Wednesday, 18 November 2009
*is querying questionable questions*
Annoying questions and answers - that's my subject for today. You probably all know what I am talking about. Those stupid questions that aren't worth asking, or those answers that don't answer your initial question. Questions and answers so pointless that they aren't worth the effort of opening your mouth and speaking.
My number one annoying answer at the moment is 'surprise me'. There are a few people that I need to buy Christmas gifts for that I am completely stumped on. As a last resort, I'm asking them for ideas, which I think is the sensible thing to do. A surprise is all well and good, but I'd much rather buy something that a person wants or needs rather than give them something random that they will have absolutely no use for. So I ask them, "Can you give me a few ideas for Christmas?" And what do I get? "Surprise me." (or even the irritating shoulder shrug accompanied by a bored 'I dunno').*bangs head against the wall*. If I didn't want an answer, I wouldn't ask the question!!!
Other exasperating questions.... let me see. Well, there's the incredibly stupid "Are you asleep?" *rolls eyes* Listen up boys and girls, and I'll let you in on a secret. You're never going to get a 'yes' to that question. Nope. I know it's astonishing, but it's true. Affirmative responses are just not happening.
Then there's the "Are you reading?" Note, this normally only gets asked when you are sat down with your nose buried in - surprise of surprises - a book. *nods* Duh!!! Yes, I am reading, you idiot, now shut up and let me continue before I ask 'Are you being annoying on purpose, or is that just the way you are naturally?"
Another favorite stupid question is "Are you busy?" Sometimes this question is a decent enough query, but more often than not it is asked when you are up to your eyes with dishes, ironing, and cooking etc. Honestly, does it look like I'm relaxing? Do you perhaps think that I am not juggling enough chores, and maybe need something else added to the never-ending list of things that have to be done?
The most annoying question though, is something that has probably happened to all of us. Just imagine that you are snuggled up warmly under your cosy duvet, possibly snoring just a little bit. You're dreaming about something wonderful (or maybe not dreaming at all, just blissfully sleeping), lost in the sublime-ness of Snoozeland. Your spouse/sibling/child/housemate (take your pick) decides to impersonate a herd of elephants trampling up the stairs, and then turn their artistic talents towards physical comedy when they crash through the door and knock over an item that is obviously breakable, thus guaranteed to make a very loud noise as it lands on the floor. Your talented spouse/sibling/child/housemate then utters the most irritating question ever invented.
*pulls out hair*
Honestly, being woken up is not the worst of it, you also have to deal with the slight worry that you might be having a heart attack. And do you know what the silliest thing is about this whole scenario? In your head you are calling this person seven kinds of curse words, and are probably envisioning at least a dozen ways in which you could kill them, but make it look like an accident. While you are imagining these pleasing scenarios, thinking you may be the next best thing to a hit-man, your mouth has turned into the spokesperson for Lame Utd and is uttering something stupid like, "No, I was only dozing."
So yeah, I'm querying these senseless questions and answers. There are probably at least another hundred examples I could have used, but these few are the ones that crop up the most. I would end this by asking if any of YOU have these things happen to you too, but I'm guessing the answer would be a resounding YES, so I won't bother. We definitely do not need another pointless question....