Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

*is shaking her fist at fate*

Oi! Ms Fate! I'd like a word with you, Missy. *glares wrathfully* What's with all the crap you've been throwing in my path lately, huh? If I was speaking literally, I'd have been cleaning muck off my shoes for the last month. What the heck happened to giving me a break, huh? *glares again*

You know, I do my best to get along, I really do, but when you keep doing horrible things to me, it's kinda hard.  First you decide that my husband needs to have weekly accidents on his upper limbs for a while. Look, Mrs - my hubby can get himself into scrapes all by himself, he doesn't need any other help thank you very much. *pointed glare*

And as for my son... well, when exactly did you decide to turn him from a reasonably well behaved child into The Teenager Most Likely To Threaten His Teacher With A Hammer? What's up with that?

Oh, and don't even get me started on my daughter. You know, the One Most Likely To Drive You Insane - remember her? Not content with making her possibly the most exasperating little girl within a twenty mile radius, you seem to have decided that excess cheek, downright rudeness, and infinite wind-up capabilities are now Miss Ellie's new foibles. She's my daughter, and I love her to bits, but really... you need to let up a bit with her or she may end up being strangled. Or at the very least gagged.

And what on earth have my poor pussies ever done to you to deserve near death experiences? I'm a conscientious pet owner. I feed them well, they have the run of the house, I keep my daughter away as much as I can (though there have been a few incidents of the poor things being Ellied, granted), and I make sure they get treated with anti-flea stuff regularly. So, any chance you could tell me why this month's flea treatment caused most of their fur to fall out, gave them open sores, and caused my older puss to constantly shake for almost a month?? *glares through narrowed eyes*

Now don't get me wrong, none of these things happened to me personally, but still, they've happened to my nearest and dearest, and that's not on, Missy, that's not on at all. Give the Smith family a break, can't you?

Of course, although none of the above directly happened to me, you couldn't leave me out, could you? *eyeroll* Oh no, that wouldn't be right, would it? I have been happily cough free for the last two years (after suffering every winter for twenty odd years) - probably something to do with not having to walk to work in the bitter cold at the crack of dawn - and I thought I was clear of the damned thing. So what did you do? You gave it back to me. Well thanks very much for that. No really, thank you. It's really made my year. Not only to I struggle to get above five hours of sleep at the best of times, but now I get to wake up every hour or so and enjoy a fifteen minute coughing fit. Lovely.

You're a bit of a bitch really, aren't you Miss Fate. Take that. *punches*


  1. Poor Tara, this really isn't your month. Maybe next month will be better, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

  2. Thanks Weesa! *glomps* Honestly, with all the stuff that's gone on this year, I'm hoping for a shed load of good karma NEXT year to even things out.

    Still, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't hopping from one disaster to another. *snorts*

  3. Some years seem to go like that, and then when you finally get a break, you peer suspiciously around wondering what on earth is about to go wrong, or if you didn't see something horrible and it's going to sneak up later. Stock up on the tissues I say! (and cough lozenges, and hospital coverage, and vet assistance, and child care vouchers etc)

  4. Well the cough is still here - and here to stay for at least a mointh - but my cats are on the mend, my son's been cleared of the threatening with hammer charges, and my hubby has managed over a week without burning himself, falling off his motorbike or being stabbed with broken glass. Things are looking up. *snort*

    But yeah, I'm looking over my shoulder at the moment because things seem to be OK, and that's usually when the stupid things happen.

  5. I hope things start to look up for you soon.

    *is tempted to smack Fate but that will just aggravate her more*

  6. I've stopped procrastinating.. until next week.