Parts!
Part the first - A-Z Limerick for 'P'... (on pussies!)
Pussies are a purrrfect pleasure,
When stroking and licking at leisure.
A flick of the tongue
Makes the task much fun,
An outcome you're sure to treasure.
 |
| Bet you thought I was being all Taffish, didn't you? |
Part the second.... Query Blogfest Post.
Writing with Debra is hosting a Query Blogfest today, and here is my entry! I actually used the blurb from my novel's blog page as the main body of the letter because I spent a lot of time on it and like the way it turned out, but I've added the 'hook' (though it's slightly longer than the recommended 'one sentence') and the closing paragraph today, so it's not totally cheating. *shifty*
Name
Address
Contact numbers
Email
Dear Ms Agent,
Take one damsel unknowingly in distress, add a fairy-godmother, a spattering of nudity, and a Prince-in-the-making. Mix thoroughly and let simmer for a while.
Ella, a twenty-something woman from Cardiff, loves her job, her little house, her two best friends, and her cat. She enjoys nights out on the town, drinking a little too much vodka, and swearing more than she should. She's happy with her life, and it doesn't need changing, right?
But what will she do when her cat starts talking and insists she is Ella's fairy godmother? And what will happen when a new man arrives to take over as boss at Cardiff Mode, the modeling agency where Ella works? Will Max Charming change her mind about needing a man?
Cue plenty of laughs, cursing, accidental nudity, and several trips to the local hospital, as Ella flies from one disaster to the next in her quest to capture her very own Prince Charming.
But what will she do when her cat starts talking and insists she is Ella's fairy godmother? And what will happen when a new man arrives to take over as boss at Cardiff Mode, the modeling agency where Ella works? Will Max Charming change her mind about needing a man?
Cue plenty of laughs, cursing, accidental nudity, and several trips to the local hospital, as Ella flies from one disaster to the next in her quest to capture her very own Prince Charming.
A modern fairytale, Cardiffella is complete at 60,000 words. It is the first novel in a mini-series that is set in my home city of Cardiff. I have enclosed a SAE for your convenience, and a full synopsis and/or sample chapters are available on request. Thank you very much for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you.
Regards,
Tara Smith.
I think this query letter sounds great, it sounds like a funny read. Not sure what I can add, except maybe you could relate it to similar style novels?
ReplyDeleteI know it's longer than the usual one paragraph, but it makes me want to read it.
Wagging Tales - Blog for Writers
Okay. Second paragraph has too much information on character, Ella.
ReplyDeleteThink story only, plot only and move away from to much information.
Also. From my experience, rhetorical questions are a very big no no!
This sounds very cute, but I think for a query, it has to be tightened up a bit. I want a talking cat! :)
Charmaine - thanks for the feedback! I'm a little hesitant about likening it to other novels, mostly because it has both real and surreal elements, so it doesn't really 'fit' in fantasy OR romance. It's a comedy though, so I'm glad you caught the comedy vibe!
ReplyDeleteEscape Artist - thank you for the critique! I knew it needed tightening - as a first attempt I wasn't expecting perfection. :) I think you are absolutely right about the second paragraph, and I shall go through it very carefully and snip away what I don't need.
And yes, I want a talking cat too. :)
Love Part A:) Part B is good but I have to agree that some bits could be cut to make it more effective. As to genre I'm still voting for romantic comedy.
ReplyDeleteVery cute! Love your writing style. Also love that your MC isn't super-sweet. Fun story. The query is a little list-y, then a little question mark-y, but you'll get that streamlined for sure :-).
ReplyDeleteI knew you were talking about cats, but I also knew you were slipping in the naughty a bit too. haha!
ReplyDeleteI think you need to be careful on the rhetorical questions--they are supposedly a query no-no. I like it on the blog, but I think in the query you need to change all of those to statements.
ReplyDeleteI'd ALSO be a little careful at the repetition on the nudity and swearing. In the book, they are totally PG, and so I think the query repetition might scare away people who wouldn't actually have a problem with the content.
