Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Saturday, 15 May 2010

Tales of the Unexpected

I was supposed to have blogged two days ago about the similarities and differences between my worldwide friends, but Thursdays are iffy days for blogging, mostly because I usually have company all day. I figured I wouldn't worry about it and blog on Friday instead, no sweat, right?

But yesterday was a strange day. I had no inkling that it was a strange day until around 7pm, but it was a strange day all the same. I followed my usual Friday routine of getting up, making packed lunches for the kids and seeing them off to school. Then I ventured into Canton (the nearest decent place to grocery shop) and stocked up on the essentials for the weekend before returning home and giving the house the pre-weekend tidy up. I managed to quickly write my status short story for this week's challenge (a new thing I've been participating in which requires you to write a short story in 420 characters or less and post it as your Facebook status every Friday).

So far, so good. I mean, I was running late, but that's pretty normal for me so I wasn't worried. I figured I'd catch up with the rest of the online stuff when I got back from the school run. I had my blog to do, I'd planned a little more networking on Facebook, and I wanted to drabble for my writer's group.

But then the day became strange. One minute I was fine, the next I suddenly nosedived into a pit of paranoia and panic. I have no idea why this happened, and I didn't have any of the usual warning signs. It was weird.

Many of you know that I have been suffering with depression for the last five months, and the depression has been the cause of my long absences from not only blogging, but the internet in general. Through trial and error, my doctor finally prescribed me something that, much to my surprise, appears to be working, and my episodic depression seems to be talking a back seat most of the time.  A couple of months ago I was a basket case most days, whereas now I am mostly back to normal. I managed two weeks without a large 'dip', and the dip only lasted a day instead of much longer.  That was last week, and I remember thinking how pleased I was to have gone fourteen days without turning into Mrs Cry Baby.

But yesterday my inner It returned. Now usually I have a day or two's warning; I feel a bit off - still able to function, just not quite right. It's awful, because I know I'm heading towards a really bad day, but at least I know it's coming and I can prepare for it somewhat. Yesterday's re-emergence of It was completely unexpected. The only warning I had was that I was blocked when it came to writing, but because I have always had these blocks I didn't recognise it as a warning sign. By the time I'd put the kids to bed I was antsy. An hour later and I was climbing the walls.

What followed was a couple of hours experiencing a mild panic attack, and a night mostly spent trying to get to sleep, but failing abysmally. I don't know whether it's nerves or something, but when It comes to visit, I spend half the night needing to pee (sorry if that's too much information).

Anyway, I managed to fall asleep eventually, only to be woken up by the 6:30am alarm for my hubby. I knocked it off and within the space of about thirty seconds was deeply asleep again. But then the alarm went off again because I'd hit the 'snooze' button instead of the 'off 'button. My few minutes of deep slumber were cruelly ended and suddenly I was wide awake. Isn't it odd how you can be so deeply asleep one minute, and wide awake the next? I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep again so I got up.

Of course, now I am exhausted and will no doubt fall asleep at some point during the day (if my kids allow it), but on the good side, It seems to be largely absent, so her visit was only a short one this time around. She left just as suddenly as she arrived. Odd, that - but I'm not complaining.

Anyway, that's today's ramble for you. I may yet get to that blogging about my worldwide friends thingy, but I now have this foible where I tend to avoid things that were triggers or reminders of my It moments, so it's not looking likely. It's definitely a Stubborn Thing rather than a Logic Thing, because I know that blogging was NOT a trigger for my inner It visiting, but logic never comes into play when I am playing host to It, so I've given up trying to to reason with Stubborn Thing because I know that I'm never going to win.

And here endeth today's blog thingy.


  1. I'm glad you've kicked the blues. Life throws us many pies, sometimes blackberry and sometimes apple and lemon. This analogy comes courtesy of an angry Welsh tramp who bullied me to put it in this comment. He also says you owe him forty quid and he wants it back right now. Cwching bastard!

  2. Ha! That Cwching bastard owes ME fifty quid, so tell him to get my tenner and return post haste! Cheeky tramp! *mutters*

    And as long as life throws me blackberry pies, I'm a happy panda.

  3. Glad you kicked It out, happy to have You back.

  4. Tara-I think the meds block the worst, but every once in a while, there is a powerful one that breaks through--probably the meds are why on no warning, but ALSO they are why on so short, and fewer days like that, so I think in all, you are benefitting hugely.

    Hang in there--you're doing great, sister, and the writing will return.

  5. Bridge - thanks Sweetie! *hugs*

    Tami - oh absolutely. The meds are definitely helping, which I still find strange because I was convinced only two months ago that they weren't for me. I guess I just needed to find the right dosage.

    But yes, I'm doing much better. :)