Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Breaking News: Update!

Following our recent story about a young Cardiff resident, today we bring you a further twist in the tale.

You may recall how we reported that Tara Smith, 23, had recently celebrated the arrival of her lovely (working) laptop. Cardiff residents rejoiced at this news, which allowed one of their own to bravely continue with her plans to conquer the world (actually, she just wants to write a novel, but that doesn't make for a very interesting story here at The Daily Ramble, so we thoughtfully added an embellishment or two).

Cardiff residents were very happy indeed. Unfortunately, their joyfulness was to be short-lived. In the last 24 hours, there have been several reports of an alarming nature arriving at Ramble HQ. The somewhat metropolitan capital of Cardiff appears to be under assault by none other than a Very Angry Bear.

Residents have spotted said bear frequently since early evening yesterday, as eye-witness Jacob Hollins informs us.

"Well, I don't know that it was a bear like, innit, but it definitely 'ad brown hair like," said Mr. Hollins, a 17-year old student of Cardiff High School.

Further witnesses are similarly vague, but all (none) agree that it was a Very Angry Bear.

"Oh, I saw something nick a bike from Llandaff Fields," said Claire Jones, 29. "It was blinkin' weird, it was!"

"It might have been a bear," said Katy Gingham, 12. "But it was so dark, like, it could have been anyfink. It 'ad brown hair though."

Our intrepid reporter decided to investigate these disturbing sightings, and after much hard work discovered the truth.

The bear is none other than Tara Smith (23). It has been discovered that her laptop has malfunctioned, and this calamity has brought our hitherto happy young lady to the very depths of despair.

We came across the poor unfortunate woman drowning her sorrows at this latest twist of fate, and we asked her exactly what happened.

"Grrrr, grrr, GRRRR!," growled the bear-woman. "Hic, grr, NaNo, grr,, grr, GRRRRR, doomed, hic, grr."

Quite. From these mad mutterings, we deciphered the following fact: Tara Smith (23), is fairly frustrated at the recent turn of events. After recently committing herself to this year's NaNoWriMo, she is now doomed to having to write her story on paper first.

Quite how she will manage this feat is uncertain, especially as she now appears to have grown a set of disturbingly sharp claws.

"Grr, grr, GRRRR,time-wasting, grr, hic, grr,grr,GRRR, hic, doomed, grr, GRRR!"

Indeed. Writing the story by hand, and then finding a computer to type it on, will surely be taxing.

How will this story end? Our dutiful reporter will bring you updates as and when they occur. In the meantime, we shall leave our Very Angry Bear to her (drunken) despair.

Ima Nutcase, The Daily Ramble.


  1. If the actual events weren't so terrible, I would enjoy this story even more (I almost felt bad for laughing out several times while reading this). I can't help but feel that there must be something that can be done, though. Like smash something in the head of whatever dufus that sold you a malfunctioning laptop...

  2. Dufus is too nice a word. I could think of a few explatives to put in there.

    I have to say though this post was pretty funny despite it being a very un-funny situation.

  3. I think I don't enjoy anything quite so much as when you speak Cardiffian... unless maybe it's when you speak Taff... I'm with Mari. I am terribly sad about your current state, but enjoyed your telling of it immensely, and then felt guilty afterward.

  4. Yeah well.... if I don't laugh, I'll cry...

    It's all fun (not). Honestly, I don't understand why I'm so doomed lately. Maybe I've upset the Karmna Queen or something.

  5. Hahahaha, I meant Karma.... bloody typos..

  6. You had me in tears. Loved this entry.

    So sorry about your laptop though.

    *smacks Dufus*