Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Sunday, 6 June 2010

*is spamming*

Well, I'm not really spamming, because if I were then I wouldn't be using my own blog, as spamming generally means bombarding someone with a load of links to other websites. Or if I were being stricter with the term, spam is usually what we call all those junk emails. But still, if I want to say I am spamming, then I will.

Somebody does keep spamming my blog page though. Not frequently, but often enough. Back last year I had somebody post a huge comment on the subject of, erm, people who saw what G Hove A did (don't want to type the real words in case I get ranted at again). Now, it wasn't as if I'd insulted Mr G Hove A, but apparently just typing the words activated some sort of automatic response. Anywho, I definitely won't be making that mistake again.

My most frequent spammer appears to be Chinese though. At least, the person leaves a comment in Chinese characters and has a Chinese name (also in Chinese characters). As far as I can tell, the actual characters aren't actual spamming for the most part, but there usually appears a series of '.........' at the end of each comment, and when you run the mouse over them you see several website links on the bottom of the computer screen. Most are illegible - you don't really know what they are - but sometimes you see a word and you just know it is something smutty.

The thing with spam, is that most of the time it is porn. Or if not porn, then something associated with sex. For example, around 90% of the junk mail that I get are usually emails that are asking me if I want to buy either Viagra (or something similar), or something magical that will enhance the size of my penis (which, lets be honest, would have to be magical, since the last time I checked, I don't have a penis.*snort*). The other 10% is usually about the latest watch on the market. (No, I don't get it, either).

Getting back to the porn thing though, I just really find it funny, and you'll need to bear with me here because what I find funny doesn't always correspond with what others find funny. *shifty* You see, to me 'spam' will always be a tin of what I loosely call meat (check out the selection they have below - it's porktastic! *snort*).Or, to be more specific, chopped ham and pork. Now, to understand why I think this is funny, you need to know that I always get 'pork' and 'porn' muddled up. Well, not always - I mean, I don't go to the butchers and ask for a bit of porn for my tea or anything (because if I did, I think I might scare the poor man) - but when I see either of these words written down (or on a computer screen), I always have to double check. I see 'pork' as 'porn', and 'porn' as 'pork'.

To make matters more confusing, around here a slang term for, ahem, sexual relations, is porking. As in, 'ooh, fancy coming back to mine for a good porking?' (Youknowzitmakezsense!)

Perhaps you can see my dilemma.....

Another thing that makes me laugh is that spam (the chopped ham and pork stuff) is universally reviled as far as I know. I mean, there are some people who actually like the stuff, but mostly we tend to avoid buying it if we can. There are people who are trying to make spam more popular (check out the official Spam website *snort*), but I think they're fighting a losing battle.  Spam is just something that makes people roll their eyes and snigger. Honestly, just saying the word makes me laugh (I told you I was weird).

I believe that spam first came into existence somewhere in the 1940's (but I could be wrong). It certainly became popular around about then at any rate. Spam was advertised as the must-have food product, mostly because it was cheap and plentiful during a time when all decent food was rationed. What strikes me as funny in today's world is that Spam is actually quite expensive now. I mean, to feed a family of four to six people, you would need a few tins, and honestly, you can get a fresh chicken for around the same amount of money (or less money, even, if you shop around).

Anyway, before I look for some spammy pictures, I can't stop typing without mentioning Spamalot - not least because it contains the word 'spam' (which is funny) and 'alot' (which is genius *nods*). Mostly I'm bringing it up though because it is Python related (as in Monty Python, not 'snake' python). and I love Monty Python (alot!). I could ramble extensively about my love of all things Pythonesque, but one, if you are already a fan I don't need to, and two, if you don't know who Monty Python are then I strongly suspect you wouldn't get any of the references. I'll just say that if you don't know who Monty Python are, then you need to do some research and watch as many of their movies as possible. And if you can find any of their TV sketches on Youtube, watch those as well. You'll probably die laughing, but what a way to go, eh?

I'll end it there I think. Nothing like finishing off with a Python or two. *winks* But before I go, I'm asking for a wee favour. My next blog post will be my 100th - ! - and I have no idea what to blog about. I'd like to make it memorable, so I'm open to suggestions. Unlike when I ask for requests, I'm not going to use the first suggestion that I see, but wait until I see one that makes me laugh out loud and think 'Yes! I SO have to do that one!'. So, I need a really good suggestion - no pressure or anything - that will ignite my imagination. So hop to it!


  1. Well, I blogged a little about pot smoking ghosts, but no pressure. No really there was just a few lines about a pot smoking ghost of someone who wasn't really dead. Now you could write a short little story about the ghost, because I didn't and it might be funnier than what I could come up with. Despite the funniness of the pot smoking ghost thing my blog post was actually a serious one and I would like to see some misadventures.

  2. Well I think you're obligated to post at least a LITTLE (ormoreyeahmoresgood) of the 100th post in TAFF. Maybe you could be a reported and fill us in on all the euphemisms people use when what they REALLY mean is 'I'm fuc&ing my secretary' or something... or translate a short piece of literature into Taff...

    Loved the spam post!

  3. Marjorie - I was seriously thinking about blogging about your pot smoking ghost, but I was stumped on what sort of angle to take. When I came back and saw Tami's Taff suggestion though, I knew exactly what to do instantly, so that's what I went with. I will definitely keep that pot smoking ghost in mind though, because I think I could probably have some fun with it. *grins*

    Tami - all I can say is, youknowzitmakezsense!