Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Taffy Potter

Abow eight yers ago, just afta me doorter was born, I discovvahed 'arry Potter. I was bored like, you see, and coz me doorter was a right 'andful even when she was a baby, I 'ad to keep 'old of her for most of the time, so I needed lotsandlots of books to keep me occupied.

Anywayz, one ov me Taffy slags gave me the first four books in the 'arry Potter series, so I was well chuffed becoz it ment I could finally read all abow the craze what was sweeping threw Britain like. Becoz it was supposed to be, like, a kiddie book, I fink I read the first one in abow free hours or somefink. The story was wicked though, and I was a fan from the very first line.

Now most ov you probably already knowz all abow 'arry Potter, but becoz there are still possibly a few clarts out there who've never read the books, like, I'm gunna give you a quick summary ov 'arry's first adventure.

Now, first ov all, the story starts wiv baby 'arry being dropped off outside his aunt's house. There's this wicked wizard see, (and when I say wicked, I means wicked as in evil, not wicked as in bangin') and he's called You-Know-Who. Well really he's called Voldermort, like, but nobody sayz 'is name propa like coz it gives 'em the 'eebie jeebies. Anywayz, You-Know-Who has totally, like, murdered 'arry's parents, and even tried to pop off little 'arry 'imself. But 'arry becomes the Boy What Lived and stuff, which is wicked (ov the bangin kind, not the evil kind).

Not much 'appens for like ten yers, but luckily we gets to skip ahead and not, like, read threw pages and pages of boring stuff. Then 'arry gets visited by this huge clart called 'agrid, and it turns out he 'as to go to this magic school coz he's a wizard just like his parents was, like innit?

Now this is where the venture starts like, coz when 'arry gets to school like, he starts vestigatin some well dodgy stuff that's bin appening. He ends up wiv two clarts - well really it's a clart and a clit, like, innit, coz one's a boy and one's a slag. Anywayz, the trio (cos that's what peeps calls 'em after this point) find lotsa clues and stuff, and spend the next undred pages or so trying to work out who's tryin to steal this fing called the filosifer's stone.

Parrently, this stone is well wicked becoz it like gives you immortality and stuff.  Course, it's pretty obvious that it's You-Know-Who what's afta the stone like, but becoz the orfur wants to make it a little birrov of a misstree, the trio totally gets the wrong end ov the stick like and blames it on this teacher clart what's called Snape. Anywayz, there's this ovver bad clart too, and he's also a teacher (or a prufessor actually, coz that's what they calls the teachers in these books like, innit). This bad clart is in league with You-Know-Who  - sorta like one ov 'is minions if you like, like - and he totally fools everyone, speshally  'arry. Well, to be 'onest, 'arry can be a little birrova lame clart sometimes and dunt usually understand what's going on until the last minit, so it's not really a surprise that he gets fooled like, innit?

So 'arry and his clart and clit ventually cottons on that the bad teacher clart  is about to like steal the filosifer's stone on a particoolar night. They tries to tell the good teacher called Macgonnergle, but she like totally finks their lying and basiclee tells them to du....  uh, go away. Of course, the trio finks they can save the day all by themselves like, so they hatches a plan. Well, to be 'onest they dunt really hatch a plan, they just sorta muddles threw everyfink, but youknowzwhatImean.

Course, afta they've solved a few puzzles and stuff, the clart and the clit ends up 'aving to stay behind (coz the clart ends up knocked out and the clit wants to look afta him like). So 'arry ends up confrunting the bad teacher all by 'imself. Now I won't spoil fings for those peeps that avent read the book yet (I mean, I knowz I've already told you lotsov stuff already like, but I aint givin everyfink away, like innit?), but suffice to say that 'arry, even though he's a birrova lame clart mostly, manages to save the stone.

And that's basiclee the end of the book like, cept 'arry  spends sum time in the school infurmurry, and gets visited by the clart what has the long white beard (who is actually the 'eadmaster of the school, by the way, and is called Dumbledore). Anyways, they shares sum sweets (which aren't very lush by the way coz they tastes of really 'orrible things sumtimes, like ear wax fer 'xample), and the clart with the white beard torks alittlebit cryptically to 'arry about this and that (mostly about nuffing much, to be 'onest, coz the dude with the white beard never really 'xplains fings properly, which I gorra say is a little bit annoying to be truthful).

Anywayz, 'arry ventually leaves the infurmurry and meets back up with his clart and clit, and they all joins the rest ov the school for the final feast ov the yer (I just ramembered that I forgot to tell you allabou the feasts - they has these bangin' feasts at the school  fer speshal accasions like, and the last meal ov the yer is usually one ov the times they does it). Anywayz, the feast is well lush as usual, and before we knowz it, eveyone is back on the train to go home fer the summer like. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you abou the trains too. Never mind, I'm sure you can get the gist anallat.

So that's where the book ends like, innit. I was well chuffed that I was given the first four books togevver, coz I'd have bin a bit ducked off if I couldn't have read any more right away. Course, I was well into the story and so I started the second book right away, but I'll leave that for anovver blog like, innit?



  1. hahaha it was awesome, you even managed to put the hint about lame DD's misteriousness!!!

    Well done Tartar, as usual!!
    Thumbs up .. or shall I say stick up??

  2. Hahaha, thankies Ana! An 'stick up' sounds too much like 'stick it up', which to me is half of a naughty sentence. *snort* Yeah, 'stick up' is good. :)

  3. I knew you would find the "kinkynes" about the phrase hahaha!

  4. But of course I would. *nods* It's all part of being a Taff m'dear. Youknowzitmakezsense!

  5. Now you HAVE to do the rest of the Potter series in Taff!

  6. Loved this, Tara! I always love your Taffy Tales, and I love the hint of what McG almost tells the trio to do *snort* Little special note only catchable if you been learning Taff...

    Word verification was clgart, which really is almost clart, ne?

  7. Marjorie - that's the plan! I WILL do all seven books, but I want to space them out a bit. It's always handy to have an almost ready-made blog to post if I am stuck for a topic.

    *ignores spammer*

    Tami - ha! See, the Taffiness is obviously taking over Blogger.... I wonder if 'ducking' will appear one day soon....