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Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

*is a failure*

Yup, a great big fat failure, that's me. Now don't panic, I'm not about to depress everyone with tales of woe, I'm actually talking about a specific failure, not failure in general. In actual fact, despite personal blips here and there, I feel pretty good on the whole, and not a failure at all, so perhaps I shouldn't really call today's blog *is a failure* because that might be a tad misleading....

Anywho, when I say a specific failure (which I'm quite sure I did somewhere in the above rambling paragraph), I'm talking about BuNoWriMo. You see, I was supposed to have written a 50,000 word novel in the month of June, but it's the 26th and I still haven't passed 10k. Tomorrow is a no-no for writing, it being a Sunday anallat (cooking, cleaning, general Sunday busy-ness etc), which leaves only three days of the month left in which I would have to write just over 40k words. Im. Poss. I. Ble. Thus *is a failure*

I don't quite know how and where I went wrong. Or perhaps I do, I just don't know why. Now, being a procrastinator of the highest order would usually mean that there should be no surprise that I have failed the challenge. I'm an 'avoider' by nature, and constantly put things off until the last possible moment. Why I do this, I don't know, but there we are. I know that I shouldn't do it, but can't seem to help myself. It's like when you are dieting and there is a cream cake in the bakers which appears to be glowing at you and labelled with a flashing arrow accompanied with a sign saying 'Eat Me, You Know You Want To.'

Anyway, like the glorious cream cake that beckons, I can't seem to resist procrastinating. Sometimes I shock myself and keep control over my avoiding tendencies - last year's NaNoWriMo is a perfect (and probably unique) example of this - but mostly I find myself slipping back into those horrible habits. These include copious amounts of cleaning (both horrible because it stops me from writing, and because cleaning is not exactly the nicest of jobs in the world), scandalous amounts of games of Bejeweled Blitz, reading fluff (which is a fairly new habit, but one which serves two purposes - one, it keeps me from writing *coughs*, and two, I can pretend that one day Mr Darcy will sweep me off my feet and pay homage to my boobage), and even more cleaning. I have no idea why I clean so much, because I absolutely loathe housework, but I still find myself endlessly polishing, sweeping, mopping and vacuuming on a daily basis.

The strange thing is, I was absolutely determined to write my novel this month, and was far more prepared than I was for NaNoWriMo. I wasn't at all concerned about the challenge. After all, I'd done it before, so I could do it again, right? Not to mention that this time around I had a core base of both characters and setting, and even a rough plot already worked out in my head. I should have breezed through it.

Rather than get all down in the mouth about it, I am going to shrug my shoulders and accept the fact that even the Best Laid Plans Sometimes Go Awry. *winks at Tami* There's no point beating myself up about it, and I still have almost ten thousand words written  and saved on my computer. That's pretty good when you consider that I haven't had the best of years so far, and is in actual fact the only real writing that I have done so far in 2010.

So maybe I shouldn't name today's ramble *is a failure*, even though technically I have failed BuNoWriMo. I prefer to see it as a step in the right direction, and as my friend often says (another nod to Tami), baby steps, baby steps.... or just keep swimming.

Though maybe I'll leave it at baby steps. Being a scaredy cat when it comes to water, I can't actually swim. *snort*

8 comments:

  1. Nice. I have the same problems and I can relate to you so well. I organize my desk when I don't feel like writing. It serves as a nice way to feel like I accomplished something even if I didn't really accomplish what I set out to do - which was to write.

    You've done great to get 10k on the page, so you deserve a pat on the back at the very least. :) 10k is so much more than what most people put out. Remember - everyone WANTS to write a novel, but many people I speak with don't. Just the act of doing puts you above and beyond the starting line.

    And I think NaNoWriMo (which I have completed a number of years now) is easier because there's a strange build up over the year toward it. I know that's how I feel about it. I start mentally preparing for it in August and by November, I've already sworn off family, friends, breathing and eating to write.

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  2. Oh Boy I am in the same situation as you ... the diference is that you're a true writer and it doesn't not matter if you don't do your Bunowrimo but for me it is a complete failure ... and you are doing heading to the right direction ... I'll be on line when your book comes out!

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  3. David - welcome! And I totally get you on the clearing the desk thing, obviously. :) I think most of my problems relate to things that are planned. Whereas planning works for most people, whenever I plan something I end up not doing it. I signed up for NaNo last year less than a week before it kicked off with absolutely no idea of what I would write, yet I finished my 50k a day early - despite HUGE setbacks. For BuNo, I had known about it for some time and had an idea firmly in place, yet I failed completely. I seem to work better when I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe that's a procrastinator's thing. *shrugs* Anyway, thanks for stopping by!

    Ana - *glomps totally for calling me a true writer* Sweetie, you've written some beautiful work, you just need to believe in yourself. YOU are a true writer too. *nods*

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  4. See, what y'all need is a NAG. If you had somebody saying 'why is this such a mess?" all the time, then your procrastination instincts would be to WRITE to avoid pleasing said NAG. *shifty*

    Tara--you could STILL do another 5K this month... that would put you at a 500 words a day average and give you a quarter of a book... *blinks* Please.

    Oh, wait... no... how about this...

    CLEAN YOUR DAMN BATHROOM, and WHEN YOU'RE DONE CLEAN DALE'S ROOM! *waits to see if reverse psychology is effective*

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  5. Tami - see, that won't work because nobody in my house CARES whether it looks like a tip or not apart from me. I could leave it for a week and nobody would say anything. I just can't SIT in it when it's like that.

    And shock horror! Dale cleaned his OWN room yesterday! Though possibly that was because he was grounded and had nothing else to do. *snort*

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  6. Tara, you are not a failure in this specific area. I think the fact that you wrote just under 10,000 words was a major accomplishment. Be extraordinarily proud of yourself as most people can't write 10 words in one day.

    *glomps*

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  7. *glomps Chary* Thanks Sweetie! Love ya muchly!

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