Z is for...

Bad French Imitation

Zere vunce waz a girl from ze Taff

Who zought speaking like zis waz a laff

But zut alors!

Eet waz a bore!

For all eet sounded waz le naff!

French taunting eez le fab.

Y is for...

Youknowzitmakezsense! (It had to be, obviously. *winks*)

Taffing iz good, Taffing iz fab,

Taffing chases away all thatz drab.

So gerroff yer fence

Youknowzitmakezsense!

Coz Taffing's the Gift ov the Gab.

Image borrowed from here.


Apologies for being a little late today with my post, but work and life got in the way! Also, I have to apologise for not visiting as many blogs this week as I have done so far in the challenge, and not replying even more than usual. It's been a mad, mad week...

Lastly, a shout out to Amie Kaufman , who is my 100th follower! Thanks so much! Now I truly feel part of the blogger community (not that I didn't before, but this is somehow extra special). :D

X is for...

The X Chromosome

Women are oft called inferior

(In spite of their shapely posteriors).

But men have x too

(Though women have two)

Hence women are vastly superior.

Image borrowed from here.

A/N 1 - Please take the limerick with a pinch of salt, or tongue in cheek, or in jest (or in which ever way you want that makes you realise that I am not trying to insult any men out there). I mean, women obviously are superior, but I would never say that out loud. Oh...


A/N 2 - The picture has nothing to do with the x chromosome at all, but it turned up in my search for 'funny x pictures', and honestly, it was just begging to be pinched. *coughs*

W is for...

Wobbly Sausages.

Wiggle a little, wiggle a lot.

Wiggle some more till it hits the spot.

Bangers are brill!

Bangers can thrill!

And taste better when sizzling and hot!

Man, I love Google images...

Image (amid much chuckling)  borrowed from here.  And yes, I already had a label for 'wobbly sausages'. *shifty*

Oops, I thought I'd scheduled this for this morning, but I'd saved it as a draft instead...  ah well, better late than never!

V is for...

Vets!

A trip to the vets can be scary,

For my feline friend (who is hairy).

She's not one to roam -

She likes to stay home.

And the men in white make her wary.

The inaccurately named 'Angel'.

'V' was very appropriate for today as I had to take my kitty to the vet to be spayed. She thought it was great fun to be put into the pet carrier, but I'm pretty sure she won't feel that way later on today...

Picture update!!! 

Angel is doing fine after we finally managed to get her to keep the collar on. :)

U is for...

Ummm...

Not knowing what to say can be tough,

Even thousands of words aren't enough.

When ideas you lack

Make you shout out 'Ack!'

It's time to move on to other stuff.

Image borrowed from here.

*I  had no idea what to do for 'U' which is a) why this post is a few hours later than normal, and b) why it's all about not knowing what to do...

T is for...

Taff Speak

There was a young girl from round yer like,

Who torked reelly Taffy, like this, like.

She dropped all her gees,

Replaced s's with zees,

Issallgood! Youknowzitmakezsense, like!

I'd claim ownership ov the pickchur coz itz well wicked, but I achully found it frew google images when I searched for 'clart', like innit. The propa origin is yer, like.


A/N - So technically I cheated by ending three lines with the same word, but one, not many decent words rhyme with 'like', and two, well, we Taffie's say like, like ALL the time, so it seemed apt.

S is for...

Soup, Slugs & Sophisticated Slags...

Well, apparently anyway. The spur-of-the-moment 'O' mini blogfest the other day inspired myself and my three partners in crime to do it again, with each of us suggesting a word (I think you can probably guess which word is mine, yes?). Anyway, check out Rayna, Hart and Cruella for their version of the above 'topics'. Meanwhile...

Some advice for special occasions -

Like birthdays of close relations -

Sophisticated Slags

Will most likely gag

If offered a slug soup creation.

Image borrowed from here.



Aaaaand...

'S' is also for... *drumroll*

*blushes* Thanks so much to J L Dodge for the award! The first (and most likely only) time I have ever been called stylish!

Now, in order for me to do this properly, I have to do four things:

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.( Easy peasy - I would have done this anyway).
2. Share 7 things about yourself ( will do that in a mo).                                
3. Award 10-15 blogs who you think deserve this award ( will do that in a mo, too )
4. Contact these bloggers and let them know about the award ( will have to do that tomorrow [well, today actually, as this is a scheduled post] when I get home from my 6-2 shift at work. Bah Humbug. )

Seven Things About Me:

1 - My name is Tara, and most people think I was named for the plantation in Gone With The Wind. I was, in fact, named after the character of Tara King in the 1960's British TV series The Avengers.

2 - On first meeting me, most people have described me as stuck-up. I find this hilarious, mostly because I am the complete opposite, but also because my accent is best described 'common as muck' (cuz I torks like this, like innit).

3 - I can't swim, and probably never will. I'm not severely hydraphobic, but I'm scared enough to know that I'll never submerge my head beneath water.

