then it is, apparently by default, 'bad' or 'tacky'. Because apparently, it would be called a classic love story otherwise. Apparently.

Um, right. Apparently this guys a complete tit, though I don't mean anything personal by it, because that would mean I was insulting the person, and not the post. So far I have called this guy a nitwit, but then I took it back. Anything else I said was only implied, therefore not really an insult. And by using the word 'apparantly',  the 'complete tit' reference was only a suggestion, not really an insult at all. Actually, this guy might like being called a 'tit', now that I think about it (implied or otherwise). His level of maturity hasn't quite passed that Thirteen-And-Can't-Help-Giggling-Whenever-I-See-Naked-Boobs phase. And frankly, he should have passed that by now as he is grown up and should know better.

*DING!!*

Ooh, was that a hit?

Wow, I've lost my train of thought now and have forgotten what I wanted to say. Must be because I am a woman, and therefore illiterate, and obviously not well-adjusted.

I think I'd better stop now, or I'll end up bitching about this all day. One last thing though, this blogger (was so tempted to use another word there) describes himself as 'I'm a sexy, single, white male with a really big, uh, wallet. (It's where I keep all my I.O.U.s). I also write a bit.'.

Dude, take a tip from me. Any woman reading your post today will never consider you sexy. And your implied reference of having a big 'wallet' really only tells us that you are over-compensating your lack of wallet-ness (not to mention your lack of tact, wit, and probably brains too). As to writing 'a bit', I sincerely hope it stays that way. Because if I ever have to read 'a lot' of your verbal vomit, I would probably choke.

*is somewhere else*

I haven't been around much (again), but I haven't been comepletely procrastinating. Well, maybe just a little bit, but not overly so. I blogged over at my writer's group just over a week ago, for example. And in between getting sucked into everything from family life, to bingo on Facebook, I managed to set aside yesterday afternoon to go through my manuscript in order to submit it today for this year's ABNA.

Yes, perhaps yesterday was cutting it a bit fine, but this is me, and I always leave things until the last minute. *shifty*

Anyway, I don't have a blog post for you today. Well, not here at any rate. But I blogged over at Cardiffella, so I'm popping by with a link to today's post if anyone fancies reading a ramble.

And now I'm off 'somewhere else' again... so toodle-loo!

Princess Poll

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A quick one today! I've been trying to think of what I'll use officially as my 'author' name, and you know what? It's not as easy as it seems. Sure, I could go for sticking with my real name, but would that be authorish enough? One of my writer friends mixed up her maiden and married names and it came out perfect, sounding just right for her author name, but mine doesn't work out quite so well.

I have a few options - my real name is Tara Marie Smith, while my maiden name was Jeffery. My mother's maiden name - Hughes- is quite authorish sounding, too. And I like the idea of using 'Amber' in there, in memory of my daughter.

There are several ways to make up a name; I could use the full names, or just the initials. And I could take my pick from the surnames. I just can't quite decide on anything. Nothing is hitting me as 'perfect'.

I was mostly decided on 'Tara M Smith', but then a friend came up with 'Amber T Smith', which threw a spanner in the works as it made me think 'ooh!'.

I've asked a poll question on my facebook page using the above two options, but any and all opinions would be most welcome!

So, what say you? If my chick-litty story ever ends up in book form, who will have written it?

Well, Hello Stranger!

Seeing as it's been almost three months since I last blogged, I think we can safely assume that I'm still a Procrastination Princess. And seeing as how I stopped blogging right in the middle of a self-imposed challenge, we can also safely assume that I am a Very Naughty Girl too.

Bluddy 'ell though, some of those challenge suggestions were hard! It got so that every time I came by to try a new post, my brain would freeze for a few moments and then break out in a sweat. A glazed look would appear in my eyes, and I would end up closing the tab and putting it off until 'tomorrow'. A new year has begun since then, and still those challenges have stumped me, so I figure it's best to ramble about something else. That's not to say that I will never complete the challenge, I'd just rather attempt them when not feeling under undue pressure.

On that slightly disappointing note (for me, if not for you), here I am with the first of 2012's blog posts. Nothing very exciting so far, I know, but we have to start somewhere.

I could waffle on a bit about the dire 2012-End-Of-The-World thingy, but that would be predictable (not to mention depressing). I could talk about the fact that I'm whipping my procrastinating butt into gear by entering this year's ABNA, but I know lots of other blogs are full of this competition already, so that would also be predictable.

So how about I wax lyrical (or at least briefly) about the delights of eggnog instead? It's past the festive season, but who cares? Eggnog, a recent discovery, is, in the words of a Taffy, bluddy lush like, innit? Eggs, sugar, cream, cinnamon, and most important of all, rum.

Now, I'm not usually a rum drinker (sorry Mr. Sparrow), but I have to admit that rum, when it is included with eggnoggy stuff, is lurvely. So nice, in fact, that I have decided that it shall not be forgotten about until next Christmas. Eggnog should be a year-round drink as far as I'm concerned. It may even replace - shock, horror, gasp!- vodka as my preferred alcohol of choice. *nogs* Er, I mean *nods*.

Image is mine, my precious, my own!

So yeah, that's what my first post of 2012 celebrates. Eggnog. May the year be filled will many sugar-enhanced rum and cinnamon goodness.

