It's your sister's birthday today. Believe it or not, she's eight. I can't believe how fast the time has flown. You would have been approaching your tenth birthday if you were still here. We probably would have been discussing the plans for the party, what you would wear, and how you would style your hair, just as I have done with your sister. I'm pretty sure you would have had long blond hair too, and I bet it would have had that little kink to it, making it curl slightly at the ends.
Would your eyes have been blue like your brother, or brown like your sister? Either way, they would have been sparking with the Smith mischief, without a doubt. Sometimes I wonder what your personality would have been like, but I've always been convinced that you would have been as stubborn as me, just like your brother and sister are. You'd have inherited your father's sense of humour too.
I wanted to say thank you. I carried you for such a short time, and we never had the chance to get to know each other, but you're with me every day. I couldn't give you the promise of birthdays to look forward too, I couldn't give you kisses and hugs every morning. Your brother gave you your name in lieu of sibling rivalry, and I gave you my name too, so that we would always have something to share. It wasn't anywhere near what I wanted to give you, but it was all I had.
You gave me Ellie. Without you, I wouldn't have a daughter celebrating her birthday today. Without you, I wouldn't have a little girl who brings joy and exasperation in equal measures. Your tiny shot at life may have only lasted a few months, but those months paved the way to my family being complete.
So as I celebrate your sister's birthday today, always remember that I am thinking of you too, just as I think of you every day. Your footprints are displayed just as proudly as the pictures of your brother and sister, and your name is never far from my mind. Thank you for completing my family.
Love Mum xxx
In memory of my first daughter, Amber Marie Smith, who was born on September 26th 1999, and taken from us the very same day.