Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Saturday, 29 May 2010

The Fairy Godmother's Handbook

Yes, all Fairy Godmothers have to follow rules, and they have a trusty handbook to refer to in times of need. There is also the Godmother Council, of which the Chief Fairy holds supreme authority over, and has the power to strip a Fairy Godmother of her abilities. 
No, I'm not going mad (mostly because that would suggest I was sane to begin with), I've just been working on my prologue for Cardiffella in the last week or so, and during the process I came up with the idea of a handbook for Fairy Godmothers. You see, my Fairy Godmother is a cat - a talking tabby cat to be more specific - and there had to be a reason why I had a talking cat in my novel. I've always known her back story, I just never figured out how I would explain it in the novel. As I began to type last week, the idea for a handbook popped into my head, and before I knew it I had a Chief Godmother, a whole court system, and a complete godmother history champing at the bit to come out of my brain. Mad, eh?

Anywho, seeing as I am writing the sequel next month for BuNoWriMo (Lordy, that sounds really scary now *snort*), it's probably just as well that I had the idea for the handbook right at this moment. My talking cat is set to appear in not only the sequel to Cardiffella, but several more books too. Suddenly my Fairy Godmother is not a peripheral character, she's the main character. Suddenly my interfering pussy is taking over the world (or my stories, at any rate).

Anywho, I thought I'd post up the first five rules from The Fairy Godmother's Handbook, but before I did that I needed to explain a little bit about what it was all about. Hence the ramble posted above. *snort* I'm toying with the idea of having a different 'rule'  included at the beginning of every chapter (not necessarily in any particular order). I'm not one for creating chapter titles anyway (I usually stick to the boring 'Chapter One' etc format) and I thought that using a rule to kick off each chapter might be a nice little gimmick. Thus I now present you with the provisional first five rules as printed in the official Fairy Godmother's Handbook, and endorsed by none other than the Chief Fairy Godmother herself.

Rule Number One - Only accept true damsels as clients; fake damsels, wicked widows, evil step-mothers and witches-in-disguise need not apply.

Rule Number Two - When performing one's duties, a Fairy Godmother must at all times remain ladylike and polite. Profanity, vulgar language and displays of temper are not encouraged lest they set a poor example to the client.

Rule Number Three - Always remember that the client is never right, and doesn't know what is good for them.

Rule Number Four - Never allow a client to expose themselves publicly. Remember, a true damsel remains covered from the neck down at all times.

Rule Number Five - Exercise is important. All clients should be encouraged to partake in some exercise on a regular basis. This will not only benefit the general health of your client, but also will also facilitate 'accidental' meetings with their prospective partners.

Of course, these rules are in the draft stage and are subject to change, but I couldn't resist sharing my latest spurt of insanity, not least because I couldn't think of anything else to blog about. I am being overtaken by BuNoWriMo at the moment, and can think of nothing else but my talking cat. I sense that I may be blogging about her quite Alot * in the weeks to come....

*Not a typo, I intended to type 'Alot'. For you to understand the inside joke, then I am afraid that you'll have to become a member of BuNoWriMo and read their page on Facebook. Not that I'm bribing you or anything, honest.


  1. Liked it Alot ... anyway, could you imagine a fairy Godmother with a trashy mouth?? hahaha I should write (after I finish with BuNoWriMo) a sort fic (us in there) and the tragedy that FGM quit so we had to take her place mwahahahah *plots*
    Also I should do some sketches for you...

  2. I love the handbook idea and the rules! I can't wait to see how BuNoWriMo goes for everyone!

  3. I think the handbook is a FABULOUS idea! You can use it, actually--writing it, as an incentive to 'buy now'--one of the tricks to best sellers is these big incentive to buy on a certain day, and a 'download' of the fairy godmother handbook is an EXCELLENT adjunct! I also like them as either chapter heads or section heads... I'm thinking you want them for ALL your books, so maybe you want to designate... say five a book, and break the book into sections that are broader than chapters--then you can just reveal the relevant one for each section.

  4. I think it is just fantastic. Reminds me of Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics that he wrote down only in about the third or fourth story, but which became so entrenched, that people actually working in the field of robotics feel those laws are sacrosanct!
    And I blogged about Alot tomorrow- or rather, I blogged about Alot on Saturday and scheduled it to appear tomorrow, so if people read my blog tomorrow, they don't have to join! But I would rather they do both.

  5. Ana - you definitely need to write a missing FGM fic, that would be hilarious!

    Bridge - I can't wait for BuNoWriMo either, it's going to be brilliant! *squees*

    Tart (er, Tami) - yeah, I sort of thought about that too. I don't think I could think of enough amusing rules for twenty odd chapters of four or five books. Section headers sound much more doable. As for the handbook download... well, I sort of already had an idea about something along those lines... kind of. *is being mysterious*

    Natasha - I could picture these rules heading the pages as soon as they popped into my head. I don't know where the idea came from, it just sort of popped into my brain quite randomly. But the idea for Cardiffella came from a random thought, so I figured I should go with it. :)

  6. Ideas just coming is the way to go!!!
    And there is something for you on my blog.