Happy It's-Not-The-End-Of-The-World-2012 everyone!

*embracing the oddness*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.

Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  

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My list of requests is getting harder and harder to work with, and some of the suggestions are really quite disturbing. I had a quick search on Google images for today's subject, and almost the first picture I saw was the one above. Now, I might have said that some of the suggestions were a bit disturbing, but I have to admit, that might be because my brain thinks a bunch of stuff is odd. 

Anyway,  as soon as I saw this, it reminded me of my old deep fat fryer. And seeing as it is actually a chemical toilet, my immediate reaction was 'ewww'.

I hope that 'link' disturbs you as much as it did me. And on that note, I'll leave you to your odd imaginings...


*runs*

*is introducing a friend*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.

Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself. My name's Eric Spartan, and I have an unusual job. I hunt zombies. That's right, you didn't misread - I hunt zombies for a living. You might think that having no body might hinder me in this occupation, but you'd be wrong. In fact, not having a body sort of gives me a head start, as it were, for those undead peeps out there don't expect to be battered by the Blue Haired One.


It all started in my old job. I used to work in a place called Spar, and I loved it so much that I even changed my name in honor of it. And, well, you have to admit, Eric Spartan has a nice ring to it, much better than Eric Schmeric.


Anyway, the Spar was a great place to work, with lots of lovely guys and gals to spend my day with. I was based in the kitchen with Princess - Spar's very own Baker Boy - and we had a good giggle most days. The rest of the staff were pretty cool too, but Princess was my main man, youknoworrimean?


One day, as I was helping with the baguettes (it's amazing how technically difficult it is making a prawn salad baguette, you know), we heard screaming. Princess dropped his knife faster than a pro dropping her pants, and I fairly squeaked with terror, but we gathered our wits (and a couple of chicken skewers) and ventured onto the shop floor. Imagine our surprise when we were faced with...


Duh, duh, DUHHHHHHHH!!!!!



Zombies. Lots and lots of zombies. They were everywhere, even in the back-up fridge (though Lord knows how they managed to close the door behind them, it's dodgy at the best of times). Anyway, we could see some of the girls battling bravely against this undead army, but they were outnumbered. Me and Princess had to do something, obviously, and we had to do it fast, or our family of Spartans would be zombified quicker than those pro's pants falling down.


Princess, being the ingenious Baker Boy that he is, jumped over the coffee machine back into the kitchen, and grabbed himself some orange waste bags, and a roll each of 'veg' and 'meat' stickers. Now, I have to admit, I thought he might have lost the plot at this point, but Princess is a man of many ideas and surprised us all.


First, he rounded up the Spartans and covered them all in sticky labels, declaring them as 'veg'. I was still a bit lost, especially when his next move saw him labelling the zombies as 'meat'.


"Stands to reason, dunnit?" said Princess, rolling his eyes. "I mean, have you ever heard of a vegetarian zombie?"


To be fair, I hadn't, so I left him to his ministrations.


"We go after them in pairs, alright?" ordered Princess. "Two veg for every meat."


*coughs*

It seems the plan was to make up a threesome, with the Spartan Veggies going after the Zombie Meaties from two sides, squashing the undead, and then encasing them in an orange bag. I helped by bouncing around the zombies and hitting their heads, knocking them out cold for easier bagging. After tying the bags securely with the empty strips of veg and meat labels, we piled them up outside ready for the council men to pick them up at the end of the day. Sorted.

It was a struggle, and we had to abandon all thoughts of upselling for that day as we just didn't have the time, but we did it. We pulled through, and the Spartans saved the day. Well, we saved Spar at any rate. Unfortunately, there are still zombies out there, infiltrating the world at large. I decided to take up Zombie Hunting full time after that. Princess helps out from time to time, and the Spartans keep me supplied with orange bags and rolls of sticky labels, so it's still a team effort.

So keep an eye out for me, will you, and if you happen to see a blue haired balloon bouncing around in your vicinity, don't burst it, just cheer it on its way. I'm just trying to save the world, that's all.

Because my name is Eric Spartan, and I'm a zombie hunter.


If you want to know Eric, find him on Facebook. Seriously, he's there. Friend him and give him your support. Help Eric save us from the zombies!

*is ducking about*

Limericks.
Slugs.
Pub lunches.
Fairy tales.
Crazy dream/nightmare.
A nasty post on Brighton or Butlins.
Zombie apocalypse.
Nonions.
Star Wars - Taff style.
Monty Python - Taff style.
The origin of pi.
Plato vs. Aristotle.
Chocolate - good or bad for you?.
The smallest country in the world.
Why are villains so damn sexy?
Creepy Halloween stories/movies that have the same lame plot.
The relativity of time.
Rubber ducks.
Air sex.
Palindromes.
Saucy seaside postcards.
Nude calenders.
Toffee apples.
Dung beetles.
Bicarbonate of Soda.
Spinsters and cats.
Chemical toilets.
Light bulbs.
Flea circuses.
Door stops.

Something you do not wish to even think about, let alone write about.

Something about a commonly held belief or myth that you'd like to take umbrage with.  

Elvis Duck

Mr and Mrs Duck

Christmas Ducks

Punky Duck

Scary Ducks

Sexy Duck

What the duck???

For original images, please see link under each picture.