4 - I never, ever get a hangover. I'm not a regular drinker, but when I do indulge I have more than a few. My usual tipple is vodka, and despite drinking copious amounts of it on several occasions, I never suffer the following day. *avoids rotten tomatoes*

5 - I married my first serious boyfriend. There's been ups and downs over the years, but 17 years (exactly half of my life, in fact) after meeting, we are still together.

6 - My mind is nearly always in the gutter. I suspect you already knew this, though...

7 - I've been writing silly little ditties since I was in school, one of my earlier efforts being 'The Boy With The One Inch Wonder'. *shifty* Yup, even way back then, my mind was lurking in guttery places.

Enough about me, here's some more people who I think need to spill seven things about themselves. It's possible that they might have been awarded this before, but not by me, so I figure that's OK.

Marjorie @ http://everythingemerald.blogspot.com/
Laura @ http://dailydodo.blogspot.com/
Hart @ http://waterytart23.blogspot.com/
Maria @ http://timetospare-hopelessmoo.blogspot.com/
Jan @ http://labanan.blogspot.com/
Cruella @ http://thegiraffabilityofdigressions.blogspot.com/
Mary @ http://gigglesandguns.blogspot.com/
Rayna @ http://coffeeringseverywhere.blogspot.com/
Pk @ http://pk-hrezo.blogspot.com/
Jen @ http://jen-hemmingandhawing.blogspot.com/
Chary @ http://mspebbles73.blogspot.com/
Eliza @ http://eliza-twaddle.blogspot.com/

And here be the end o' me post, me hearties!

R is for...

Risque

Risque is the word of the day

A word that is lovely to say.

Some people may 'tut' 

When you hint at smut

But for me, it's risque all the way!

This shot is incentive for vast amounts of risque, wouldn't you say?

Image stolen from Google images. *coughs*

Q is for...

Quinquefarious. * 

A limerick is quinquefarious,

With themes that are sometimes nefarious.

Add some odd quotes,

And maybe some goats,

The result will be quite hilarious.

Man, I SO need to have this book!

*Quinquefarious means 'arranged in five rows'. *nods wisely* Look how clever I am. *snort*

P is for...

Parts!

Part the first - A-Z Limerick for 'P'... (on pussies!)

Pussies are a purrrfect pleasure,

When stroking and licking at leisure.

A flick of the tongue

Makes the task much fun,

An outcome you're sure to treasure.

Bet you thought I was being all Taffish, didn't you?

Part the second.... Query Blogfest Post.

Writing with Debra is hosting a Query Blogfest today, and here is my entry! I actually used the blurb from my novel's blog page as the main body of the letter because I spent a lot of time on it and like the way it turned out, but I've added the 'hook' (though it's slightly longer than the recommended 'one sentence') and the closing paragraph today, so it's not totally cheating. *shifty*

Name

Address

Contact numbers

Email

Dear Ms Agent,

Take one damsel unknowingly in distress, add a fairy-godmother, a spattering of nudity, and a Prince-in-the-making. Mix thoroughly and let simmer for a while.

Ella, a twenty-something woman from Cardiff, loves her job, her little house, her two best friends, and her cat. She enjoys nights out on the town, drinking a little too much vodka, and swearing more than she should. She's happy with her life, and it doesn't need changing, right?

But what will she do when her cat starts talking and insists she is Ella's fairy godmother? And what will happen when a new man arrives to take over as boss at Cardiff Mode, the modeling agency where Ella works? Will Max Charming change her mind about needing a man?

Cue plenty of laughs, cursing, accidental nudity, and several trips to the local hospital, as Ella flies from one disaster to the next in her quest to capture her very own Prince Charming.

A modern fairytale, Cardiffella is complete at 60,000 words. It is the first novel in a mini-series that is set in my home city of Cardiff. I have enclosed a SAE for your convenience, and a full synopsis and/or sample chapters are available on request. Thank you very much for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Tara Smith.

O is for...

Oh! Oh! Ohhhh!

A Slight Detour First...

So last night I posted a status update on Facebook which alluded to my state of panic at having five blog posts needing to be written before the end of tomorow. Now, I have fabulous friends, and immediately I was conversing with the lovely Mari about possible blog subjects. Several comments later, another good friend Tami also joined the conversation. Amid much giggling, we covered ottomans, ostriches, the Eurovision song contest, pork chops, quarks and other such things. Forty-five minutes later (and more importantly, forty-five comments later) we had committed to a threesome today.

*coughs*

That is to say, we all agreed that the three of us would post today on the subject of orgasms, ostriches, orange, and ottomans. I highly recommend visiting both of their blogs (Mari @ The Giraffability of Digressions and Tami @ Confessions of a Watery Tart) because one, they have fabulous posts, and two, they explained things much better than I did.

And as for me...

If seduction is what you are pining,

Then ottomans are great for reclining.

Grab an orstrich (for feathers),

A whip made of leather,

And an orange, for orgasmic dining.

*Second Detour


I'm not sure if that makes much sense, but YOU try fitting those parameters into five little lines.


