Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Saturday, 17 October 2009

Breaking News!!

We interrupt this blog to bring you the latest breaking news (Well, technically this news is two days old, but we won't let a little thing like accuracy get in the way of our reporting duty. Can you imagine what would happen to the world of tabloids if we started fretting over things like that?).

Our report takes us to a little house in Cardiff, where Tara Smith, 23 (author's license *shifty*) has been spotted whooping with joy and dancing naked in the garden (well maybe not 'naked', but we find that adding these embellishments to the story brings in more readers). Our intrepid reporter investigated this unusual occurrence and found out the reason for this sudden spurt of insanity.

"It's been a nightmare!" said Tara Smith, 23 (subliminal). "My laptop has been terminally ill for the last seven months and I was at the end of my tether!"
Tara Smith, 23 (is it working yet?) had spent the previous seven months suffering from the lack of laptop love. This terrible state of affairs had led to some appalling acts of behaviour.

"It's been awful," continued the 23 year old (*coughs*). "I've had to resort to all sorts of things that I'd never have dreamed of in the past."

Our reporter's instincts roused. "How so?" we inquire.

"My house, for starters. Never, and I mean never, has it been so tidy. I even scrubbed behind the toilet."

Scandalous indeed.

"Then there's the books. I've decimated the local library," shuddered the young housewife. "I've read books from all sorts of genres, genres I'd have avoided like the plague in my pre-laptop years."

Disturbingly, these revelations appear to be true. Our reporter found copious amounts of library receipts dating back to February of this year. It appears that Mrs. Smith had been taking out the maximum 15 books each time she visited. Even more disturbing, she had read them in far less time than the three week stipulation of the date stamp. Shocking.

"Then there's the addiction," sighed Mrs. Smith.

Yes, readers, addiction. Our poor (young) victim had succumbed to the powers of something so powerful, she almost forgot her love of the laptop.

"There's just so many things to watch these days," sighed the 23 year old. "I can't let my week go by without finding out if Izzy is still as annoying as ever, or whether McDreamy has kept up with his shaving routine. Not to mention Dean's situation. I mean, the poor guy has to defeat the devil, you've got to show him a little support. The least I can do is keep up to date."

It's only a few steps between sampling the fare and overdoing it, reflects our reporter sadly. However, despite the tragic element to the story, we have reached the part of the article when the light shines brightly on our poor, young addicted fool.

"But then things changed," prompted our reporter.

"Oh yes, yes they did! My husband finally got me a laptop that worked! It's been absolutely fantastic being able to open my laptop and have it stay on for longer than five minutes. And the keys! They all work! It's wonderful!"

Hence the naked (insinuated) dancing and whooping, we gather.

"Well, a girl's got to have the opportunity to celebrate, hasn't she?" beamed the 23 year old.

Let's hope that the young housewife's luck continues.

Ima Nutcase, The Daily Ramble.

1 comment:

  1. The 23 year old tart was seen leaping Naked (really in her case) for joy that her fellow mischief maker is again loaded with the tools of the trade. GET WRITING!!!!