Warning - Some posts may cause choking, spitting of beverage and /or a severe giggle fit. This advice brought to you by regular reader Louisa.

Friday, 27 November 2009

*is teaching Taffisms*

Oi oi butts! Taffy Tara yer again, like, innit? I've tried to put it off, like, but iznogood. Evah since I blogged about Taffs the ovver week like, I've bin wanting to do anovver one. It's a bluddy nightmare, like, remembering to type Taffish, but itz well funny, so its worf the effort, like, innit?

I fort I'd try and teach me readers a little birrabou Taffisms, coz I only covvahed a tiny bit last time. Fer instance, like, I bluddy forgot allabou 'anallat'. A new reader pointed tha one out fer me, and she was well right, like, innit? I mean, I says it all the time I do. That's anovver one right there - I do.
We says 'I do' at the end of sentences like, don't we? I loves pizza I do. I likes choclut I do. Altogevver like. And we adds the eses at the ends of words like, too, innit.

And I forgot the sheep. That's a ducking crime and 'alf that is, coz even though we don't really like it, we Taffies are usually associated wif sheep. 'Sheep-shaggers', the rest of Britain calls us. Bluddy sheep-shaggers! It's sorta insultin like, to be honest, but we is stuck wif it now.

Anovver fing we always says like is 'then'. But we don't say it like you do, like, we says it at the end of sentences like, innit? Like, if we is phoning our clarts like, we don't say 'where are you?', we says 'where you to then?"  Izallgood.

Now, anovver fing I forgot the last time, was to explain abou clits, like. The fing is, we Kairdiff slags needed a word for each ovver. The boys were good, like, coz they called each ovver 'butt' or 'clart', but we girls were like, 'ang on, butt, we only got 'slags'! We wants anovver name, like, innit? So we fort, worrabou 'clit'? I mean, it's just as good as any ovver name like, innit? So all couples 'ave a clart and a clit. Youknowzitmakezsense (that's anovver word wif like lots of words togevver, like, an its one ov our faves too. Bangin', ain-it?).

Before I forgets again, like, there's one more Taffism I needs to tork to you abou. Now innaminute. That's righ, thats wot we says like. If me doorter says 'Mum, can I 'ave a packet of crips?' (cos we don't say 'crisps', we says 'crips'). I'll say 'You can 'ave some now innaminute'. Or if the clart asks me 'when is fooood gunna be ready?',  I'll say 'It'llbeready now innaminute'.  It's bluddy strange, I know, but that's just wot we does like, innit?

So that's a bit more abou Taffisms, but theres's like lots of ovver stuff to tork abou. The biggest fing I wanted to tell you was that you gorra wotch Taff Wars. Taff Wars is bangin, ducking awesome, like. They has a propa website like, too, but if you is lazy, like, you can search for them on Yootoob. They got lotsov epasodes on there, like, and they're like fullov swearin and rood words like, innit? Bluddy funny, they are, well wicked like, innit.

Lastly, I fort I'd share a few jokes, like. Just to give you an idea of what we Taffies are like, coz I'm tellin you now, butt, they is spot on, like, innit.

Wot do you call a Taff slag who wearz a white tracksuit?
A bride.

Wots the first question ov Quiz Night in yer local vallee pub?
Wot you looking at, butt?

Wot do you call a 30 yer old vallee girl?

Wot's the most confoosing day ov the yer for Taffies?
Favver's Day.

And on that note, like, I fink itz best to leave it, like innit. Youknozitmakezsense, anallat.

Later clarts and clits!

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