Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Tuesday, 10 November 2009


Hi everybody! Tara couldn't be here today, so she's asked me to fill in for her. Let me introduce myself - my name is Bud, and I'm your friendly neighborhood bottle of beer. Tara told me all about Ana, who is apparently a big fan of beer and wanted Tara to blog about it. In the absence of Tara, I thought I'd just tell you a little bit about myself.

At the moment I'm chilling  (We bottles of beer are always better when we are cold). The ladies certainly prefer us that way, though that might have something to do with the way the condensation trickles down our necks (I've noticed how all you ladies like to lick the trickle, so don't try to deny it).

Speaking of licking, I have a fond memory from my pre-bottlehood. Before we reach maturity, we beerfolk usually reside in a glass and only move in to our bottles when we reach a certain age. I remember when I was a mere few years old, and I had my first date. Man, that woman was CHILLING! Just the right temperature, especially for a young beer like myself. I popped her lid and she licked my frothy head for hours....

*coughs* Sorry about that, I was lost in memories.

Nowadays, I don't really date. I prefer a night out with the lads - all 23 of them. Nothing like a full case of beer to get the party started, eh? Here's a picture from one of my most recent nights on the tiles. Boy, let me tell you, we had our lids popped and necks licked for hours that night, it was banging!

Of course, the following morning wasn't so clever.... somehow we'd ended up taking the party to a local field. We got picked up by I don't know how many people, and by the morning we were all pretty wiped out. It's lucky we were all together, though there was a sticky moment when the local bobby tried locking us up. I mean, he threatened the recycling bin for us! We were so lucky it was our first offence. Phew!

Of course, we beerfolk like to get out and about on most weekends, and sometimes during the week too. It really all depends on the boys, some of them have other interests. Between you and me, some of them have interests that completely baffle me, if you know what I mean. Take this lot, I mean, look at the state of them! A real beer bottle would never dream of wearing clothing, it's just not right. Not to mention the cross-dressing...  *rolls eyes* Beer bottles are meant to be naked.

Anyway, I' really need to get back to my fridge, I've got a big party to get to tonight. I hope I've entertained you with these little details of a beer bottle's life, and if not, then you obviously need to have a beer!  I'll be chilling for the next few hours, but after that, you're more than welcome to pop my lid and lick my neck. I promise you'll get as much joy as me. *winks cheekily*




  1. Ha! Beers DO look nudie when sucked dry. I love the idea that the alcoholic drink community are a multicultural nation of fun-loving layabouts. Like the Australians (minus the multicultural bit).

    In fact, there's your next topic. Down Under. The Aussies. (If you're still blogstorming, that is!)

  2. Australians? *scratches head* Hahaha, I'll give it a go, sure, but Lord knows what it'll turn out like. *snorts*

    Thanks for the suggestion!

  3. This was absolutely hilarious.

    *drinks to that*

  4. BUWAHAHAHAHAHA! Nicely handled... a little innuendo, a little nudity... just like I like it!