Sexy ostrich borrowed from here.

**Third detour! This just in... we have another victim participant!

N is for ...

Naked Tripping.

There once was a girl famed for her trips,

Far more dangerous than normal slips.

When rolling downhill,

Clothes falling at will,

She'd often expose both of her nips.*

*This is a true story. Unfortunately.



Image borrowed from here.

M is for...

Things That Make You Go Mmmmmmmm...

Hot dirty rangers that make me drool.

Bad boy vampires who dress super cool.

Mojos are sacred,

Especially when naked -

Great for wrestling in a pudding pool!

Image borrowed from here.

L is for...

Limericks!!

Those five little lines can be funny,

And make cloudy days become sunny.

When I was theme picking,

I chose limericking.

And now I'm a happy bunny!

Image borrowed from here...

K is for...

Kair of Diff *

The Kair of Diff is a big hit,

Wiv those wot likes alirrle 'bit'.

Oi oi, dunt be dense!

Youknowzitmakezsense!

Join the clarts and the slags, like innit?

* Wot Taffy peeps calls Cardiff, like innit. If you wants a lesson in Taff like, av a look under the Taffing laybels in that cloudy fingy on the right.


Cardiff Map 1946

J is for...

Jiggly Bits

If your boobage weighs more than an ounce,

They're sure to wobble and bounce.
Giving flirty giggles,

And wriggles and jiggles.

Will cause several male members to pounce.

Image borrowed from empireonline.com

I is for...

Innuendo

I admit to an age over thirty,

And some people say I am flirty.

Double meanings are fun,

When you need a good pun.

So go on, get down with the dirty!

Image borrowed from here.

H is for ...

Humping*

What sets your heart rate to thumping?

And gets your blood really pumping?

I'm sure you can guess,

But will you confess,

To a wish for daily humping?

Obviously this sign is a spoilsport

*Ok, you knew I would reach this level at some point, aye?

Image borrowed from laughpartydotcom

G is for...

Gurning

If fun is what you are yearning,

Then lend your face to some gurning.

In just a short while,

You'll make people smile,

A feat that's always worth earning.

Me & my girl being silly again...

F is for...

Fwuztwatin

Making up words is a must,

When your keyboard decides to go bust.

It's really frustrating

 - or make that fwuztwatin

 When your 'r' has bitten the dust.

Image borrowed from instructables.com

E is for...

Ellie

There dwells in my house an Ellie,

Who's fond of strawberry jelly.

She often tells tales

On big brother Dale

And believes that all boys are 'smelly'.

Image self-taken.

D is for...

Drabbles

To write to set rules can be tricky,

When counting the words I am picky.

I hope it's not babble,

That makes up my drabble,

With words such as 'clicky' and 'jicky'.

*shifty*



Image borrowed from Google images.

C is for...

Cardiffella

Cardiffella's the name of my book,

I'm hoping to cast out a hook

To catch me an agent

Who'll think I'm a talent

And will ask to have another look.

Artwork by Ana Karina Padilla

A Quick Taff

Oi oi peeps! Just a quick post today, like innit? I was plannin a big Taff ramble for me 200th post, see, but itz a bit ducked up now coz I iz doing that A-Z- fingy. This is post #199 ackchooly, but issallgood coz I have tomorrow's post all scheduled like, so techniklee itz still post number 200. *nods* Youknowzitmakezsense!


Anywayz, this A-Z- fingy is well wicked and I iz aving a propa blast, like. Lotsa peeps ave bin commentin, like, and I gorra few more followers annallat, which is well lush, like innit.

The only problum is ... well, Blogger is being a right bugger. It's wicked slow, like, and keeps freezin all the bluddy time. Itzdoinmyhedin! I iz doing my very best to comment on the blogs ov the peeps wot commeted like, and I iz clicking the widget fingy on the page that takes me to random blogs too, so I is trying like, I really iz.

So if you finks I iz being all ignorunt like, then fink again. I really apreeshiates all ov your comments, they really makes my day like, innit? I will keep trying to read and post comments like, but if Blogger keeps being a bugger, it might take alirrlebi longer than it shood. I'll get there in the end though, coz at the end of the day, we A-Zers shood stick togevver and support eachovver, right?

So Happy Almost 200 Blogiversary to me, Happy A-Zing to evryone wots taking part, and lastly, Happy Muvver's Day to all my fellow slags in Kairdiff (and the rest of the world wot sellibrates Muvver's Day today too).

Taffy Tara over and out, like innit.

Image borrowed from this yer web page.

B is for...

Blogging!!!

I never thought I would be blogging,

For me, as unlikely as jogging.

I'm more of a walker,

And blog? I'm a talker!

But look, it's a laptop I'm hogging!

Image permission.

A is for...

Avoiding

My middle name is 'Procrastinate',

Tis why I am almost always late.

Of tasks I'm a hater,

I'll get to them later,

To do things last minute is my fate.

Image borrowed from larrysheckell.com