Your voice comes across great here and it matches your tone, I think you just have some tweaking to do.
Hellooooo!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to this query. It's a lot of fun, very quirky, and I can't wait for this to be published, so I can read it. I would love to get to know your writing. :-)
First of all: You did a great job at catching the hook, setup, conflict, consequence scheme.
here we go:
Take one damsel unknowingly in distress, add a fairy-godmother, a spattering of nudity, and a Prince-in-the-making. Mix thoroughly and let simmer for a while. HAHAHA, I HAD TO SMILE. THIS IS FUNNY. YOU CAUGHT MY ATTENTION AND I WANT TO KNOW MORE.
Ella, a twenty-something woman from Cardiff, loves her job, her little house, her two best friends, and her cat. She enjoys nights out on the town, drinking a little too much vodka, and swearing more than she should. She's happy with her life, and it doesn't need changing, right? I CAN ONLY AGREE WITH YOUR OTHER COMMENTS, YES, IT HAS TOO MUCH OF A LIST. MAKE THIS A LITTLE SOFTER AND SHOW OFF YOUR WRITING SKILLS. THE HOOK WAS FOR FUN AND TO HOOK THE AGENT, HERE YOU NEED TO SHOW THAT YOU CAN WRITE, ALSO.
But what will she do when her cat starts talking and insists she is Ella's fairy godmother? COOL! And what will happen when a new man I WILL NEED A NAME arrives to take over as boss at Cardiff Mode, the modeling agency where Ella works? Will Max Charming change her mind about needing a man? YOU SHOULD MENTION IN THE PARAGRAPH ABOVE THAT SHE DOESN'T NEED A MAN. OF COURSE THE OTHER WERE RIGHT, WAY TOO MANY RHETORIC QUESTIONS. AGAIN, SHOW OFF YOUR WRITING SKILLS.
Cue plenty of laughs, cursing, accidental nudity, and several trips to the local hospital, as Ella flies from one disaster to the next in her quest to capture her very own Prince Charming. LOVE IT.
GREAT JOB, THE FIXING IS SIMPLE, SO GOOOOOD LUUUUCK!!
I think that the second paragraph focuses on the mc too much. You'll want flares of personality throughout telling about the plot.
ReplyDeleteBrandi from Blkosiner’s Book Blog
Sorry to echo everyone. I do think you need to shorten that second paragraph about Ella. You're telling us too much, when you should be showing us with her voice and how she reacts to things that happen to her. Also, I'd toss the questions. More than one agent I've come across has mentioned hating questions in queries. I think the query would be way more compelling if you actually answered those questions and told us what she does.
ReplyDeleteYou're giving us information in a lot of roundabout ways--the recipe, telling instead of showing, and a list of questions that don't get answered. Instead, just tell us directly what happens, how the MC reacts, and what she needs to do about it.
looks like you have sound advice there ... I really cant add much to it, Like the story.. sounds really cute !
ReplyDeleteBUT YOUR LIMERICK ROCKED !!!
JL&B
Sounds like a fun book!
ReplyDeleteBut, who is Max Charming? The name kinda came out of the blue... Also, I'd definitely lose the rhetorical questions. Agents hate them.
But the first paragraph is gold. I'd read the book just on the strength of that. Or at least, start it...
Showed up too late to the ball to do much more than echo the others. Ditch the questions and tighten things up a bit, don't tell us too much about your MC and leave some things tantalizing and you're golden. Great voice! LOVE the first paragraph. Brava!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the great feedback everyone! I'm glad the first paragraph seems good enough to stay as I really liked how it turned out. Totally get why I need to change the listy and questiony things, which I'll do asap.
ReplyDeleteSorry to be so tardy, but I have work commitments that keep me busy. I'll get around to everyone who commented (who I haven't visited yet) sometime today.
Again, thanks for the fab feedback!