Saturday, 15 May 2010
Tales of the Unexpected
I was supposed to have blogged two days ago about the similarities and differences between my worldwide friends, but Thursdays are iffy days for blogging, mostly because I usually have company all day. I figured I wouldn't worry about it and blog on Friday instead, no sweat, right?
But yesterday was a strange day. I had no inkling that it was a strange day until around 7pm, but it was a strange day all the same. I followed my usual Friday routine of getting up, making packed lunches for the kids and seeing them off to school. Then I ventured into Canton (the nearest decent place to grocery shop) and stocked up on the essentials for the weekend before returning home and giving the house the pre-weekend tidy up. I managed to quickly write my status short story for this week's challenge (a new thing I've been participating in which requires you to write a short story in 420 characters or less and post it as your Facebook status every Friday).
So far, so good. I mean, I was running late, but that's pretty normal for me so I wasn't worried. I figured I'd catch up with the rest of the online stuff when I got back from the school run. I had my blog to do, I'd planned a little more networking on Facebook, and I wanted to drabble for my writer's group.
Many of you know that I have been suffering with depression for the last five months, and the depression has been the cause of my long absences from not only blogging, but the internet in general. Through trial and error, my doctor finally prescribed me something that, much to my surprise, appears to be working, and my episodic depression seems to be talking a back seat most of the time. A couple of months ago I was a basket case most days, whereas now I am mostly back to normal. I managed two weeks without a large 'dip', and the dip only lasted a day instead of much longer. That was last week, and I remember thinking how pleased I was to have gone fourteen days without turning into Mrs Cry Baby.
But yesterday my inner It returned. Now usually I have a day or two's warning; I feel a bit off - still able to function, just not quite right. It's awful, because I know I'm heading towards a really bad day, but at least I know it's coming and I can prepare for it somewhat. Yesterday's re-emergence of It was completely unexpected. The only warning I had was that I was blocked when it came to writing, but because I have always had these blocks I didn't recognise it as a warning sign. By the time I'd put the kids to bed I was antsy. An hour later and I was climbing the walls.
What followed was a couple of hours experiencing a mild panic attack, and a night mostly spent trying to get to sleep, but failing abysmally. I don't know whether it's nerves or something, but when It comes to visit, I spend half the night needing to pee (sorry if that's too much information).
Of course, now I am exhausted and will no doubt fall asleep at some point during the day (if my kids allow it), but on the good side, It seems to be largely absent, so her visit was only a short one this time around. She left just as suddenly as she arrived. Odd, that - but I'm not complaining.
Anyway, that's today's ramble for you. I may yet get to that blogging about my worldwide friends thingy, but I now have this foible where I tend to avoid things that were triggers or reminders of my It moments, so it's not looking likely. It's definitely a Stubborn Thing rather than a Logic Thing, because I know that blogging was NOT a trigger for my inner It visiting, but logic never comes into play when I am playing host to It, so I've given up trying to to reason with Stubborn Thing because I know that I'm never going to win.
And here endeth today's blog thingy.